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| The Italians have a tradition that whatever you're doing on New Years Eve you'll be doing for the rest of the year.
Based on that, I was feeling optomistic about 2006. Or at least had the hope that it would be better than 2005.
2006 has been a series of occasions where people I love have let me down. It's always worse when it's people you truly love, because you feel like you can't be mad at them. Or maybe it's just be that I won't let myself be mad at them. I don't know, maybe that's bad. Maybe my therapist will tell me I need to be more honest with people. Maybe she'll say that people will be happier with me if I tell them the truth. But maybe that's bullshit. Every time I've tried to be honest with someone, it always turns to shit.
2006 has turned to shit, too.
I don't really know what I'm doing right now. I don't know if I want to stay in Kentucky or transfer schools again. I can't keep doing this, moving around, going to a new school every year. I'm convinced that the only reason I'm still in school at all is because I'm so passionate about my major that I'm willing to suffer until I graduate. And the more I transfer schools, the longer it'll be until I have my diploma. And even if i did want to transfer, I'm stuck in this apartment until next summer.
Potentially, I could be graduating a year from now. If it hadn't taken me so fucking long to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Potentially I could be leaving Bowling Green in a year. In 2007.
I wonder what New Years Eve has in store for me this year. Except I have the feeling that the Italians don't know what the fuck they're talking about. | | |
| I'm not feeling introspective or poetic anymore. I'm just tired and have a slight buzz. Probably by the end of the evening it will be more than that, but maybe not.
I have a job at the Hampton Inn. I'm moving up in the world. This officially means I work for the same family that produced the dreaded Paris Hilton, but I'm trying not to think about that. Instead, I'm glorying in the world of mustard yellow polyester and neck scarves.
However
Today a customer got upset because she was checking in and back in the office we were talking about masturbation. She heard us. I'm for any job where you get complaints for talking about masturbation with your boss and your boss's boss.
I think Hampton Inn and I will get along just fine. | | |
| Rain always makes me introspective. Sometimes I think that I was meant to be a meteorologist, only I was lost somewhere along the path of math and science. After years upon years of horrible math teachers, I thought it was my fault I didn't understand.
Part of me thinks 80% of teachers out there should be fired. The other part admires them for doing a job I could never do.
I was always told in high school that I would love college. I'm still waiting. I feel like I'm biding my time now, until I graduate and I can leave. I've already changed schools once, and I'm thinking about it again. Only no school I can find has what I want to learn.
I've never fit into cliques and that's why I don't feel like I belong at this school. It's like high school, only with 18,000 underclassmen. One would think that in a place with that many students, there would be someone else who didn't fit into social categories. But those people have already formed their own clique and apparently don't accept new members.
I'll never understand our society, how conformity is awarded so completely.
The wind is increasing. The rain is almost here.
I went on a study abroad trip a few weeks ago where we did a one-week tour of four concentration camps in Poland, and then a one-week tour of Israel. Auschwitz I, Auschwitz II: Birkenau, Treblinka, and Majdonek. It was a hard trip. I'm still trying to put all the pieces together in my head, to try and understand the things I saw. But is that possible to understand it? I sometimes fear that understanding, worried that when I do that I'll also understand how the Nazis thought. I don't want to know that. I don't want to know why it was funny for those kids in high school to dress up like Nazis for Halloween, for people to say to my Jewish friend when he got mad, "Forget about him. He's pissed because the Nazis forgot to put him in the oven." Or "Looks like the Nazis missed one."
I'll never understand our society, how it forgets the past so easily.
Here comes the rain. | | |
| I had a job interview today, and I have another one on Tuesday. I made it perfectly clear that I considered it very important to be allowed sick days to go to funerals. They agreed.
I think we'll get along quite well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdT9dfrb-Q&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fmalcontent%2Ebiz%2Fblog%2F
This is the only time I've ever agreed with Fox News. | | |
| The Wonderful Joys of UnemploymentToday marks the beginning of week 2 of my complete lack of things to do. For a while, not having a job actually worked out. It was the end of the school year and I was getting ready for my study abroad class in Poland and Israel. A job would only have gotten in the way. But now I'm back from the trip and school is over. I'm starting to play the "how many days has it been since I've left the house?" game. Every place I've applied said they wouldn't be hiring until the end of the month, or that they would be hiring soon but they "weren't sure when." I'm pretty much in a situation right now where I'm waiting for people to quit, or get fired.
In other news, I'm officially 21 now. In between memorizing dumb, low-budget, 80s movies on Comedy Central I've been doing a lot of drinking. I was planning a birthday party, but no one showed up so there's all sorts of leftover alcohol. I'm truly turning into a writer: unemployed, spending my days drinking, smoking, and writing while my roommate is off at work. I've turned into one bad habit.
I miss Israel. So much. An incredible amount. Poland pretty much sucked harder than Paris Hilton, but Israel was wonderful, beautiful, amazing. One of my professors has been trying to talk me into going back next summer on a one-month Hebrew study course. We'll see how much money the school is willing to give me for this.
Anyway, time to get back to watching fat people be forced to diet. Ah, the wonders of cable. | | |
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