I Need To Talk

And to be brutally honest, both to myself and to all of my friends. I'm not the person I used to be. I've let down everyone that I was once close to, in one way or another. I haven't been there for anyone. I just haven't been the person I once was. And I need to explain why. I need to get it all off my chest so badly. So badly.

On my thirteenth birthday my father took me to Mr. Waffle, which is a restaraunt we've been going to since I was born. Things were going pretty well, and for all intents and purposes I was a normal kid. I was happy back then. Then I noticed that my dad was acting strangely, like he had something that he needed to get off his chest. Maybe he felt like I do tonight. I'll probably never know.

"Alex," he started, "could we talk? Man-to-man, you know. Just between us."
"Sure." I said. "What's up?"
"How would you feel if-" Then he stopped, and looked at me for a while.
"It's ok," I said. "You can tell me."
"How would you feel if your father told you he was gay?" He always used to talk about himself in the third person when I was younger.

I was 13. I had absolutely no idea what the hell to think, or how the hell to react. I was in such a fucking daze I forgot where I was for a while. You do not break something like that out of the clear mother fucking blue to your mother fucking 13-year-old son on his mother fucking birthday.

But, I just played it off. I leaned back in the booth and said, "I'm cool with that. There's nothing wrong with it." And there isn't. I have nothing against gay people, but you do not marry a woman, start a family, move her from Florida away from all her friends and family, and then adopt a child when you know that you are still gay. You. Do. Not. Your mother fucking father does not.

For the next five months or so he spent every moment he had with me trying to validate his homosexuality. He talked to me about the fact that he no longer loved my mom, and that he was planning to move out. Every. Moment. That he saw me. Every single one. And he made me promise not to tell mom, because it would tear her up. He eventually told her that he didn't love her (on Valentines Day), and he eventually moved out. But until two weeks ago I had to live with and hide the fact that he was gay.

it's me, Steph. Ok Alex, you can delete this after you see it. It's my and my cousin. well, im on the right. obviously. love you!

Edit::

This picture will be kept on here for an indefinite period of time...

Sorry Steph =P

          The slogan of one anti-homosexuality group goes something like:

          God Hates Fags

          They even have their own webpage, http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/. Take a look at their "purpose" page in particular.

          Here's a quote from there:

          "All other sex activity is whoremongery and adultery, which will damn the soul forever in Hell. Heb. 13:4. Decadent, depraved, degenerate and debauched America, having bought the lie that It's OK to be gay, has thereby changed the truth of God into a lie..."

          Hebrews 13:4:

          Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled : but whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge.

          The Judgement is a time when God judges those not born again of the holy spirit. Not everyone that is judged will be going to hell, and ultimately be destroyed alongside all evil. A flaw in their first sentence? My my.

          "Decadent, depraved, degenerate and debauched America..."

          Matthew 7:1-7:2:

          "Judge not, that ye be not judged.

          For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged : and with what measure you mete, it shall be measured to you again."

          Not all of America is decadent, depraved, degenerate and debauched. Just as all Muslims are not terrorists, and not all Germans Nazis. In fact, Jesus preaches that none should be judged at all, much less a group judged as a whole.

          "...having bought the lie that It's OK to be gay, has thereby changed the truth of God into a lie..."

          Leviticus 18:22-23 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

          It is in the Bible that God does not wish for us to act on homosexual thoughts. I assume that some say acting on homosexual thoughts is alright with God - If that is being said, then it is obviously not true. However, just because one has misinterpreted the Word of God or otherwise does not change the Truth of God into a lie - It is just being misinterpreted and mispresented thereof.

          God does not hate. A rather popular passage points this out:

          John 3:16:

          For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

          God loved the people of the world back then so much that he sacrificed his only Son so they could be saved - Does he love us all so much now?

          Malachi 3:6:

          For I am the Lord, I change not: therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.

          God does not change. We have proof in John 3:16 that he loved the world then, and seeing as He does not change, he most certainly loves it now. Love is a very far cry from hate.

          I John 4:8:

          He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

          God is love. A very simple, yet very meaningful phrase. God is not hate. God is love.

          Matthew 5:48:

          Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

           We obviously are not perfect - The only human that ever has been, is or will be perfect is Christ. Yet we can strive to be as perfect as possible, by learning and living God's word. Most definately we should not hate those who do not live their lives in this fashion. We should not hate anyone - If God is perfect and does not hate, we should strive to be like Him in that respect as well (Hating Satan being a very, very big exception to this rule). Though thoughts of homosexuality come from influences outside of God (devil spirits, etc.), it is not our responsibility for what comes into our minds, but only what we keep there. By learning the Word and will of God we can learn what thoughts come from God, and what comes from outside influences that we should not heed, keep, or act on. Instead of discriminating against those affected by those outside influences, they should be trying to help them. We should give them the means and direction necessary to learn where the thoughts come from, why not to act on them, how to distinguish between influences (God and those outside of God), and how to dispel thoughts from those bad influences.

          Matthew 5:16:

          Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

          Lead by example. Live by the principles God has set out, and lead a life of abundant living. Teach others how you came across this abundant life.

          Matthew 5:3:

          "Blessed are the poor in spirit : For their's is the kingdom of heaven."

          This verse was giving me a bit of trouble, so I sat down for a while and studied it. I decided to start with the first phrase : "Blessed are the poor in spirit." One of the uses of blessed in the Bible is to be:

          "Happy, very happy."

          A use of poor in the Bible is:

          "To dispossess (or to put out of posession)."

          Poor itself means:

          "Lacking material posessions".

          So the first half Matthew 5:3 can be translated as "Happy are those that cast away material posessions." And as all principles of God should be worked into our daily lives and our spirits themselves, let us finish the translation and define spirit:

           "An animating or vital principal."

           So ultimately, Matthew 5:3 can be translated as:

          "Happy (blessed) are those that cast away(poor - disposses) the need (or principal) of material posessions, for their's is the kingdom of heaven." A home in the kingdom of heaven of course being one of the greatest gifts available, and obviously not a material posession.

          A vital principal for us all to live by, as preached by Jesus, is to cast away needs and desires for material wealth.

          Matthew 6:19 - 6:20:

          "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the Earth, where moth and dust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through to steal:

          But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor dust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal."

          Jesus's sermon in Matthew (5:1 - 7:27) lays down all that God wants and provides to us, and also how to live our life in order to appreciate and appropriate those gifts to the fullest. It's quite an interesting read. I would recommend it to anyone. The whole Bible, for that matter.

          =P

     Alex is very thankful that he has so many people that care about him =) Thanks so much Layla...You really don't know how much today meant.

=)

-Alex