Steven's

The true test of love isn't      
when you're together,         
it comes when you're                
apart and you realize that despite
the distance, love is still there      

 

Okay. Well on Wed. I sat around and cleaned my room and everything, and I was just trying to figure out what to do when Steven texted me. He said that this weekend wasn't going to work, but his mom  had off the next day, so I could come and sleep over. So of course I'm going to say yes, and we met halfway at like, 5:45. It was so nice to see him again. I missed him a looooot. So we went back to his house, and we went swimming for a little bit. It was cold, but we were in until like, 9, and then we came in and watched Snakes on a Plane and Stomp the  Yard. Snakes on a Plane was creepy, and Stomp the Yard was annoying lol. But just being with him was fun. =].
Thursday he had basketball, and I just got up and took a shower when he was gone and by the time I got out of the shower and everything his mom was going to pick him up. Basically we sat around all day because it was icky and storming outside, but we watched movies and played video games haha. It was fun. We left his house at like, 7, and we went out to eat at Max and Ermas, and then my parents met us at Dicks, because Steven needed golf balls...scary. I didn't get home until 10:00 haha.

i love you steven

I'm honestly scared.

i know i say this every time im with steven, but five weeks of not seeing him is going to drive one of us off the edge.  im scared he'll end it b/c he doesnt see me.

Since I saw him last, 2 weekends were in FL, he raced 2 weekends I think, and this weekend we sorta had plans but not set in concrete. I asked him on Tues. what he was doing this weekend, and he said racing, so I said, "Im coming" because i miss the kid a lot, and he just said okay, but never really made plans. I said I'd go over his house Thurs. if I needed to, that way they could leave today without any problems. My mom texted his mom because Stevens not very good at planning, lol, and his mom said that she and sam weren't going, but she'd let my mom know. then last night steven told me they were leaving saturday, so that i could come over tonight if i wanted to. well duh i wanted to, so i got all excited and happy. 4 weeks is a long time.
But then when I woke up I had a text from him saying they were leaving tonight because his car was having problems, and they want to do test runs. I'm not mad at steven at all, im just upset because i was looking forward to seeing him so bad. i mean, camps fun and all but id skip it to see steven. 

im getting really scared. the last time we broke up (the april time) it was because he couldn't see me. i know its the truth, but i mean, he hasnt had a gf since me anyway...but i guess being at the track there are girls and he could probably get one of them. probably ten. hes cute, funny, everything i want.
i dont think hes been acting any different though...hes still talking to me, we talk on the phone, he makes me laugh...everythings the same. but i know how he changes his mind, so thats what worries me.

people keep asking me what im going to do. how stupid are they? i work so hard to get steven back, why would i let him go again? yeah it does suck...yeah it is really really hard...but i think if its meant to be it will happen. if he breaks up with me though, im going to feel bad because i told him we could make it work. i think we can. it just hurts like hell when another weekend without me seeing him goes by...
its also pretty annoying that people are doubting us. like, even my own parents are starting to worry. don't get me wrong, they like steven a lot, and they know how i feeel about him. and they love his parents, for drinking reasons  but they know its killing me not to see him. but when i dont see him my mom just goes "what are you going to do?" and of course i've heard "there are people at camp you know" problem. im not doing anything. its up to steven if we break up or not. problem 2. camp people aren't steven. and even though i dated josh for like 2 months, i never had feelings for him like steven. i thought of steven the whole time.

So basicallllyy, we have a difficult summer in front of us. but i think maybe if we figure out some sort of rutine well be okay. we havent really talked about it, and i think if we get our parents talking they'll figure something out. i mean when we very first started dating, i didnt see him a lot at all. i didnt see him for like 2 months, then i saw him like once a month. but after we figured out that we could meet in cranberry, and it was only a 1/2 hr drive, we got something down that was close to every other weekend. so i think we'll figure something out and we'll be back to an every other weekend. or every two. whatever but five weeks is toooo long. The advantage of it though is when i used to see him every other weekend it was only for a day. this time its the whole weekend =] even if hes racing, point is hes there. i understand completely when we dont talk while hes racing. thats his serious time. and i mean serious. we talk after racing's done lol. 

I guess we'll just have to see how everything works out. I actually feel a little bit better now than I did when I first started writing this, so maybe I got some sense knocked into me. Steven loves me, he'll figure out what to do. It's all up to him.

So I haven't updated in awhile.

Lets see..I got past school, that was pretty sweet. Finals were definitely a killer, but I survived them, and don't think I did tooo bad on any of them. Maybe C's. Math of course wasn't good, but it was NICE turning that book it. lemme tell you.Wednesday was the last day, and we got out at 1045. Sweeet. Afterwards me and kay went to lindsay's house and had a water fight, but it wasn't that warm so it sucked haha.

