| | Whew!So yesterday I went to my doctor's appointment and he doubled my dose of wellbutrin. Pretty much what I expected, I've been on a half dose for two years. He did say I wasn't "normal" LOL because few people get emotionally flat on wellbutrin and I did know that from my research, it's more common with the SSRIs and often Wellbutrin is given if a person IS going flat emotionally. And it worked well for me for a long time, it was my miracle drug, so I just think a half dose wasn't gonna cut it. How silly of me to have waited this long and to have gotten to the point I was. Right now, I'm on a five day ramp up at the usual dose (because I ran out and have been out for a few weeks) which of course didn't help matters any. I'm so stupid, I know better, but it's typical I guess to think it's all in your head and you can power through on your own...........I need to quit reading stupid self help book. Depression/anxiety mix runs in my family for generations back!
Last night was Ainslee's choir party. A church friend needed a ride and then a ride to the grocery after and I was feeling so horrible that it felt good to do something for someone that involved just sitting in the van LOL if you know what I mean. I was so tense and yet depressed at the same time. Gah!!
And get this: I didn't get to bed until like 11:30 and then it took a few minutes to get to sleep and then Riley woke at 2. We tried for an hour in her bed to go back to sleep and give her cred, she is so sweet and did try hard to go to sleep. Then she wanted to eat, so at 3, we got up and sat on the couch and she ate ham and a granola bar. At 4, I gave in and started a video for her and made myself some coffee. By 6, she was sleepy and I just put her back to bed.
Between my sinus med with pseudoepehdrine that I took two of yesterday because I can't stop sniffling and hacking and my throat is sore, and my first dose of wellbutrin and a pot of coffee already and the missed sleep, I am liable to have some mild mania today. Which is so helpful because I will be able perhaps to catch up on some things and that will help my overall mood, too. But unlike 20 years ago, I'll crash by this evening, this mania won't last for several days like it used to, I've burnt it out, I guess.
Oh and whoever reads this, I am so sorry for the whiney post. I mean, I knew it was whiney at the time, but geesh! I really appreciate everyone who took the time to post and reassure me, though. It was just a culmination of things, not least of which was ahem, the big D word I've been avoiding for awhile.
And speaking of Riley's potty using, not that we were of course, it's annoying! Ainslee didn't go frequently, I never worried, she'd hold it until we got home and I put a pullup on her if she felt like wearing panties before she started using the potty. Riley pees in tiny dribbles like ALL THE TIME. We have TONS of successes throughout the day, we also have mounds of laundry: panties, clothes, towels from wiping up, peed on pillows, rugs, and so on ad nauseum! I am just not used to this, and frankly now I remember why I was reluctant to train Ainslee because of all the hassle, diapers are EASIER people! Not, of course, that this panty-wearing, toilet-using thing was my idea with Riley either. And there was my little vent for the day.
I just finished listening to the first half of Great Courses series "Great Figures of the New Testament" by Ann Jill-Levine. I enjoyed though I am not sure I learned anything new. I am surprised however to find that she and apparently her colleagues look at the Bible archetypally (sp?) as well. I just thought that was the Orthodox Church or something. At least I'm familiar with it and with the concept that the Gospels are literally that "good news", not historical documents and so on. But anyway, I also found Bart D. Ehrman's "Beyond the New Testament: Early Church Fathers" and will start on that while waiting on the second half of Dr. Levine's series to come to my library.
I get a lot of crocheting done because I like these courses, too, so it's a bonus! |
