So here I am. On xanga. I have a facebook and a myspace but I have come back to my roots. To me this is the only blog that I can actually write on. Everything thing else is more about pictures and comments. But Xanga is about the BLOGS. Life is sjddfdsifjsdfikdf there isn't even a word for it. I am so stressed. Surprised? didn't think so. I don't even know who I'm talking to. lol ANYWAYS. I have anew car! I know who I'm talking to. Probably the only person who still comes on xanga. But she probably doesn't even look on mine. Hi, you know who you are. Believe it or not I miss you. And I do read your entry's. I want to know how life is treating you. Good to hear you guys are still together. One year is a big accomplishment. Okay. I guess I'm done, not much to say. Bye

College

Well hello all... Life has been very interesting. Didn't know if xanga was still popular or not. But thought i'd check it out. Me and Kaleb are doing grand, to those who care. The wedding should be sometime February. College is crazy, not sure what to think about it. Im at TCC. Trying so hard to stay motivated and make good grades. It's so different from high school which I always knew. but never how drastic. I have great teachers. every single one of them I like. Uh..me and Kaleb just got two puppies about 2 weeks ago, Molly and Hogan. The cutest pups ever. Molly is mine. and I love her oh-so-much! well not much more to say. Really tired. work tonight. later

I AM IN LOVE WITH KALEB MICHAEL LAMBERT! AND I DONT CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

I'm actually very hesitant to post. I have so much on my heart and mind. Things I need to just get out so I wont completely blow up one day. But I really don't want comments. I don't do this for comments. I do it because I feel like I have no where else to kind of let it all go. Other than God of course.

You'd be surprised how much everything is changing. And I'm not freaking out. Which is a huge change in itself. I've decided I was an idiot for almost 19 years of my life. I never really put my life into God's hands. I have never spent my time searching for God's will in everything I do. Until now.

A new church? A new church that I am helping to start.. scary. Exciting. Completely God. He has provided so much already for this church, and I know he is going to continue. It's going to be tough. It's already getting tough. Satan is completely trying to break our spirits. Emotionally mentally, and especially physically. Everyone is sick. And continue to get sick. But we're not going to let him win. We're too strong.

I'm sad. I have a lot of joy in my heart. So much to make me joyful. But all in all. I'm sad. I have many broken relationships. Many. But I feel like God is telling me to just let go. I hate feeling like I'm being judged. And I know people are reading this and judging me. You might think It's hard to determine what God's will is from my own, so how do I know this is God's will? I know. I have never in my life been so clear on what God wants from me then I am right now. I can't convince you. I am not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to share my heart. Right now I am the bad guy in many people's eyes and I don't want to be. But if I have to be the bad guy to do what is right for God. Then so be it. I am willing to risk that.

I want people to know I'm not angry at anyone. With this whole situation. If you don't agree with what I am doing, and you think I am wrong. Then that's okay. I'm not living for anyone else. Only God. when it comes down to it. I probably don't agree with everything you believe or everything you're doing. That's why we have free will. If everyone agreed and there weren't any problems then life would be very boring. I Love everyone. Even if you don't agree.

I didn't leave Braden because of me and Kaleb. Yes that whole ordeal opened our eyes to other things. But I'm not leaving angry. That's something I want people to know and understand. My biggest fear right now is rumors. There are plenty of rumors going around as it is I am sure. Just understand me and my heart and what I am living for. I am here for God. He isn't behind me patting me on the back. He's in front of me guiding me in everything I do, and every step I take. Please, Understand that.

So Super Summer...I firgure why not talk about it since everyone else is. Through out the whole week I didn't feel like God was speaking to me. Or maybe I just wasn't listening. But I came home with a heavy heart. A changed heart. A heart craving God. I did nothing but hope and pray I wouldn't get emotional during worship like I always do, and just get the camp high and I didn't allow for that to happen. I came home wanting to change. really searching after God. And here I am. Different. And I know without a doubt that it's true. That it's not A camp high. Because I wasn't wanting to search after him until I got home. I didn't change at camp. I didn't get the camp high. And I know because that feeling is so familar. All I have ever done is live off of "the camp high" It's something I know way too well.

I Love Everyone. And so many of my fellow Brother's and sister's in christ are hurting. And I was blinded, I didn't see it. But now it's so real to me. And my heart break's for them.