I have finished 5 paragraphs of my book proposal for the publisher Jossey-Bass. Still a lot more to go!

On their website they give you a form with lots of questions about your book which you then send through the mail and wait on pins and needles to see if they liked it.

I am soooo nervous! What if they don't like it?

I picked this publisher because they did such a good job with Heretic's Guide to Eternity, which is a super-controversial book by Spencer Burke. That book gave me permission to start asking questions about the ethics of God sending people to heaven and hell. A quote from that book which was a huge deal to me was " God is to be questioned as much as he is to be obeyed." After I was granted permission to question God, I granted myself permission to not believe in God. The Heretic's Guide to Eternity set me free to start thinking for myself.

Over the years, books have enriched me, informed me, entertained me and altered the course of my life. I think an author has a great deal of responsibility for the lives of its readers. Do you agree or disagree?

I visited my boyfriend's church last week and the pastor dedicated a portion of his sermon to talking about hypocrisy. He likened a person who acts differently in church than out in the world to someone who takes off their wedding ring on occasions when they want to appear available. So apparently, acting one way in church and another way at school, or a work or at home is considered hypocrisy.

Ok, I guess I can deal with that definition, but I can't deal with condemning it. Why? Because hypocrisy is exactly what the church wants. The church sets people up to become hypocrites, and this is why I think it happens:

The church has a set protocol for how one must act in church and how they must represent themselves and their life. for example: it's usually unacceptable to use vulgar language in church, so when you are in church, if you want to be accepted and respected, you can't use what we in the south call "cuss words." There is also usually an unspoken code of dress and behavior that is expected. Act like everything is okay, don't admit to any real struggles, don't question anything.

What these expectations are doing is telling people they cannot be themselves, they can't be honest, they can't even ask for help if they need it. If the only option is to check your issues at the door then how the hell can you expect someone not to pick them up on the way out??

I heard once that "your system is perfectly designed to produce the results you are currently getting." If this pattern of behavior called 'hypocrisy" is a problem in the church, then maybe someone ought to ask themselves if that's exactly what it's set up to produce.

(picture from www.rivervalleychurch.org)

Our conversation this week was about Jesus. Elizabeth told me her favorite story about Jesus, which was the woman at the well, and she asked me what I thought of Jesus.

Having been raised in Sunday School (classes before the regular church service on Sunday), when I think of Jesus, one of my first thoughts is of the flannelgraph Jesus I became aquainted with as a child. Good memories. To illustrate lessons, our teacher had a board covered in pink flannel that she/he stuck pictures to. Usually there was no ground or sky- Just people and maybe some objects like bread and fish floating in a pink haze. We kids used to beg for the adhesive pictures after Sunday School was over! I remember making my own flannel board and playing "Sunday School" at home.

Elizabeth and I started talking about how there are so many views of Jesus. Jesus is my homeboy, Jesus is my co-pilot, my CEO, Jesus was gay, Jesus was straight, Jesus was a rebel, Jesus was a teacher, Jesus was God, Jesus was a prophet, Jesus didn't exist, Jesus was a Republican, Jesus was a Democrat, Jesus was black, white, arab, Jesus was just a regular person. Which leads me to ask...

 (www.bustedtees.com)

I think Jesus has become this literary figure that is as open to interpretation as cafeteria casserole. No one really knows what it is and your guess is as good as mine!

I don't claim to have the ultimate interpretation of who Jesus was, if Jesus was, or what Jesus would symbolize. I'm not really at that point in my life. I think it's interesting to listen to the ideas of others though.

So what do you think? Did Jesus even exist? If so, what do you make of him?