Just like a pill

Oh fuck no.

I'm done with this shit.

The second I get to an English speaking country,

I'm finding me a drug dealer,

getting me some X.

And I'm totally fucking myself up.

I have a future yes, but one I know I'm going to fucking hate.
Being a teenager sucks and every adult says that life gets worse once you're an adult.
So fuck that, it isn't even worth it.
I don't really care if I wind up in rehab,
Or like Terry Schaivo, or whatever the fuck her name is.
I'm doing it.

I'm getting me some with little happy faces on them.
Just because I think that'll be fucking great.
And then I'll be rolling til I die.
for fucking serious.

I'm sick of the shit life gives me.
I know there are people worse off than I am.
And you know what?

THEY'RE ALL ON DRUGS TOO!

That or they're those little emo kids slitting their wrists.

Everyone has their fix.

So whatever.

I'm done.

With life.

Any Other World

Man..

Life totally blows right now.

For those of you who don't already know, I absolutely HATE the school I'm going to.

Mom says.
"We hate what we have til it's gone."

No.

I will always and forever hate this school.
53 kids, 6-12 grade. Thats fucked up annoying.
There are absolutely NO classes worth taking because,
Most of the teachers, do not teach.
Its:
"Read these chapters, next class we'll go over them and have a quiz." ::Teacher scurries of to play on their computer/do something other than the job they are paid to do.

I hate it.
When I got here my grades dropped, and I don't blame that on the 3 weeks I missed during the move.
I blame it on the teachers, and no, my effort is not a relevant variable in this equation. IT IS NOT.
You can't put effort into school, when the teachers aren't teaching.
Schupp is the only one I know of that DOES teach, and I don't have him anymore. [I suck at math anyways.]

I miss JCHS.
There I had:
Teachers who did their job.
Open lunch. [Which meant food I could stand.]
[[Here I don't eat much.]]
More classes worth taking.
Better opportunities.
A lot more people to associate with.
And none of them below the 9th grade.

This is fucking ridiculous.
Its maddening.
In the worst possible way.

Well I'm through here, I've vented. I don't feel any better though.

Acidddddd.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I'm rockin on Xanga, again. :D

Hm.

Well.
The situation is pretty shitty everywhere in the world isn't it?

Autumn has the issues with Ray.
Mom has her issues.
Cheryl is over due [with baby No.2]
I've got my paranoia.
[Which I've decided I need therapy for.]
Cheryl and her Husband have issues, lets not deny.
Brian is giving Mom a guilt trip because she can't stay for his Audie Murphy Board thing.
[Intentionally or Unintentionally, he's doing it.]
My family is all kinds of fucked up.
Yet I can't stand the thought of leaving any of them.
HOI.

Not much else to say.
I need to pimp my Xanga.

Nostalgia

It's really weird to be back here.
Where it all started.

Do you remember those days, when we were so young?
[Or so it seems.]
We were foolish boy, you and I.
We had hopes,
We had dreams..
We were going to be together.
We were going to be happy.
What happened to that boy?
What happened to you and me?

This place holds the memory, of the first day you said you loved me.
Down to the very second I can tell you.
I remember such happiness would come from this place, seeing that you'd visited.
Thinking about it now, was I really happy? Truly?
You lied to me boy.
I realize that now.
About a year ago it all started.
OR rather, a year from now it ended I do believe.
And here we are again,
On another plane,
and after you left me, damaged but still intact
You proclaim your love again.
But is it to end just as it did?

Haha.
No one comes here anymore.
Which I guess is why I felt safe writing that.
I may just come back here when I need to express my doubts.
Or complain.

It is weird being back here though.
so many memories.
So much has changed since this.
And so much remained the same.
[Go figure.]

Hmm...
I wonder if this time around things will be different...
Will they Carlos?

Wow so I haven't been here in a while.. hmmm

Well I'm moving to Germany next month.. small town .... to another small town.. how FUCKING DEPRESSING! I mean sure big city is 10 minutes away via Auto Bahn... but I mean I can't drive for another 2 years anyway... and I won't make any friends since the military bases are closing... =[

Saw the Black Dahlia yesterday.. FUCKING AWESOME!.. you know minus the lesbian porn.... I find it funny Betty set out to be an actress, wound up a porn star before her dream came true and was brutally murdered....sickening how some people are.... I reccomend you all see it... But I mean.. it's crawling with lesbians..... and the main character bangs like 5 times.... Lots of sex.. lots of blood... so pretty much a porno...

Other than that, not much to report..