A Bit Restless

It's 1:21am and I'm wide-eyed awake.  I can't go to sleep.  It's probably because of the power nap I took this afternoon.  I slept for 3 hours during the day, and now I'm here sitting in front of my laptop, rambling away.  Anyway....

My mind has been thinking about the church God has put me in.  It's a small church.  We don't have a lot of members, but the we do have a variety of characters.  Some of us get along like peanut better is to grape jelly.  And there are others who just know how to rub us the wrong way, so we don't like to really talk to them after church service is over.  Yeah, that's my church for you. 

My church isn't perfect.  I'm especially not perfect.  So it only makes sense that I belong to an imperfect church.  But just because my church isn't perfect doesn't mean that we're not a friendly church.  As a matter of fact, the reason why I still go is because my friends know how to make me feel accepted for who I am.  After all the Bible sermons we hear every sunday, I'm finally realizing that no matter how many mistakes I make, or how boring I can be, or how serious I sound, my friends will always accept me for who I am.  No wonder Jesus said in John 13:34-35 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." 

I'm starting to realize that all my Bible knowledge has to be translated into how I live my life, and how I encourage my friends in the faith.  My life has to come to the point where I no longer look to satisfy what I want, but how I please the Lord.  In other words, my life has to become like Jesus' life. 

If you've made this far, thank you for listening, but seriously, this is going to be a longgggggggggg entry.  You might want to stop now because it's going to be a whole lot of rambling.  I just need to get my thoughts together in how we (meaning my church and me) can love one another. 

I'm seriously tired of playing "church".  I'm a deacon for my church.  I'm a preacher at my church.  And if the Lord is willing, I may even be the future pastor of my church.  But if I'm going to church to perform my usual duties and not lead them to the green pastures and still waters that My Good Shepherd does, then what's the whole point in having a "title" at church?  I bet God could even care less about who I am at Faith Baptist Fellowship. 

I've preached about how we should be more like Jesus, but I think it's way overdue that I should be more like Jesus.  I probably sound like Him when I preach, but I need to start becoming more like Him now.  I need to apply what I preach about, and I need to know what it means to love my neighbor as myself. 

I'm thinking about that verse Mark 12:30 where it says that you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Have I been taking this verse seriously?  Have I? 

If I love the Lord God with all my heart, man, He should always be the first person I want to please.  And when I want to please Him, man, I know that I'll enjoy doing that.  You know what it's like to love someone, don't you?  When you're in love, it's like... you can do whatever you want with that person and it doesn't feel like you're pulling teeth.  Even when it's 3:00am in the morning, and you know you should be going to bed, you don't want to because you just can get enough of being with the person you love.  It doesn't matter what she says.  She can go on and on about anything and yet you're just perfectly content in listening to the music of her voice and the beautiful expressions she shows through her face.  The contour of her eyes or the comfort of her smile, it just doesn't matter.  I'm totally enthralled, and at that moment, I wish I could just stop time and stay there with her forever.  Man, does it feel good to be in love. 

Or when I want to give her a really special gift.  It has nothing to do with a special occasion. It's not even her birthday or Christmas or anything.  It's just ... well... I just wanna get her a gift!  So I go finding a nice gift for her, spending countless hours in finding the perfect gift, but I'm having the greatest time of my life doing it.  Dude, that's such a wonderful feeling. 

And now I come to terms with my relationship with God.  I should love Him with all my heart.  Am I at that place where I can't wait to sing His praise?  Am I so enthralled by Him, that I'm going through depths of my heart to write Him the best poem I can think of?  Do I really love God as I should? 

I know I don't love Him with all my heart, but I know I should.  And today, I want try to love Him with all my heart.  I want my heart to overflow with so much passion that I can't get enough of Him. 

Oh Lord, I know You made the heavens and the earth.  I know that as I watch this full moon You made, I can feel beauty You want me to enjoy.  For You said that You made these things and saw that it was good.  Every night, I always look for this star that lights up in the west.  I always see it and it shines brighter than any of the stars that shine.  And somehow, I'm always drawn to finding that star each time.  You made that star.  You made it beautiful in it's time, and Lord, when you made the people of the earth, You made them beautiful in their time too.    God, You are amazing.  When I think about Your holiness and when I gaze into Your loveliness, then all things that surround become shadows in the light of You. 

Father, I'm asking You to teach me to sing of Your wonder.  Lord, show me what it's like to dance with You during the midnight skies. I want to be at that place where I could care less about how the world would look at me.  I want to be where You are, dwelling in Your presence, singing of Your great love and dancing to the rhythm or Your heart beat.  Lord,  I know I can't live without You.  Your forgiveness and mercy goes beyond what I can think of.  Father, please change me.  Please reign in me. 

Lord, please teach me what it means to love each member at my church.  I don't want to care how old they are, or who they are.  All I need to know is that You died for them, and You love them with a passionate love.  I want to love each member passionately as You love them, Lord.  Lord, I want to be patient with them.  I want to be kind to them.  I don't want to think evil of them at all and keep no record of wrongs.  I want to love them Lord as You love them, Father. 

Father, pour Your Spirit upon me.  Empower me through Your Holy Ghost.  I can't do this through my own strength.  Only You can do this in me. 

Father, please use me. I want to reach out to the city of Long Beach.  I really want the surrounding neighborhood to know who You are.  I really want them to come to know what I most seriously cherish and enjoy.  God, please help me reach out to my community.  Help me to communicate how much You love them in Spirit and in truth.  Lord, please let my life be a living sacrifice to you.  Lord, I really see a community of believers at my neighborhood.  I see them loving one another, helping each other keep their streets clean, and even lending a helping hand to paint each others houses.  Lord, I see a community that's no longer ruled by the pleasures of TV.  I see a community that enjoys spending time with their families, and even getting together for a group of families to get together.  I see an educated community that trains their children to excel.  I see a community that understands how to forgive people who wrong them, and a community that keeps the Bible as the center of their life.  Father, I see them keeping Jesus as the center of their life.  Father, I really want that to happen.  Give me the wisdom to make it happen.  Give me the heart to love the community that way.  Father, make me a living sacrifice. 

