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Advant1x
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Name: Cef
Gender: Male
Interests: Action, Horror and Sci Fi movies
Listening to every type of music
Clubbing with friends
Learning foreign languages
Being a big brother
Snowboarding
Expertise: Computer geek and eating.
Occupation: Military
Message: message meEmail: email me
Yahoo:  Grab2many
AIM:  ProBater4U
Member Since:
6/27/2004
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| I guess I'm going to start writing in entries again, since I have nobody to talk to. Last week i told James if he wanted to be boyfriends. I told him before his trip to Jamaica, so I gave him that time to think about what I said. Of course, when he came back I was scared to see him cuz I knew he doesn't want to be boyfriends, but yet I still persued it. Which was a big mistake. Cuz he'd rather be friends then to continue dating me. After 2 hours of crying in my car in front of subway. I realized, he isn't worth being boyfriends with only cuz, he is in a rebound but because he's always hurting me. It's funny he tells me that I try to hurt him, which i don't try to. And i know what I'm doing is what my heart tells me. SO I don't do it intentionally. It's like i feel, in his world, hurting me is okay. But it's not okay for me to hurt him. He told me the next time, I get all dramatic, which I don't always do, only in good terms or reasons. That he would not try to talk to me. He's always calling the shots. And i realized that he's selfish in a way. I really dont want that right now. I don't mind if he wasn't in sort of a selfish way. But he is. I really love James, but I guess he doesn't love me as much as I do for him. Like I remember texting him like 5 times a day during the 1st few weeks we were dating. And I understand it could be annoying so I toned it down alot. I only text him if it's an emergency or I need to talk to him about something. I'm learning not to be so jealous, worried or angry so easily. So I want thank you, James, for teaching me new things and experience more things about dating and the other person in a relationship, boyfriends or not. I am getting wiser every day. | | |
| Well I did it again, I met someone. And of course, I'm tired of his bullshit. It's like I feel so unappreciated. And you know what? It's my fault. Like always. I'm always thinking with my heart. I'm so tired of it. Like no matter how much I text, he never texts back. Not a hi, hello or good night. Just something. And wats this rebound shit. If you guys broke up for a good reason. There's a small tiny chance that you'll ever get back together, stop dwelling on the past. Especially to something that's so difficult to ask for. There's so much out there, stop being stupid and seek out other things. I'm fed up of this bullshit. I wasted my time and energy, and all i wanted was to be noticed. | | |
| I was taking a shower this morning and I was thinking, . . . I can't believe what Sebastian did. Instead of hurting himself, he'd rather hurt me instead. How selfish is that? Why couldn't he see that spending as much time with me is more important. He wouldn't even get hurt when I leave, cuz he would have the chance of getting to know me. And maybe, being with me. Okay, it sucks that I'm going to hawaii, but not 'till October, . . . that's like, a lot of fuckin' time to spend with someone. And now, I'm like hurting so much inside cuz I can't be with him. I think it would be more easy for me if I cut him from my life. I deleted his SN in AIM, his phone numbers, pictures, link to myspace and his character in City Of Heroes. It's for the best. I thought he was different. They're all the same. No sense and no heart. 
Test review today, bummer!
I'm tired and I didn't jo today, what's wrong with me? | | |
| - Hear Me - I met a wonderful guy a few weeks ago. His name is Sebastian. We've been talking on and off on yahoo for several months before we finally decided to see each other. When we finally decided to meet up, I drove up to LA. Since I'm down here in San Diego, the only time I can come up to see him is during the weekends. He's so cute. So I guess, we're officially talking to each other. Nothing solid or serious......he's also a great friend. I call him mostly everyday. But I guess I was wrong.......once again, there is no break for me. For some reason, he's so worried about the fact that I'm leaving for Hawaii in October. Which I totally understand. I swear "love" it's just not for me. He told me, that he was looking for someone who he can spend the rest of his life. And you know what? That's what I want too. I mean, why worry about me leaving, since we got our whole lives to know each other. Apparently, he's just not strong enough to wait 2 years. And it's not like I won't be back. I can pop a chit to take a week off and catch a flight to LA and see him. But I guess it's just not enough for him. I swear,......everytime shit like this happens. My heart gets deeper and deeper. I promised myself not to fall for a guy over 50 miles. And look what I did. Wasted my time. FUCK! 
Kuya Joe is leaving on sunday. I hate it when beautiful people in my life have to leave. I will dearly miss him. I wish I could have hanged out with him at least once.  | | |
| Dustin, my roommate, told me something while we were having our daily sarcastic arguments. He said all gay men are sluts. I wasn't offended when he said it at that moment cuz I knew in my heart that wasn't true. But then,......I start questioning my integrity. And everytime I stop to think about it. After he said that, the conversation led to the point when we were trying to figure out how much more people I've had platonic sex with then him. And I think I've had sex with more people than dustin, randy, or eddie. They were also involved in the conversation. So it's official,.......I am a slut. For one thing, I know if someone, who I might find sexually attractive, asks me to have sex with him,...... I know for sure I will not have the strength to say no.
Last weekend, I went up north to see the fam but I got side tracked from seeing Kian instead. And all I planned to do with him was go clubbing and hang out at his place. But then one thing led to another......and we ended up having sex. I hesitated after he started touching me, but I couldn't tell him no. It's been so long since I've felt someone touch me like that. Maybe I should lay off the sex scene for a while. Besides slapping on a condom is starting to be a hassle and expensive. I don't know. I'm not ashamed of being promiscuous, it's just......everytime I have one night stands or some sex get-a-ways, I feel like a piece of me is falling off.
I still hate Tim. So many places in san diego remind me of him. Especially when I drive pass the Camp Pendleton exit on the 5 freeway. Maybe going to Hawaii is a good idea for me.
My detailer dropped the ball on my orders to hawaii. And it seems to me that I'm not going to DMS school enroute to my next command. I hate this shit. He gave me some bullshit reason that the school is closing down and I didn't get the quota or something. All I heard was "bullshit" coming out of his mouth. And you know what? I didn't even want these orders, I was forced to choose them. I don't know......I swear, I have this gut feeling that he forgot about me. Picking orders was so so easy when Senior Chief Wells was my detailer. I miss her. But I'm still going to hawaii. I just don't know how to tell Mikey that I won't be going to Virginia anymore to see him. And to tell you the truth, I was actually hoping to see him again. Even though he annoys the fuck out of me, I do miss him.
I finally decided to get my Air Warfare qual. In a month or so, I should be qualed. DUB DUB here I come.
My grandparents are coming this monday, and I got the day off to pick them up from the airport. | | |
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