Today is a strange day. I'm torn between feeling heartbroken or on top  of the world.

So I'm haven't done anything today. & I have a lot to do: Philosophy paper, script anylisis, Acting paper, french, algebra, voice numbering stuff, laundrey stuff, memorizing stuff, and getting all my stuff together. LOT'S OF STUFF. that will more than likly not be done today. bla.

I'm dropping out of my sorority. YAY! And last night was our winter formal. that was my last sorority function.  

& I brought the only guy I'm interested in in this intire campus.

& I got far far far far far too drunk & fucked myself over. I payed for drinks last night and made a deal with him that he could repay me with a kiss.

We kissed.. in the middle of the dance floor. I started it. He finished it. said "Not in public." !!!!!never never tell me when I'm drunk "not in fucking public!!" Is he embarrised by me?! annoyed?! freaked?! I don't get it!! I'm not exactly being forward. We've been hanging out for months now! I currently have five guys falling over me and I'm not even mildly attracted to one of them, then the one guy I actually open up to shoots me down with a "not in public!!!!!"   

``````````````anyway````````````I hear from his.. I mean our.. freinds that he's still heartbroken over his ex factor. from 2 years ago!!! I look her up, find out I know her. She is the most absolutly beautiful girl I've ever seen. and the editor of a colloge news paper. and a geniuin nonconformist. funny, smart, sweet, ya know.. perfect.

so unlike me.

I have now decided to go shower and I will study at Starbucks. maybe I'll invite one of my guy freinds. sweet distraction.