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ALEXI_AH
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Name: SHONDA
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female
Interests: I TRY TO SNEAK AWAY TO WORK A FEW TIMES A MONTH ITS MY HOBBIE I GUESS YOU WOULD SAY. SOMETHING I ENJOY AWAY FROM THE HOUSE I AM A TRAINER FOR KRAGEN AUTO AND HAVE BEEN WITH THEM FOR TEN YEARS....
Expertise: I AM AN AWESOME MOM. THE BEST AT WHAT I DO. I SPECIALIZE IN HARD KIDS. THE ONES THAT NO ONE ELSE WANTS CAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN HURT TOO BAD. ITS MY GOAL TO CRACK THE SHELL AND I ALMOST ALWAYS DO.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/7/2001
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| Ugh I am so very tired Mystique moved to Hectors today it was very uneventful. He came and she put her stuff in the car andthey left she never sid goodbye , never shed a tear, she just left. Made me feel like 10 years of hell was for nothing. I only pray he is able to do for hr what I cant. We spent the whole day moving rooms around , Sadie is getting her own room and is gonna share with Julia. That way if licensing ever shows up we are covered. That is one thing off my mind. Now just gotta deal with the Ellen situation and get her a bed....lol....everything else is smooth I guess just cant wait till life is a little calmer ....will that ever happen? | | |
| Even child molesters have people cry at their funeralWell my step dad was buried today , I dont really claim him as my step dad but my sister does. He molested me and my little sister , she forgave him and has had a relationship with him and I have chose to act as if he was never alive. I forgave him a few years ago because thats what you do when your a christian and it did really free my heart from carrying the burden. he died of lung cancer it was very painful and long. I remember the day my dad found out what had happened I was 16, he got his shotgun out of the closet and got in his truck. We stopped him on the freeway and made him come home and tried to handle it through the court system. Bad move....... he got away with it all I was so angry. I remember someone told me that if I let God take care of it.... His vengance will be far worse than anything I could ever do. It turned out they were right ....he suffered for a very long time. Its not that I would want anyone to suffer but I guess he got what he deserved. My sister was very close to him and she was at the hospital every day and coordinated the entire funeral. I just dont get it. Its been very hard to see her cry and be sad, I love her so much and I dont want to see her sad. I dont know what to say to her or how to comfort her I think about what the preacher would have said, he was a great guy and everyonee loved him? Well I guess people did, didnt they? People cried when he died and they mourned him...thats weird to me. After all the hurtful things he did to me I cant imagine him being a good person. I dont know I guess I'm rambling but i needed to get it out. On another note Mystique had another blowout and I had to restrain her again...I am so tired of daily doing this. She is moving to Hectors tommorow and I am kinda relieved. The thought of having one day without so much drama is wonderful. Its terrible to say but its true. I hope that her and her dad can work it out and she can work on herself . I love her but I just dont like her right now. | | |
| had to call the copsI promise I would write and I never do but today I must. Had to call the cops on my daughter again its just getting to be too much. She blew up and raged, I ended up carrying her outside and putting her in the front yard after being called a F*** b*** and a whore. I cant believe it and then she threw all my plants and busted up my whole front yard. I am so exhusted no matter how much meds they prescribe or how much we take her off of she is still out of control. I just cant be abused anymore by a 12 year old. When we adopted her I never ever thought it would be like this. She is just not wanting to be loved and I am too tired to keep trying. They are looking for a residential center for her but I dont think it will happen fast enough. I am just done, then Hector called and offered to keep her, to quit work and stay home with her?????what the hell? Where did that come from? I just dont get it? A few days ago he was yelling telling me to get her out of here now he wants her to stay with him? I just dont know ...except that I am tired.............. | | |
