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| PhilosophyHave you ever wondered what it’s like to be best friends with someone you don’t even know? Or thought you knew? Or even made up, perhaps?
It’s funny how you think you know someone but you never really do. You can never fully know someone. Hell, you never even fully know yourself. Once you begin to understand how someone works or how they are, they begin to change. Perhaps it’s all part of a greater scheme; perhaps it’s life.
Fact is, you can never be totally sure you know someone. You may take an action and spin it so it fits your ideal fit of that person, but then perhaps you’re only fooling yourself. You can talk to someone for months, years, decades even and think you know them. But you can also be terribly wrong. This person is who you want them to be; not who they really are.
So how do you know when you really know a person? Well, you can’t ever really know. It would involve trust, honesty, a nonjudgmental view (which face it, we are all judgmental in varying degrees). It would take being around that person 24/7, seeing how they interact with each and every person, seeing how they vary during these interactions.
If you ask me, this is asking the impossible. People change to fit views they have of themselves, of you and vice versa. Call me cynical, but I am convinced that no matter how long you take trying to get to know someone, it can all change in an instant.
Perhaps this is why people grow apart. I suppose we should just be grateful that we learn from these people and these experiences and try not to get too attached from the start. Problem is, how do you know? You never know. You never can know.
Maybe this is just me ranting. Maybe it’s me trying to protect myself from being hurt again. All of this is a prime example of why I wont let myself become too involved with anyone or anything. This is why I pull away when I feel I’m getting too close. This is why I don’t deal well with relationships.
I’ve always thought I’ve known someone to find out differently. And not only is it the loss of a friend or a parent, but it’s a loss of trust and someone I trusted.
Or perhaps it’s only me, losing myself…
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| So my cousin asked me today when I was coming home. Like, coming home for good as in after college. And my answer was, “Probably never.” And to be honest, I honestly think that right now.
I have hopes and I have dreams and none of them really revolve being around central New York. Or near home (or Family in this case). Now don’t get me wrong, I do love my family, but I want adventure. I can feel it pumping through my veins. I just can’t see myself settling down in New York right after college. I actually can’t see myself settling anywhere for a long time.
Disney has made me realize a lot. I know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about Disney and say Disney did this or Disney did that, but it’s so true, I can’t even explain it. Those of you who had the experience can second me on this.
It made me realize that I love my independence and being in charge of my life. It made me realize that if I set my mind to something, I can do. It made me realize that I can support myself and I don’t need anyone there holding my hand. And those realizations bring feelings of sheer exhilaration.
I’m taking advantage of every opportunity I can while I have the chance. I don’t know where I see myself in how many ever years you may ask. All I know is that I want to do so much in my life and I wont settle for anything less. I’ve made sacrifices in the past to get where I am right now, and I have no shame to do it in the future.
I’ve done the Disney thing and I loved it so much. I put my heart and soul into it and it will always remain a part of who I am. And who knows, maybe I’ll end up back with that company.
But I also want to do and experience other things. I went to my advisor the other day to ask about my summer options, claiming I want to do something new and exciting and not stay around this area. He asked me if I’d like to be a tour guide in Europe and that has really gotten me to think. I think it would be amazing and I’d do it without a second thought if it could some how be arranged. So we’re looking into that.
I also want to do a study abroad. My two choices as of now are Australia (Queensland area) or England. Why not take advantage of it now while I can? This is my life to live and I will do everything I can to see the places I want to learn about.
I also would like to work on a cruise ship or maybe for an airline. Now I’m not planning on visiting these places just to say I’ve done it or been there. No, there’s so much more to it. It’s about the inspiration these places bring to me. It’s about he different cultures and the learning aspects. It’s all about the experiences and what they mean to me. No way is this only for bragging rights, though I will admit, has it’s advantages.
I don’t know how to put into words what I feel right now. I’m so inspired by new things, new experiences and new places. Now granted, I know I can experience new things by staying in this area, but I don’t want to. There’s a whole world out there for me to live and breathe. And I want to be able to share the inspiration these places bring to me with others. I want others to be just as inspired.
So where am I going in the future? I guess the question really is where am I not going? I may not be going places as in being successful, but then again, how do you measure success? If I am happy and experience what I want to experience, I believe that makes me successful in my life.
These are my hopes, my dreams and I don’t think they are unrealistic. And frankly, I love my family to death, but there’s so much more out there for me. There’s always writing and calling and visits. And hey, what a great feeling they would get if they get a postcard with a postal stamp from say…India, or something like that.
It’s so inspiring. So where will I be after college? Only time will tell. I’m not even sure where I’m going while in college! May be Delhi, may be Disney, may be Australia. You just never know. And that’s the beauty of life.
I’ll end now, with a quote from my favorite Disney movie, “Beauty and the Beast”.
“I want much more than this provincial life…I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!…I want so much more than they’ve got planned.”
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