|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Grey and Dreary dayToday is grey and dreary outside. It's like dullness and darkness just seems to smoother itself over Wellington. The other day, I got a call from the police approx 11PM. He told me that I had to move my car because a bus had just hit it. I look outside, and this is true. I wish I could say I was in disbelief, but by now, I've accepted the fact that I have an uncanny knack for attracting trouble. I noticed the bumper paint's been scraped; so the bus company insurance will repay it. I just think - more time and effort for me. Jeez. And yesterday... Speaking of dreary, I catch a snapshot show of an extremely overweight woman. She was so huge, she was confined to her bed night and day. She was naked because clothes wouldn't fit her anymore. Her version of exercise was moving her arms and legs around in circular motions and the bed would shake. Sadly enough, it really just looked like a beached whale. The insightful comment that the psychologist said though was, "There does come a point where the problem becomes so great, you just eat yourself into a point of no return." "Point of no return," those words seemed to soak into me. Is that true of any vice? Pornography? Laziness? Greed? I don't know. But they were haunting me by echoing again and again: No return. I didn't know what to make of this lady, the ethics of the show, or anything else. I just felt sad. Real sad. Sad, that for years, she had missed out on living. Then it makes me think, have I missed out on living? When I go home today, I'm going to wash my diseased sheets. I've been sick for over a week now, and after I'm sick I like to wash my sheets as a way to say "good riddance to bad rubbish." Shall i have a healthy life. | | |
| FeverThe last few days have been dreadful, as I’ve come down with the flu. I had to take 1 day off of work. A fever had poessessed me on Wednesday, and I could feel my temperature go up and up. I was sweating, and as the sweat cooled me down, my body started going through chills. I knew I was losing control of my internal body temperature because when I drank cold water, my body would feel icy pulses. When I drank hot soup, I felt like I was in a steaming sauna. The fever was eating away at me. At one point, I became so hot that I had passed away into sleep without knowing it. Is this fainting? The positive side was I had such pleasant dreams and when I woke up I was euphoric. I took a bath on Tuesday, and it did make my body feel warmer, though I’m sure I really was hot enough. Thursday, I went to work and that was a mistake. Coworkers commented how flushed I looked. I couldn’t even truly make sense of the world around me. This was bad. I was dizzy often and just felt like sleeping. I went home early.
Friday showed some signs of recovery, though I was still couching up my lungs. I went home early on a Friday night and went to bed around 10AM. When I woke up on Saturday, I felt more alive. The fever had broken, and I seemed to be recovering. Good news.
I guess all in all, it wasn’t so bad. I had lots of time to think – and thinking is good for me. I wondered about my life, the world, and my role in all of it. I dreamed of my future and what to do. I thought if I should go to law school or not and the notions of true love. I also told myself to stop overexerting myself in exercise. (I often seem to get sick after overexerting myself.) And most importantly, I counted my beautiful blessings and lucky stars. I have many of those this year! I guess I developed a deeper compassion for AIDS and cancer survivors. I can’t imagine going through life being so weak and disabled. Any how, my life in a page… | | |
| Why does this kind of crap always happen to me?!!! I was going to my work gym approx 6PM. When I went upstairs to collect my stuff to go home, my cell phone was gone. Where is it? Was Paul being forgetful again and absent mindedl? Well, I called my cell with my landline. It was off. Now that's interesting because I just finished charging it and didn't turn it off. Weird?
I knew I had to accept the truth of the matter: My cell phone was stolen.
I called Security, who took my details: Gone from 6:00PM - 7:30PM. To the gym. Phone was gone. Then they said there was nothing they could do except pass along my details. Hopeless. And the worst thing was that if the night went, the thief would be gone. Time was not on my side. I knew whoever he was, he was still in the building. I hate feeling helpless - like seriously hate that feeling. So, I went to do something about it.
I waited until I could find a cleaner. I asked for help to see their supervisor. She was in Mob 1. I explained the situation and said, "I'm sorry about bringing this to you, but my cell phone was stolen. The only people in here at the time was the cleaners. 6 - 7:30PM according to security. And I'm sure it was stolen." They looked upset and called in all the cleaners who was working the MOB3 shift. There were 4 of them. To be honest, I was kind of feeling bad that ALL had to be questioned. Two of the boys looked like they could care less because they were innocent. One looked extremely nervous. The other, nervous he was reprimanded for leaving the workspace off duty. The whole time, I'm thinking, how do I get this thing back? [I try several things.] And I proposed the solution, I said, "Let's make this painless, can we? Now, no questions will be asked if I get my phone back tonight. But, if I find out who does this, I will press charges. Now, we can get someone to fingerprint my desk now and take your prints and that'll be the end of that. [of course I was bluffing. I'm thinking police officers won't take the time to dust my desk] But if we do it that way, I guarantee I'll press charges." The cleaning supervisors looked unhappy and asked me to leave the room. There was an "ah ha" behind the doors. I was asked to come in. I got my phone back. And I was issued an apology. It was obviously the nervous boy. And I gave the boy a very long lecture on trust, reputation, the future and other boring stuff that had to be said. I am proud of myself I recovered my stolen item. It's like a boomerange phone - always returns to me. Best of all, I know what guilty looks like now. It's a behavior more than the person. Well, Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonics does say, conflict is the best environment to demonstrate the best of your skills. So this stuff probably happens to have interesting stories. Happy readings. | | |
| I'M STILL ALIvE!I suppose I haven’t updated my blog in a long time – some might call it forever. You heard from me in February – I was travelling all over NZ. Now, it’s July. Its been the changing of a couple seasons I suppose. The country went from a summer to drastic winter. There was no fall in between. So, what’s been big news? Well – a couple things I guess. I had to finish 4 essays in 10 days. That’s a personal record for me. I also had to do this while working full time. I can’t believe I managed it! I was staying at work until 11PM everyday to do this for 10 days. It’s amazing to know what you’re made of I suppose. My Russian friends, who now live in Los Angeles visited me. That was very honouring and heartwarming to have someone from so far away to come. They brought home and their friendship with them. We were travelling together for 2 weeks. Again, we started from Auckland and made our way to Rotorua. We did the mud baths and the luge there. We ate like royalty in Wellington and started on the South Island. We went from Blenheim to Kaikoura to Christchurch to Queenstown and the Fjordland. 16 days of my 4th holiday in a year. Not bad I guess. I had an awesome birthday party with my Russian friends. We ate at a beautiful restaurant in Queenstown. I had a decadent NZ rack of lamb. To die for – really. Then we had to say our adieus and they left. I was returning back to normal life – if I have a sense of normal.
Then, I had a second birthday party at a Korean restaurant with Russians, Koreans, Chinese and Kiwis. It felt more like the United Nations then a birthday. Bom, my judo instructor, was serving the cake, and as she was serving them one piece came crashing into my face. I fell over backwards, nearly taking the table with me. There was laughter and merriment. Then it was time for the arcades.
I guess that’s all. Work has been quite busy too. I’ll try to update more often. What’s been going with everybody else? Oh, yeah I got off the waitlist from a law school. Yay! | | |
| On life...Here I am, sitting in my cubicle. I have a beautiful view of Wellington. I look as the sun pierces through my window pain, highlighting my desk golden. And I wonder, why am I so bored? The biggest question on my mind, and has been for a month, is what is the purpose of my life? Everyday, every morning, every evening, I think of this haunting thought. The question is like an ebbing and flowing tide that returns to the ocean everyday only to flood back in. Purpose is such a big deal for me. Why do I live? What is the direction and intentionality of my life? And that’s where I’m at philosophically. | | |
|
