Well well well...i think i start every entry of like that...but all this damn shit in my life deserves some kind of i dunno...lol...fuck white men....they say one you go white you come running back to black WELL DAMMIT IM HAULING ASS BACK TO BLACK....they also say don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch....fuck that shit...one had me all fucked up in the head and now i have to get over his ass. 

Everything was going great at the Seaside beach house...of course me and court were the only to blackies there...we rolled up although it was a little uncomfortable but soon things were popping off...drinks started pouring, blonde mullets were being put on, a little tounge action....it was all good...next thing you know my guy...im just going to call him oeyjay lol.....is really fucked up out of no where so im taking care of him while he's hurling over the toliet..they ten fucking min later im hurling over the toilet too....belive it or not that was one of my best nights ever....first time really drunk as hell...first time with a consenting kissing white boy....first time with all ppl who r best served with alcohol.....

So the next morning i wake up feeling like shit ...no headache just my stomach is killing me....everything things is still going great...oeyjay gets up and comes and kisses me, rubs my back,you know all the good shit....then it all goes down the fucking hill...no talking no looking at each other nothing and this is all while were at the fucking beach ....i didnt have the most flattering bathing suit on either becuase my dumb ass didnt bring one so i had to were Courts and with that small ass bathing suit i couldnt breathe so i had to were a big ass green fucking shirt with ahhh i dont wanna even talk about it lol but yea it seemed like everyone had hot ass bathing suits on..i dont know why i was tripping cause i knew even if i had the sexist bathing suit on the man that i really wanted wouldnt have looked my way...so the group left and went back to the house for another night of partying and somehow i thought i was gonna get some more lip action....but what the hell was i think lol...pahhhh..oeyjay didnt even get drunk so i didnt either but i wish i would have so I wouldnt have been thinking about the pain of someone not wanting me...but thats just the way things go...

I don't get it  and i couldn't explain it...but i went back just to make sure i wanst just being pissy about to whole thing but nope still the same damn thing....its like Courty said "hanging out with them was like a drug to me...it was so good the first time....that i kept going back hoping it would be the same...but as we all know its never as good as the first time"...so i got more and more upset becuase i couldn't put it together in my head of how someone could be so down for you and sooo attracted to and then just ignore you...maybe the answer was right in frount of my face this entire time...i dont know...but one day ill figure it out and then people will really hate me might even try to kill me as Courty said....but thas alright becuase i would have no problem dying knowing that i made it so much better for everbody else.