Then on Thursday Lindsay came over, and we went in the pool practically all day. When my dad came home, she left, but we picked her up and me nana pup and mom and dad went to church for a festival thing. it was fun i guess, we sat around and watched someone get thrown in the dunking tank. I saw Andrew E. and Tony, and Andrew wouldn't shut up about steven, and kept making fun of him. immature. yeah. me and lindsay won fish (elliot- mine- and cherry-hers- but they died over the weekend anyway. She came over here afterwards, and we took pics and stuff, and she left around 1030.

Friday my mom came home early, and we went up to camp. I went swimming right away with Rachel because it was so insanely hot. But I ended up saying hi to everyone, and then somehow me kelsey johnny and josh were hanging out. It rained for awhile, and Johnny and Josh were on the golf cart. Loserfaces. Me doni kelsey ended up hanging out with them, and Johnny and Josh wanted to go swimming, but me and doni had our clothes on. and went in anyway lol. i was going to go get changed cuz i figured id get in trouble, but i didnt feel like walking all the way up to camp. it was really cold getting out, and i did get in trouble, but oh well it was fun.

Saturday Nana and Pup came up, we had a party for nana's birthday. It was a pretty fun day i guess, i hung out at the pool and walked around with people...I met Talia's friend Kenny, he's a cool kid i guess. Ummm...Hitler tried to jump the fence by putt putt and didnt make it, and he ran up into the woods, but i guess he turned himself in...he fixed it and then me april him kelsey and doni hung out for awhile...umm...a lot of people ended up being up by the arcade (Doni, Ryan, Mike, April, Kelsey, John, Hitler, Kelsey, April, me, Nick,) and we were laying in the middle of the road until we had to leave.

Sunday...hung out w. Doni Ryan Kelsey and Mike. Supposedly me and mike made out. wtf? no. Kelsey and April went on a walk, and me and MIke figured Doni and Ryan would want to be alone, so we left them alone and went on to the top of the bike trail. April claims she saw us making out when she came across the bridge. First of all, Mike was riding his bike half the time, second, we were just talking. idk. but i guess shes mad at me. for something i didn't do. whatever. Um...Mike was ghost riding Deven's bike off the jump, and broke his bike haha. Then DJ ran away from camp again, and UM and AP called the police. DJ broke his ankle running down a hill coming back, and it was just weird lol. The police came and talked to DJ but Lance just took him back to camp. AP and UM took him to the hospital.

Monday me and Kay walked up to Sheetz and got a mtn. dew slushie, then went to taco bell and got cinnamon twists.=]

Tuesday walked to Wendy's

Wed. she came over

and today i'm supposed to be doing something with LIndsay but she babysits to 3.
SO idk.

Yesterday my parents and I went up to camp. There was no body there, and everything was really quiet. I didn't like it. We played a couple games, watched a movie, and I was falling asleep by 1030ish, so I went to bed.

Today Uncle Mike, Aunt Peggy, and Rachel came up. My mom Aunt Peggy rachel and me went and got pizza, and it was actualy pretty good. Uhm. Me and Rachel went on a walk, and Brianna and Hitler were there. So we hung out with them, it started to rain, and we went back. as we were going to leave, leah showed up, so i talked to her, and yeah. then we left.

I just got back from the movies with lindsay. we went to see wild hogs. it was pretty funny =]

Deven

Is alright! He texted me in eight period today and said he was going home.
That just made my day so much better

all the rumors were going around and there was some that said he was in a coma, and might have brain damage, and might loose his vision. It really scared me.

and then me and mike were talking bout it and he was like the last thing i said to him was "blah blah i dont remember" and i thought about it. The last thing I said to him was, "I hate you." kidding around of course, but what if something seriously bad had happened? I would have felt really really terrible.

Although I'm not religious, I question God and His part in this.
Last night when I went to bed, I actually prayed. And I tried to see what good could have possibly come from it. I've always heard that God makes things happen for a reason. To teach you something, and for you to learn from what He taught you.
I think I might actually know, too.

I realized all day and yesterday that I miss just seeing him, going to fourth, during 7th, him trying to shut my locker after 7th. All the little things that made my day better, were suddenly gone. And the last thing I said to deven was i hate you. Kidding or not, I think God may have been trying to teach me to appreciate my friends more. As for anyone else, they might have their own lessons to learn.

But Deven's okay and that's all that matters. I might go see him this weekend =]