Going On and Saying Bon Voyagie

       The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things: of shoes--and ships--and sealing wax--of cabbages--and kings. No one has called me to inform me that I have, shucks, missed an immunization or have any restrictive health problems that would leave me unfit to travel, or that they actually meant the Roshanda C in Vine, California, not the one from the Bay. So I think I can breathe it out loud.

(looks around)

I'm going abroad.
Abroad abroad abroad abroad abroad! Alhamdulilah!
Dude--God is so faithful.
The foreign adventure begins to.morrow. I can't even call it my foreign adventure because eleven brilliant kids are having it along with me; and I'm completely pumped about that. I'm humbled and overwhelmed for sure. I'm not ready or researched up at all like I should be. ((Sighs)) I'm going to be a stammering fool at the Uganda Job fair, but se la vie. That's what last minutes are for. I started packing from the list Food For The Hungry sent us, wee undergrads, last night and I have never traveled so light in my life. One slight, duffel bag and an overnight hiking pack. It's half of what I lugged around for the two-month stay in both Montana and Wyoming. Katy Joy sent me this great podcast from Word Made Flesh where the speaker beautifully states: "I have a responsiblity to my brothers and sisters around the world to live simply". I was overwhelmed. I have never felt as light either, knowing that for once something is going to make simplicity be my focus and discipline.
       My suitcases sit on my living room floor, speaking to me. We're going abroad tomorrow. Yes, we are. Shh! I know! Don't jinx it! So I will keep up with my trip and their trip on a blog of it's own. A year ago, when I was  overeager to go to Cairo, I was going to create a blog for the experience and name it "Cisterns and the Great Sand Sea" (the alliteration was fantastic) but I had to deflate that when I was waitlisted. What's fair is fair; the Africa trip get's one of it's own too. I've been blogging on it since July but kept it under wraps until I was for sure-for sure-for sure that I was going. Otherwise; how embarrassing. All of my experiences about it will be on:

www.nikweli.blogspot.com

You can email me, send me letters, and even call me on my international cell phone. I'm dead serious----The organization is making all of us rent one, ahahahaha. I just couldn't beat the Man this time. It's a 12 hour or so time difference, but just give a ring. I'd love to hear your voices and read your emails/notes. I've realized that you can't wait for your life to start. Nothing's starting. Nothing's coming. My life is now; right now, and if I don't step up, jump off cliffs, and go, it'll pass me by as I look for that "something" else. I'll be 35 and wondering what happened to my dreams. If there was ever a time to start living, it's in this moment full of risk, people, possibilities and all the mess that comes with these three things. Terrifying? Yeah. Liberating? Absolutely.

The time has come, the Walrus said.
the time has come.

Currently Reading Life Laid Bare: The Survivors in Rwanda Speak By Jean Hatzfeld see related

It is paradox

I think this little bit of existence intoxicates itself with contrast. In crags, somewhere, I think God cries out: "exactly! This is what I've meant truth to be all along."
In Wyoming, the people I came to love could be overwhelmingly judgmental and unmerciful to some and incredibly inclusive and gracious to social outcasts. The particular kid "had a heart of gold" despite his weirdness and they treated him like it, when I hadn't given him the time of day.
Doing research, I have to cover my mouth and close my eyes in order to shut out horrors described in "Life Laid Bare: The Survivors of Rwanda Speak", while telling myself, in the evening, not to clap or whoop too loudly as my television recaps American Olympic victories.
Those who I am far from, I am close to them in spirit, thinking about their well-being constantly. Those who I am close to seem world's away.  A Ugandan woman I met denies there's much poverty in Africa, and the children, on the peripheries of town whom she has visited in her stories, don't know if bridges exist. Tony has died and I forget him and remember him with regularity. I am 21 [legal adult] and, in light of my next adventure, have never felt as young as I do right now.

Life is horrible and spectacular.
Painful and irreplaceable.
From the pits we are delivered.
I hate and love humanity all at the same time.
The Tetons and Glacier Peaks remind me of why wonder should be conserved.
I am commanded to sacrifice and endure the pain of self-surrender for fulfillment, true purpose, and the blessing of newness. It should cost me something, Mother Teresa  and Ms. Day say, or it is illusionary. Well, if you're going to put it like that ((rolls eyes....and smiles in chagrin)).
Right now, I just wouldn't trade it, all of it, every part, for anything. Life is good.
And a very, very wise person told me once that, sometimes, good is so much deeper than what makes us happy.
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I want to speak gold over people and treat them like it.
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Cat's going to be an RA soon (!) and Abby and I saw our old school principal when we went out for drinks! Ahahah....what would North Hills think about us now? Propoganda: failed.
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"Welcome to the world of sewing!"
"Thank you," I said quietly to the greying but tragically hip, berkeley manager,
"I hope to stay a long time."

Currently Listening Oh! Gravity. By Switchfoot Oh! Gravity see related

Too Little Too Late

So...er. They decided to accept me for the MESP Egypt program last week.
:laughs: Oh, the irony. Hahaha Sorry, Joe. I just can't give up this Africa Development Study Abroad now.

2 and half weeks!!!

Currently Reading Loaves and Fishes By Dorothy Day see related

Omagash, so sudden!

I walked into the room and it was brighter. Straight ahead
were no sheets, no tapestry, all the things off the dresser had been collected and there was nothing left on one side of the room. The closet had been emptied. Kristi hadn't been at Colter for a few days; she was hanging out with her best friend, Ginger, in Jackson. But now there was nothing here. My roommate....Kristi...was gone!
All she left was a note on the moose notepad she bought two days ago. I picked it up off my bed and it read:

"Hey Guys!
It was awesome rooming with both of you.
I decided to leave Colter Bay, but I am very
glad that I got to meet ya'll.

Kristi"

-sigh- Ya'll. She was so Southern. I stared at the emptiness for a long while. No more Kristi....
I left a note for Carly on the door,
and went to get ready for April's Birthday party, wondering what had happened last night. Things were going well with the guy she was dating here. Did he know she was gone? It would be so strange without her presence around.

Pause

After this crazy day with confronting my supervisor, a ACMNP member having a diabetic seizure, and two members notifying us of their impending exit due to emergencies back home, I was waiting outside for Christi and Anthony so we could go to Leeks Pizzeria for food,

and I moved the flower pots, sat on a bench that was clear now, leaned back against the wall, and watched the clouds roll by. In elementary, they made shapes. It was warm--I was glad I chose the long black skirt that Mei loves, and my Good-will softball shirt. What as Mei up to, these married days? The mosquitos weren't an irritation yet. The sun had illumined the tops and the bottom were a gray-blue color. If they lacked duality, it would have been completely boring, light without darkness. They moved quickly across the sky in thick clumps, and everything around me stilled. I haven't watched the clouds in years. I wanted to eat them...mmm. And was sad that there wasn't any of my people with me to do it with (to discuss them or just sit
not saying anything at all)

but I liked it a lot, and thought about how there's always so much going on in the sky above us.
Why do I spend most of my time unaware? Earlier in the day, the sky was fighting over itself, speaking in thunder but now there was peace. Anthony and Christi finally came out and I stood up to leave. I wanted to keep sitting but I opted to do it again some time soon. The Pesto Chicken Sun-Dried tomatoe sandwich was calling.

"all alone and happy, nothing brings me down"

-rose