| Mans Best friend, How bout Womens?Well yesterday I lost my best friend she has been a daily part of my life for the last twelve years. I think sometimes about human friendships and how its so conditional, if you are nice, if you return their call, if you say what they want to hear. But dogs are different they love you no matter what, if you forget to feed them, if you make them sleep outside, if you don't have enough time, they love you no matter what. I have had a boxer for the last twelve years she was my baby before I had babies. She slept with me, she followed me and she loved me. She had some beautiful litters of puppies that will be her legacy and now they will remind me how beautiful she was. I have her daughter and granddaughter but its still not the same. She was my baby ....she slept with me every night until she got to old to crawl up on my bed then she slept on the floor next to my bed. I let her sleep inside even knowing she would pee on my floor she had gotten so old she couldn't help it and once I made her sleep in a a cage but I felt terrible and just decided I would clean it up if she had an accident she deserved to get old with dignity after all she had been to me. I knew she was getting old and sick she had thyroid disease and it made her very very skinny, but as long as she wagged her tail and was happy to see me when I came home I just couldn't do it. Two days ago I was working on the computer and she came up and put her head on my leg and tried to climb up on my lap like she used to do when she was a puppy, I just looked at her old body and cried, when you realize that something you love is gonna be gone soon its so sad, but then that night when I went to bed she was there on my bed , like she always did when she was young, she hasn't been on my bed in years she was just too old to get up there. I though at that moment all the people who keep saying put her to sleep are dumb, if she could talk she would say "I love you, and see I can still do it". I was so happy and thinking she still had so much time. Then yesterday I came home and she was laying on the floor, you could tell she was having a terrible time breathing and she wouldn't even stand up, I knew it was time. I called the vet and wrapped her up to take there it sucked no one was home to go with me Hector, my mom and Kym were all gone.. I was so sad...As we drove I cried cause she was in so much pain I just kept thinking I wanted her not to hurt.. I got there and they said I had to wait and I waited it took too too long, by the time they got us in the room she was gone.... before they could come with the shot. I held her when she took her last breath and I kept thinking its not fair that they say animals don't go to heaven. It would be easier to let go if I knew she was gonna be in heaven with me.I wonder what happens to dogs that we love so much when they go? It just doesn't seem fair that they just die....I don't know ....Well Lexi my Love I will miss you so much you will never know how very much you meant to me. I will remember you always and forever in my heart......... | | |
| Sunday, November 04, 2007  | God is good plus some!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood:  peaceful Tonight we went to see Mercy Me at the church once again I was left crying like a baby not so much for the music but for the mere fact of how awesome God can be and how merciful he is. I stood in church with my children who did not have this kind of relationship or any kind with God before coming to my home, with my mother who I swore I could and would not ever forgive and a pretty great guy who has daily shown me what a true man of God looks like. I did not ever think I was deserving of any of this. Not the responsibility of leading these kids, not the forgiveness God has shown to me which in turn I can show to my mom and not for the blessings of a wonderful person to share my time with. I dont deserve any of it ...yet God loves me so much He wants me to have it. Isnt that crazy? I watch my kids in amazement while they worship God..unafraid and unaffected by the rest of the world around them, they were standing alone while hundreds of people sat , hands raised and crying out to God, my kids, my children.....even my son who texted me that this was his favorite song....he sang and knew the words....Danielle who hated church and pulled a hood over her head and slept...was standing and showing God the respect He deserves. And Amanda , my sweet Amanda, I am so proud of her, she is grown into a powerful woman of God and He is rewarding her with the love of her life, my future son -in -law will be lucky to have her as his wife someday. I watched the excitement in my moms eyes tonight she is renewed by the blood of Christ and has become a new person. I have no more anger for her God took all the hurt away and replaced it with love and respect. She is an amazing woman whom I love so deeply. And Adam ....how many times have I prayed for everything you are? More than I can count and God delivered you as promised in His time. Now all I have to do is convince myself I am deserving and let down my guard to accept such a great gift from Him.. I always hold on to the past ...to people who dont want me and tell me that. I try to convince them to give me another chance when I am not willing to even recognize why it didnt work out all the previous times. I need to learn to let go and let God...the more I pray the more clearly I see that I deserve to be happy and deserve to be taken care of sometimes instead of always being the caretaker. My life is so blessed and it feels like the floodgates of Heaven are just pooring down on my home. I thank you God for your love and mercy. Philippians 4:6
Dont worry about anything, instead pray about everything,Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done.Then you will experience Gods peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. |
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