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AbercrombieBoiM
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Name: Matt
Birthday: 9/12/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Singing, Dancing, shopping, movies, music, friends, parties, business, fashion trends, TV shows, and debate
(One of my friends told me about their friend that dated a guy that listed Tanning as his #1 hobbie, that's scary!)
Expertise: Marketing, Sales, Philosophy, family law, ethics, and sex, and fashion (like anyone is an expert at sex)
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Business
Message: message me
AIM:  CanadianMatt81
MSN: canadianmatt@hotmail.com
Member Since:
11/10/2003
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| GOODBYEAfter a great long many years with Xanga. I have decided to abandon the site. It just isn't giving me what I want anymore. Bigger and better things have come along, like myspace. If anyone really cares since as far as I can tell nobody has been to my page in months I will leave a forwarding website. If you wanna know what's up with me, or hear my random insight on life visit me at
www.myspace.com/canadian_matt
I have been posting a great deal of things lately and life is still quite exciting, actually, it's been very exciting as of late and I'm happier in my life today then I have been ever in all my years blogging.
So I wish you all well, GOODBYE XANGA!
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| KELLY CLARKSON - ADDICTED
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the powers
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, in my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, in my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time, then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
[2x]
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, in my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me | | |
| It's been ages since I posted anything in my xanga, and I know I last left off talking about my new job. I guess that's a pretty good place to start my ranting. I'm working at the American Medical Association, and honestly, I shouldn't bitch about my job because it could be much worse (like working for Imagistics / Pitney Bowes). I guess what bothers me most about my job though is how boring it is. Day after day we do the same thing, and sure the projects come in different forms with slightly different tasks, but it's all the same thing in the end. I plug away at a computer entering data and verifying information. I get lied to or mislead every day collecting this information because when someone from the outside calls a doctors office and they aren't looking to make an appointment with a doctor, the assistant on the phone doesn't give to shits what they tell you. They want you off the phone as fast as humanly possible and will tell you anything to get you off the phone faster. So the information I collect from these people may or may not be true and it frustrates me that I could have just as easily gotten information off the internet that is just as reliable. There is also the factor that there is no accomplishment involved in this job. It's not like you finish something and feel like you've actually done a good job, mainly cause each task is like the other and so it seems as if the task never stops....and it doesn't. My boss doesn't really recognize progress or a job well done either. When Matt doesn't get positive feedback from his work, he begins to be paranoid that he's not doing a good job and stresses out over his job security.
I guess that's another factor to discuss, job security. I'm in limbo right now, because I desperatly need health insurance. I need to see a dentist but I'm scared of the government assistance dentists. I need to find a good doctor for my medical ailments and to actually get a good opinion on things, and my current doctor is pushing me towards a surgery I'm not really looking forward to, and one that could easily be avoided by an over the counter medication that I can't afford because I don't have insurance. You're probably asking yourself, if you work for the American Medical Association why don't you have insurance? Well, that's a fabulous question, I don't have insurance because I'm still working for the temp agency right now. I've been here and I was told that I would be working here for 3 months. I was also told the first week we started here that we'd probably get hired on full time. Now is the waiting game, because I was lied to by the temp agency. They said the assignment was 3 months long but really it's 6 months long, and I'm not likely to get hired until the contract here ends. Once I get hired I will be eligeble for health insurance but I will have to go through another 6 months waiting process before my benefits will take effect. I'm basically looking at about 10 months of waiting before I will even have insurance and by then I will have had to go through extreemly frighting medical treatments. My new question is, what do I do. Should I stick it out here, deal with the boring job and wait 10 months for my insurance, or do I look elsewhere for employement and take my chances. I'm not even sure that my job here is secure beacuse we haven't heard anything about being hired on in 2 months. I don't really know.