Father, help me to manage the time You have given me.  The time I have is no longer mine.  It's all yours, and I want to be able to give it to You freely.  Help me to understand what I should do with my time, God.  Let it not go to waste with the careless pleasures I have.  

Father, I think I know what I need to do.  It was fantastic spending time with You.  I ask that You also forgive me for all my sins.  And please, as You said to the woman that was caught in the act of adultery, I don't want to sin anymore.  Let me not sin anymore. Please, Jesus, I don't want to sin anymore. 

In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

Do you know how I know I'm alive?

Where Am I?

Oh right.  Now I know.  It's been awhile hasn't it?   Anyway, let's see.  Where to begin. 

*shakes head* No, doesn't seem like I have anything much to say.  How are you?

Chapter 1: Where Can I Find a Girl Like Her?

Note: I just realized that I'm not too good at writing stories.  So if you REALLY have nothing else better to do, be my guest and read on. haha!

Once upon a time, Elimelech, a man of great wealth, experienced great prosperity in the town of Bethlehem.  His wife, Naomi (which means Pleaseant, by the way) would enjoy wonderful success as they sold their golden heads of grain year by year.  Along with their two sons, Chilion and Mahlon, they would throw many feasts at the end of harvest to commerate the blessings of the Lord and enjoy the company of family, friends and other strangers near by.  Life was awesome.  They pretty much had it made. 

Then one day, in the month of harvest, Elimelech looked out the window and found no golden heads of grain.  "What's going on?", he thought.  "I tilled the ground as I usually do, and I"m pretty sure that the rain we had this year was enough for them to sprout.  How can this be happening?"  It was unfortunate that Elimelech's family couldn't harvest any grain that year, but fortunately, they had plenty of grain in their store houses to last them for five years.  

Five years went by, and the land wouldn't produce a single stalk.  The storehouses were finally empty, so Elimelech had to figure out a way for his family to survive.  Elimelech told Naomi, "Honey, you know how much I love the land we have, but I want you to know that I love you and our family more than anything.  So I had to sell our property, so we can move to Moab and have a better life there.  I know what you're thinking; it isn't like Israel.  Baby, I know.  But at least in Moab, we can have a sandwich or two.  In Israel, we don't know when we'll ever have dinner together.  As a matter of fact, we don't know when our next meal will come.  So please stand beside me.  This really is hard for me to do.  But I had no other choice."  Naomi didn't have much to say about the situation.  She didn't want to leave, but she knew she had to.  So Elimelech, Naomi and their two sons, Mahlon and Chilion left Bethlehem to go into the land of Moab. 

Life was pretty good in the land of Moab.  They had a property that they rented to produce grain for themselves. It wasn't much, but at least they were getting by.  All went well as long as they had something on the table everyday.  Then suddenly, Elimelech dies.  "I don't know how it happened.  One day, I just saw him lying on the field with his shovel.  I went over to him and asked if he needed any help, but when I got closer, I didn't see him breathing at all.", reported a neighbor to Naomi.  Naomi wailed quietly from within, but in her heart, she had to be strong for her two sons. So she and her two sons did the best they could to make the land produce it's grain and they made it.  Chilion and Mahlon became strong men, and finally got married.  Orpah was one woman and the other was Ruth.  "I'm going to finally have grandchildren!"  exclaimed Naomi.  "Oh come on, Mom.  Don't get ahead of yourself.  Right now, we're barely making it to support ourselves.  I don't know what life would be like if he had extra mouths to feed." replied Chilion.  So Chilion and Mahlon worked hard for 10 years in hopes that one day, they could have enough for their future families. Then... without warning, Chilion and Mahlon die. 

Naomi just about had enough.  She totally lost it, but her daughter-in-laws showed so much compassion and gave her a reason to live.  Orpah would comfort her Naomi with her mourning tears and Ruth would give her sweet, sorrowful kisses pressed against Naomi's forehead.  They all lost their husbands, but through that loss, all of them related to one another. 

Naomi loved her daughter-in-laws.  No woman could ever have such charming women in her life such as them.  She loved them so much that she finally said to them, "Ladies, you know how much I love you and how I want the both of you to be happy.  I heard that my city, Bethlehem, is doing well now, so I think it's best that I go.  You ladies deserve fantastic husbands, and right now, I have no children that you can wed."  Naomi begins weeping as she continues, "I don't think I'll ever find women like you in the land of Israel, but I'll keep your memories with me.  Now go, find your husbands.  Be happy and may God bless you with many children."  Orpah and Ruth weep with Naomi and told her that they would stay with her.  But Naomi wouldn't have it, and told them to go.  Orpah understood and left the property weeping.  Ruth, however, couldn't leave.  She said,

"Entreat me not to leave you, 
Or to turn back from following after you; 
For wherever you go, I will go; 
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; 
Your people shall be my people, 
 And your God, my God.

Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried. 
The LORD do so to me, and more also, 
If anything but death parts you and me.”

Naomi eyes flooded in passion.  She wailed as if her husband just died on that day.  Naomi was totally overwhelmed, and tried as much as possible for Ruth to leave her.  But Ruth refused, and so Naomi gave up in trying to push Ruth away. 

So Naomi and Ruth traveled to the land of Bethlehem to start a new life together. 

Hmmm....I wonder what adventures they'll experience next. 

Stay Tuned...