| | Prepare for WineActually, that's whine, but I wanted to lure you in first.
Just kidding, I am just feeling slightly ignored. Maybe I deserve it, maybe something is wrong with me that everyone can see but me, I don't know.
Wanna hear them all? On a message board I frequent, someone who for the 200th time says that "no one likes me" gets 2 or 3 pages of reassurances for like I said the 200th time. I, on the other hand, can ask what I feel is a real question related to homeschooling or Ainslee jumping like a freaking banshee (almost tic like) in a store, and what alternatives can I give her, and I get.......................nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Oh did I mention, nothing?
My blog is also apparently horribly boring, since even the cutest pictures EVER garner a few reponses (and I am TERRIBLY grateful for them, thank you all so much).
I agreed to be part of the steering team at MOPS and I thought I was doing publicity and they announced last night that someone else is doing publicity and I was mentioned but with no task.
OK, even to myself now I am sounding whiney.
So, to the MOPS banquet. It was fun. I loved seeing all the tables decorated, and now my anxiety is much lessened. In other words, I feel like I could actually hostess or co-hostess a table. I sat at the backyard one, and they had those pretty brightly colored plates and glasses and plastic spoons and fork, but real coffee mugs, thank goodness. I am glad I didn't sit at the table with Spode china and crystal, though it was lovely to look at. Though if I was interested in exacerbating my social anxiety, I could just think that they purposely sat me there because they knew I wouldn't "fit" at the Spode table LOL.
Two lovely young ladies from our contemporary worship music played as our "entertainment" and they did such a good job!
Riley and I are in our local newspaper. When we were doing the exercise class, a newspaper photographer came and took pics, etc. Well, Riley (wearing her green Easter hat, a matching green shirt, and a pink and white checked skirt) is pictured sitting on a tricycle, reading a book, and fortunately I am WAY in the background, and barely mentioned. Ainslee is also in a far, far corner, but you'd really have to use your magnifying glass to see her. It is an adorable picture of Riley, too!
Ainslee and I finally made it to the cognitive co-op. I had forgot to ask my neighbor to watch Riley until that morning and I left her a message and she didn't get back with me so we took Riley. I would have preferred not to, since they are a VERY quiet class because the teacher's son apparently has some "special issues" and one of them is an extreme sensitivity to sound. So. the class was quiet. And much like a Montessori class, all of the games and activities have specific and multi-functional goals. The students can choose and change what they are working on as long as they are working on "something."
This could go either way with Ainslee, who doesn't like being told what to do but also has a hard time sticking with anything. She rejected two or three of the activities that were "suggested" by the teacher to do with her friend, and they ended up coloring and drawing. Which was fine, and I really don't care if she draws and colors, she does it all day long here all of a sudden, but I just noticed that she tended to get very distracted.
The problem is they are making the class be 5 hours next year at a new location and the price goes from $50 to $80 a month. That was just enough to make me stop and think about my goals. I almost asked the teacher if I could get a discount if they didn't teach her anything. See, here's what I want: I want to know in advance and something I can count on that on this day for these hours I can drop my kid off and not worry about her and know she will be safe, loved, and have fun. That's what I want. I could care less if she learned math, or reading, or anything else, that's what the other four days are for IMO. I do not want to trade off with another mom. That involves too much planning, backing out at the last minute, and requires me to make a "friend". I just want to have a safe place to take her where I am not in charge of her one day a week.
I'm having a tough time transitioning out of preschool mindset apparently. I also know it's spring, and that's when I am most desperate and feeling most like "I can't do this one more year". It's okay. She has VBS almost all next month and then one day a week summer school in July and by then, I'll wonder why I ever wanted to have her gone. It will be okay. Deep breath, pray. Repeat. But I do not feel it's a wise use of our resources. For that amount of money, we could have a family membership at the Y, which would have a more overall use. But, but, but my selfish self is going to miss the days off. Having Riley at school is not like having Ainslee at school. Riley is just herself, Ainslee wants,expects and demands something "special" and most especially when I am the least willing. It doesn't help that the elementary school down the road is FREE! LOL Can I just send her a day or two a week?
Suggestions welcome and requested, by the way.
Also, I do have an appointment with my general doctor about my meds. I just can't do Wellbutrin anymore. It's too boring. I function but I just function, there is no sparkle, no color. Off of it, I sparkle but can't function LOL. Actually I bounce from sparkle to whining to despair pretty much all day long interespersed with bouts of unbearable tension. I'm tired of my jaw and shoulders hurting, too. I mean, I could do wellubutrin, it feels good for a little bit, and it's probably better than this. Anyway, I'm gong to ask for Effexor. It's more efficient for anxiety which is how my depression manifests itself. It works well for my sister whose symptoms are VERY similar to mine. And another person on a message board who has symptoms almost exactly like mine swears by it and says Wellbutrin "flatlines" her as well. So we'll see. My sister says if it works for you, it's good. Wellbutrin that worked so well for me for so long actually made her gain weight and get more depressedw hich is kind of the opposite it did for me. I've heard both weight gain and loss on Effexor. I would prefer neither actually LOL. I might just need an increase in dosage on the Wellbutrin since it "worked" for me fora long time and now it only takes me so far, and leaves me plateued.
That's more than you all every watned to know, I'm sure. My plans are to make a dress for Riley today, supervise Ainslee's school and that's about it! Yay!!
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So I feel your pain, sort of. 
Have a good rest of the day!
You're all included. 
I am always inspired (and just a tad envious) hearing about your day to day activities and yes, struggles as well. I know I'll have my work cut out for me trying to HS Jasmyne. It's been *really* fun trying to explain to my public school education colleagues why I'm leaving...Anyway, I'll remember your posts on days I want to pull my hair out, and how you stuck with it even on days you felt you couldn't!