I'm still in love, but my relationship with my boyfriend is changing. I fear the honeymoon portion of our relationship is ending and we're not really as excited about each other anymore. This is the time in every relationship where you either stick together or run like hell. In traditional gay relationships they break up because they are always after the excitement. I've come to realize though that what comes after the excitement is better. He's still the same boy I was excited about, that I adore and can't be without. I get scared of change because I'm unsure of how it will effect our relationship, and I don't want us to grow apart. Is there excitement in our relationship, well yes, but it's not a daily excitement as it use to be. I'm secure, confident, happy in my relationship, and I wouldnt' change him out for any hot body or intelectual genium in the world. We're partners in the world and together we are a powerful couple capable of doing anything we set our minds to doing. I have someone in my life to make plans with, to grow old with, to share all aspects of my life with. I always have someone to talk to, to cry with, to hung and kiss when I need it. Someone that is so part of my life that the picture in my head of when I'm 50 is of us both sitting on a portch swing, smoking a cigarette and drinking wine just enjoying the moment. I wouldn't throw away an entire life with one person for all the muscular twinks in the world, cause nobody else can give me so much happiness in my whole life.
In recent conversations though, I had to voice my feelings on the subject of friends vs. boyfriend. It's very common for people to abandon their friends when they get into a relationship. We get territorial over our boyfriends time and want to be included and involved in every aspect of their day. I haven't really gone out and spent time with any of my friends in months, because I don't really want to leave my lover behind. I finally reached a point this weekend though where I really wasn't happy. I'm not unhappy about my relationship, but unhappy in what is missing in my life. My social interaction was missing, going out with my friends, dancing, talking, learning from other people, and being part of other peoples lives. There is nothing wrong with including your boyfriend in social outings with your friends, but there is a 3rd wheel effect and I know I've been on both sides of this. It sucks when you're boyfriend is having a great time with his friends and you are just sitting at the bar waiting for the time to be over. The dynamic of your friendships also changes when you bring your boyfriend to everything you do. Your friends don't talk to you the same way, and you act more reserved then you usually would with your friends. You must keep in mind, your friends are friends with you because of how you were when they first met you. If you are different when your boyfriend is around, as most of us are, then your friends aren't giong to enjoy hanging out with you as much. It's not to say I'm not going to be thinking of my boyfriend the whole time I'm out with my friends, but you need some distance in your relationship as well in order to be an individual and have interests. Me and my friend Drew for example, we are fashionista's and circuit boys, we like to go out and party hard and look the part, but when I bring my boyfriend, I act subdued and reserved. To quote: "well, I have a boyfriend so I can't have fun anymore". I would never to anything to cross the line, but you also don't act crazy when you're boyfriend is around. I in some ways loose my personality entirely because I have no outlet to be myself anymore.
Me and Andy did talk this out though, we're okay and we realize that there are gonna be some parts that suck during this process of change, but it's gonna work out in the end. One of us might be at home alone and bored, while the other is out having fun, but over time we'll both have something to go out and do and we'll be having fun apart from each other, and we'll come home and be happier together, and have stories to share. I think this is gonna make us a stronger couple. I especially say this because I've felt like I'm not trusted and that there has been a level of jealousy from my boyfriend. Since he really didn't seem to want me to go out alone, and to some degree I think there is truth to it. Trust can only be built through experience, if I am never allowed to go to a bar alone we will never have experiences to say "hey look, I didn't cheat on you and I went out alone". Jealousy issues can only be resolved if we both work to have a little seperation in our lives, where we don't feel left out, but feel we have an opportunity to get out on our own for a little while. This is the path to a heatlhier us I believe.
So I've covered work, relationship, I sadly dont' think I have much else to discuss. My heatlh is wonderful honestly, I did get kicked a few times this summer. I had the flu 4 hours after the pride parade ended this year. I was in bed for the whole next day. I'm getting these pain in the ass (literally) procedures done every 3 weeks, but nothing that is making me sick. I was having a horrible time with my tooth, but it seems to have gone away, at least for now. I still need to see a dentist ASAP but I'm okay. The weather is making me feel drained, but that's normal. I'm really praying right now, for some amazing test results from my last doctors appointment which was last week. My T Cell count was up to 576 last time, and my viral load was down to 30,300, which is so great for me. I'm hoping that in the next year I'll see some really amazing numbers and hopefully if I set my mind to it, I will see what I call normal peoples numbers. It's sorta my life goal to be free of everything and feel totally healthy. Being sane would be nice to but that will probably take a lot longer. HAHAHA
Okay, that's most of my update. I totally deleted all the info on my phone the other day and destroyed my social circle in the process. I lost every phone number I use to have, and 1/3 of the people in my phone are people I only can get a hold of through the phone. I'm hoping that those people will call me and it'll all be cool. Even my friends whom I can talk to online seem to have disappeared, so I'm feeling a little naked without my friends phone numbers. Cell phones shouldn't be this complicated to operate, guess it's my fault for pushing buttons I didn't know their function.
