ahh fuck

so its been a while since i have been on this thing. me and the guy named Ryan in the last post no longer talk, that is unless hes looking for Josh....

let me tell you about Josh. about a 2 years and some odd months ago he came in to my life, when i wasnt even looking. Thanks to my BFFT for interduseing us. it was rocky at first. see him and this guy named Tyler were "bros" at the time. and Tyler had a really big thing for me, as he still does. Josh told Tyler he wouldnt do anyting with me and all...u know the whole "bros before hoes" thing. yeah i was dating Kyle for the thrid and last time because i was to blind and stupid to see before that Kyle was a jackass and stupid. one day i was on AIM minding my own business not bothering anyone when out of no where a IM box poped up with a screen name i did not know. guess who it was...Josh....and he was telling me (like i would listen) that Kyle wasnt good for me and he was just useing me and that i could do better then him. at one i just thought it was Tyler and up to his old ways of getting us to break up, and for the most part i was right, and so was Josh. then i hated him because he wouldnt stay out of my life and he was tring to tell me what to do. one day in first block i think there was a fire drill. well me being me and being shy i didnt have anyone to talk to. low and behold there was Josh standing there. i was bored out of my mind so i walked over and stood next to him. we talked some then i was like "im really cold" he held out his arm and i stood closer so he could hold me, that was the beginning. as days went on our little "i hate you" phase had ended. and when we talked we didnt fight. Tyler was getting worried because i was giving him hugs. i told Tyler not to worry there were just "friendly" hugs and ment nothing, and at the time they did. weeks went on as the school days got colder. i was bored one day on the phone with Josh and asked him where he lived. to, i think, both of our susprises we lived really close to each other. so he showed up in the black truck that no longer runs. he was looking like good as he always does. but he was smarter then i gave him cridet for. he noticed i wasnt standing close to him. and every time he would move closer i would take a step back. i told him it was nothing. and had nothing to do with him. the next night he was back. and it was colder. so he wraped me in his arms and jacket and had me pinned against the van. ahhh that van....he kissed my neck. it was like heavn on earth when he did. i got light headed and lost my breath. but sadly. he had to go. i didnt want it to stop. not for a second. so i kept calling him back for hugs. then he got it. so he kissed my neck again. then he got in his truck and drove off. then the next day he had to go to Lauras ( his g/f at the time and this biggest whore i know) but he stoped by. once again my back to the van, he kissed me. it was like something i never felt befor. the world was spinning, i couldnt breath and i swear if my back wasnt to the van i would have feel my legs got so weak. it was love. and i knew it.. from the fist kiss. we got closer and closer by each passing day. and then there was the frist trial of our love. he had just got done telling me how much he cared about me and how much he liked me then he went to with Lauar to smoke (after they broke up) me and Tyler followed them a little later, then i saw it. he kissed her. right in front of me. i was broken right then and there. and it took everything i had not to trun around and just walk off. he told me it ment nothing.

2 days of school left....
so.tomorrow we get out early.at like 11 something i think.which it cool...now..the sad part.one of my best friends..Nikki.shes moveing.like an hour away.and..i wont get to see her as much.and thats really really really sad.and then Becca.is goin to FL for a whole 2 weeks..and Aaron is goin to his dads for the whole summer.and Stephen is goin to military school 3 weeks from Friday and GRR i dont want him to go.im gonna cry.ill miss him like crazy.and the fact that i call him ever night to talk.ok but yeah...i dont wanna think about that right now..i still have 2 days to talk to him.so yeah..im single again...YAY...i mean...im not as sad as i thougnt i would be but u know..im still sad.but yeah...so this is my update for now..so....later..Love Ya