| Yay!!!! school is in im in psychology and english pre honors!! yay!! |
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| Hot Hot Heat BANDAGES!!!!! love the song
What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm the hero, but I'm the zero.
Hungry nights, once again
Now it's getting unbelievable.
'Cause I could not have it better,
But I just can't get no break
From the girls, all around
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.
I just pass through...
singing...
ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Singing...
ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
singing...
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Singing...
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh oohh.
Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
[solo]
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhh Oohh.
Singing...
ooooooooooooooh owoooooo owoooo owo owooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooo owo owoooooo wwwowwwo wowowoww
woooooooowoooowooooooooooooow
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| I know i shouldnt care anymore, not after all the shit. It doesnt matter how many people i do or dont have in my life, just the one that has never been there for me or has talked to me more than an hour, is the person i need more than anything, more than life itself. Its just not fair that after 8 years...there still is nothing. It pains me so much and makes me cry at the end of the day just thinking about it, could be the best day of my life and yet in the long run it still sucks no matter what. Who cares about any kind of sickness, or abuse thats been done, anything at all. Its all worth no more than a hay stack. I appriciate my life, the people who have stayed by me through everything but they all leave dont they? Always and i can live with staying home every day with nobody here for me, without talking to anyone for months but what the fuck! Why the hell does it always have to happen, this kind of shit makes me so sick of everything, the moving and bonding just being nothin at all. I have three fathers, two that care are of no blood and thats fine with me, but the one that shares the same cells as I, is the one who is not there. Maybe if i did fucking die he would regret it. He would regret not being there and maybe he would feel something and take some feelings for himself and fickin give a rats ass about me. Thats all i want!!! Just some damn attention from my own fuckin dad, maybe theres a reason why he doesnt, i dont know but thats not what i care about. Not at all, all i do is cry over him and wish that somehow he would reply to an email, or say that hes sorry and that he loves me and how much he cares. And i know it wont happen, i dont want to get married because id have to pick between people in my life that i love so much and thats not fair. Yeah im selfish and im a bitch with no heart at all. I have more than others and less than most but i appriciate it with all my heart because i have had nothing more or less of my whole life. I try to be successful in life but im not brains at all, im more like luck and nothing but luck. People are repelled by me unless somehow they like me which is beyond my mind. Im sick and tired and then more sick and tired. There are some people who deserve life and love and everything and if i cant even get it from someone who knows i exist, and can or could have done something, i dont deserve it. Pointless at this point... just so fucking stupid. I hate it all. Wish someone would come to the school and shoot me, just kill me and then it would all be better. Maybe people would care about something or just lose something they cared about. Means nothing to me anymore, im shaking crying and just in the same position i was in not too long ago. All i want is the pain that i can expect the next day, something i know will happen. Nobody can do or say anything, the only person that i have wanted to depend on will never care. And it hurts more than anything, thats the only reason i am weak and fucked up. So whats the point now. |
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| My mother and I went to go se emy grandfather up in folsom and it was so good to see him looking so much better than he has been in a long time. I missed him a lot. Fathers day was a loss cause i suppose, didnt see any of em and yeah.. i dont know what to do really. Im happy that nobody reads this so i can vent just a bit. I am fucking tired of being ignored by my real father... eight fucking years!!! That HAS to count for something doesnt it? I mean at least an email with some kind of love in it. The thing i have from him is a calender that he bought me from barns and nobles a long ass time ago and a memory of meeting him for the first time at a dennys or lions in concord with my grandma bettey, who i had also met for the first time that day. I can live my life just like any other person pretending to be something they are not, except im just a tab better than the fuckers i know. I only say this because i dont tell anyone shit even if im talking, just like on here. Its all in my poems and expression but it can also mean a million different things you know. I am completely sober now and days and im feeling a little cleansed but i just cant deal with it, still feel like shit but you know, purge the demon and it will go away. Bullshit. Anyhow i have written more than i wanted to and all and all i am done. |
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| Where are we goin from here eh?
Well today was okay ran a mile, played bat-gammen..haha i had a cramp in me right leg and then we swam. Yay the fun. I get home and sleep then im attacked with text messages. Oh the joy!!! Im not goin to school tomorrow but i am goin to my bros promotion thing. So yeah im out for summa bitches!! |
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