Till next time,
Matt
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| I wanted to take a minute to recognize the most important person in my life. Andersen Foxworthy Ritsch is the single most active person in making me who I am today. This man is amazing and he is the best friend, partner, boyfriend, and lover a person could ever ask for. Back in 2004 when I met Andy I was a normal sane person, but was unhappy in life. I had just left school and felt lost, but not a week after I got home from school Andy filled the void that I was feeling. He showed me how to really love a person and made my life complete again.
Now when he left I sorta let my life go to shit. I did really bad things to myself and that void in my life came back. I searched in every way possible to fill that void but nothing could make me as happy as I was with him. No amount of money, sex, lust, drugs, alcohol, friends, or work could fill the void I was feeling inside. I screwed up a lot of things in my life during that year he was gone. Even while he was gone I could do nothing but push him away because of how ashamed I was of where my life was headed. He knows how amazing he was, and he came back to stop me and turn my life around. This boy moved back to Chicago for me, left his life, his family, his friends and moved back up here to be with me. Even after everything that I did, everything I screwed up on, and the fact he knew I was still hurt by him for leaving me, he came back. He struggled through the rest of my hard times and supported me. He solely made me want to be a better person, to be a person he would be proud of, and to work hard at making our relationship stronger and healthier.
I honestly know that I would not be able to get up and go to work every day if I didn't know he was going to wake up next to me, and be home with me after work. He's my best friend and my life partner, we are the "WE" couple in a gay community of impossible love. We have made it through the struggles of gay life and have found happiness in each other in good times and in bad. Without him I wouldn't be able to stuggle though financial hardships, or apartment fiasco's. I wouldn't be able to push for a better job, or dream of the future. Hell, I couldn't even keep my apartment clean until he came along. I also have to say, I appreciate all he does for me. He does do a lot more dishes than me still, and every time he picks up that sponge I try to think of a way to make up for my lazyness.
Andy is the one person in this world I can count on, I can trust, and I can truly love unconditionally (okay save Christine whom I also love unconditionally, can trust, and count on.) He is by far the one person though in this world that I would change for to make him happy. I love you so much Andersen Ritsch!!!! | | |
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I wrote my congresspeople today at www.congress.org about the Marriage Amendment legislation that's currently being voted on:
This legislation is nothing more than a political maneuver to rile up a political base for the upcoming elections. It disgusts me that my taxpaying dollars are being wasted on this ugly piece of legislation that plays with the lives of millions of gay and lesbian Americans.
May I remind you that it is your job as an elected official, when preparing legislation, to work with all parties with an interest in it. I ask you how many gay or lesbian groups you have worked with in writing up such legislation? It's obvious that this you've consulted very fanatical religious groups on this subject of the Marriage Amendment, but have you thoroughly spoken with any gay/lesbian groups at all?
Another question I pose: is this legislation even constitutional? Does it not go against the right of gay and lesbian Americans to pursue happiness? Let me remind you that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are unalienable rights that were recognized by our Founding Fathers.
Marriage is one right that you cannot take away from people, regardless of sexual orientation. You will still have thousands of gay and lesbian Americans living together, having children (whether by adoption or biology), and building families. They will still attend family events, go to work, and function as any other married couples do.
Again, this political chess game, where you've used gay and lesbian Americans as useless pawns, nothing more than pieces to be tossed aside, is reprehensible. Please let me know what you are doing to maintain their status as human beings with the constitutional rights as such. Your response is much appreciated.
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Posted 5/30/2006 at 1:05 PM - email it
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