my Harlem McDonald's experience:

because i am a safe driver, today i had to go to the DMV in order to schedule a hearing for the speeding and unsafe lane change tickets i got a few weeks ago.  clearly i'm innocent of both charges, but that is another issue.

the DMV is located at 125th street and Lexington, just a couple of streets down from Malcolm X blvd, in the heart of Harlem.

before taking the train back to my apartment, i decided to get a quick burger and coffee.  there weren't any real lines at the counter, just a gaggle of customers standing around, so i just kinda stood around hoping to catch a cashier's eye.

Cashier:  Who's next?  WHO'S NEXT?!  Let's go people ... hello ...??

there were like 6 people kinda/not-really in line between me and the cashier, so i didn't immediately move towards her to order, but after a moment i decide to take advantange and zig-zag'd my way over.

Cashier:  Yeah?  Sir?

Me:  Can I have a hamburger and medium coffee please?

Cashier:  That's it?  <'tap tap tap' of the ordering console>

Me:  Yup.

after she's done getting my order in, she puts together someone else's order and hands it to her.

Girl:  Can I have honey mustard?

Cashier:  Girl, there ain't no honey mustard. 

the cashier then walks away without any further explanation or offer of a different sauce to the poor girl, who looks into her bag with a sad face then slowly slinks away ...

after doing some other things, the cashier prepares my coffee and grabs some creamer and puts it on the counter.  the cashier hadn't asked me if i wanted sweetener, and knowing there are several choices, i say -

Me:  Can I have two Splenda please?

Cashier:  Are you eating here? <with an obviously annoyed look on her face>

Me:  ... Yes ...

Cashier:  You want to chill out?  Relax for a second and let me do my job?

Me:  ... ?

She puts the coffee/splenda/creamer on a tray, then gets my hamburger and tosses it down.

Cashier:  Take your food, go sit down and eat, Sir.

Me: ...

Service at it's very best.

HAHAHA.

what the ..

i'm 32 YEARS old.

when i was a kid there were two Germanys, one USSR and if you said the word "wireless" to me, i'd think .. um .. a plastic hanger? 

one time my dad got mad at me for getting a C- in handwriting because writing things out with a pen and paper was commonplace.  there were only two fonts: print and cursive.

legos used to be my entertainment of choice, i rode a big-wheel and i was totally Calvin and Hobbes - if i was out and about and happened across a small stream, my entire day was booked.  it was guaranteed Mom would be mad at me later that evening for being late to dinner.

today, i can't remember the last time i "got in trouble".  if i want to buy something, i don't have to ask permission.  meal times are ... well, whenever.  no one yells at me to come downstairs because the food is getting cold.  (and i finally understand why it wasn't cool to let the food get cold!)

most of my peers are married and several have kids.  when i get together with friends, we eat and talk - EXACTLY the activity my parents used to do, to which i'd wonder: "how in the world can that be fun?!"  sooner rather than later, i will be doing the eating-and-talking-with-friends-thing and the kids in the next room will be wondering what the heck we could be laughing about with no games or toys in the room.

why i thought poking a girl as many times as possible without actually stopping as i passed her in the hall was a better idea than actually talking to her is quite the odd concept to me today.

it used to be bewildering to me how my mom could enjoy shows like the Young the Restless and Dynasty; my dad National Geographic and Nova.  today, two of my favorite shows are Grey's Anatomy and Dirty Jobs.

sermons actually interest and engage me; no longer do i yearn for closing remarks and prayers so i can get a doughnut, then run out to the playground.

"stopping to smell the roses" meant nothing to me before; today it may as well be my mantra.  (what?  do i mean manta ray?  that cool sea creature? .. sigh .. no .. i actually mean 'mantra'.)

man.

this thing called Life.  weird.