Saturday, June 07, 2008

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:12:02 GMT

seems like it's that time of the year again for me to pick up xanga. a lot on this site has changed.. so many more features added

Something about school ending and summer starting makes me want to write. Perhaps its the sudden surge of free time that gives me time to contemplate life. Or the change in scenery causes an intense longing to record my thoughts. Either way, here I am typing away.

This summer is starting off markedly different from the last. For starters, I have nothing to do this summer. Amazing isn't it? I'm enjoying taking it easy and hanging out with friends. Unfortunately it has been too unproductive and thus I want to record, somewhere, a list of goals and here looks like a good place to do it.

Goals:
learn to pick wine, or at least know the difference between the different types
develop a habit of reading world news and science news
pick a totally new activity to learn
volunteer regularly at a non-profit
get my license!

That's it for now.. perhaps if I start setting realistic goals I can reach them instead of forgetting them

Right about here my thoughts usually turn to self-criticism and picking at aspects that I don't like about myself. At least, it would be emptying my thoughts onto the page. But on the way home from dinner today, I've decided that I need to change that outlook (haha, self-criticism dies hard) and perhaps it would be more interesting to examine the sources of these conflicts instead of having a ranting, raving blog.

Family dinners are always an interesting affair. Today was my aunt's birthday and there was the typical large gathering at a chinese restaurant with too much very delicious food. But first of all, most of the people there weren't exactly family. It is what becomes family because our real family is too far away to gather. There were her mahjong buddies that became friends in the first place because of the love of the game and they brought their family. Her son's girlfriend's family was there too and the most adorable baby girl with them. She was teething though so it was quite loud most of the time. And then there were my dad and I, the only actual family there. But even though we were family we were close to them through my mom who is currently away in Switzerland and we were without our connection so from the outsider's perspective we were probably the least related in her room of "family." In a country without family we create our own family--a beautiful example of human survival.

But it's not just a room full of chinese people. It's filled with culture and tradition, from the food to the way people act. Yet in there are also hints of America. The flat screen TV showing the Yankees game. The Coach bag. Me. And probably the baby when she grows older. It's a world inside another world. Or is it all America? Are you American if you speak Chinese, work at a Chinese place, have only Chinese friends, read the Chinese newspaper, and watch TVB? What if you're an American citizen? When is it being American, and when is it a Chinese person in America. Where do you draw the line?

Who am I? I've changed.. changing.. to someone I don't really know. At first I thought I'll just run with it. See where it takes me. But I'm scared. There's so many disappointments. Frustrations. But I gotta do some stupid things before I learn right? Or maybe just coast along. It's pretty easy to do that too. Stop trying so hard to go against the pressures. Just stay in the chinese bubble and be like those females in that dining room. Get a job. Settle down. Get some kids. And stop wondering so damn much about what is out there in the world.

Or.

The starbucks man. Retired after being a social worker for 40 years, he roams around the city, travels, visits family, and basically do whatever he wants to fill his days. And what he does is share his stories, buy lunch for honeymooners, and give his philosophy to those who hear it. He gives a slice of happiness to whoever he can.

Maybe it's not so important what we end up doing with our lives. But if there's a little message that we live for and pass on, maybe that's enough. He fills his life with moments of happiness that he can give others. What do you live your life for?

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 16:49:42 GMT

compadre,
if i injected my flesh with silicone
did hundreds of situps a day
wore lacey push up bras
got surgery to correct my Asian single-eyelid
wore subtle lipstick, concealer, & gloss
made my gaze bruised with shadow & mascara
wore dainty stilleto heels & flippy skirts
got some hips
would you buy me then?

hermano,
does market follow demand, or demand follow market?
i want to be the white girls of your wet dreams with million-dollar
prosthetic bodies, $40,000 makeovers, features imprinted on your cock
by billion-dollar industries

I am beautiful in my mind
until you choose them instead
slap my ugliness to my face

and you tell me you don't understand this kind of competition!
i didn't write the rules
of this game you don't recognize
you just follow the market, the ads, the art, the enterprize...
shaping the sadness of my sickness

Sisters, come together & incite
refugees of false dreams to unite.

inciteboston.blogspot.com

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 14:31:30 GMT

"Some people see the United States as a melting pot, where everyone is blended into one culture. Critics say that the melting pot erases the identity of immigrants and that we should be a salad bowl where all ingredients, all cultures, keep their identity and contribute to the meal." Ky-Phong Tran

Light

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 22:31:17 GMT

love God

love Family

love self

peace.

AFire's Xanga

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Monday, March 05, 2007

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Light