AnaStarvesMe's Xanga

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 21:43:05 GMT

I have a new xanga...

www.xanga.com/mylipswonttalk

ADDME AND COmMENT

Monday, October 17, 2005

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 22:30:12 GMT

Todays been pretty good. I havent eaten that much but i ate a little bit after cheerleading and such..i got high today on some cough syrup since i havent ina while. It felt pretty good. I was going to take a nap after school and my club meeting but i didnt have time and it really really sucked. lol.

total intake

fruit snacks- 100 cals

sandwhich- 300 cals

juice- 50 cals

jello- 10 cals

total intake- 460 cals

cheerleading- (- 340 cals)

total- 120 cals

So i havent done bad at all today. I have a competition on the 29th and my weekend is full on halloweeen weekend its pretty cool. Im excited so yeah. lol.

Stay strong girls, i love you all.

})i({Whitneyyy

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 14:54:46 GMT

Well, i had to work all week and my keyboard stopped working because my dad messed it up so we had a buy a new one. Ive been doing pretty good at not gaining anything and i lost a few pounds. Im fasting today..I also have cheer in about 2 hours and im done making my halloween costume. Im excited. lol.

cw: 124

I havent eaten anything yet. I may have some sugar free jello (10 cals), and ill drink alot of raspberry water. Im going to walmart soon today with my mom. Probably before cheer but im not really sure what for.

And Poser was suppose to come over around 11:00 this morning. But he never did. He wont even answer my fucking phone calls and i swear to God ive tried to call his cell phone at least 20 times this morning. But i know its got to be more than that now beca use i havent stopped calling it since 1:00. Im not sure whats up, and that gives me a low appetite.

Well, comments are always nice. I havent been getting many. I love you guys...stay strong.

})i({Whitneyyy

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 22:53:18 GMT

Today=fucking shoot me.

The keyboards been fucked up. And lifes been shot to hell. who cares about my eating intake, im always going to be a fat lard ass. I went to the movies to see In Her Shoes but left to see poser and ended up going home and just leaving my friends there without them knowing i left. Im not sure i even care..Which is the funny thing really.

Then when i get in the car my mom stats bitching at me about how im always taking advantage of her and my dad. Which i have no doubt that i am. Ive always been the fucking horrible kid, the kid who does everything wrong and that they raised the wrong way. Obviously they did. Look atme, im scared to gain one lb. I dont eat enough. My mom is always bitching at me for it. Id rather cut up this goddamn skin than to live in it one more day and cry.

I just want to unzip myself, like im a costume. Then the real, the beautiful, the talented and loved, the most perfect daughter in the world..will step from the seems and the veins and reveal herself.

But that wont happen anytime soon. Im so depressed about everything i dont even want to get out of bed in the mornings. I dont want to go to work and school. I dont want to eat or even drink water for that matter. I ate spaghetti today because i didnt feel like hearing my mom bitch at me about my weight loss, about not eating regular like a fucking normal human being.

Im not normal.

I want to cry and kick and scream and break everything fucking thing i can get this fat fucking chubby fingers on. I want to kill people and get caught have sex with my boyfriend, i went to be so goddamn thin that even ants cant hear me fucking approaching in the silence of the day. I dont want to be noticed. I want to be alone with no eyes pondering me all the fucking time..God was suppose to fix it. Where is my God now?

OTHER NEWS

125lbs and gaining..actually. We're putting a stop to this gaining thing right now. Fuck the fat old Whitney. In comes the thin, new beautiful whitney that no one can keep their eyes off of. More compliments and a smaller size jeans. a 6 wont cut it fat ass. a 2 must move in quick and steady. Pass out. do what it takes you filthy bitch. I dont care what you have to do, but at work. when you see those doughnuts and greasy potatoe chips and chocolate. Reach for the coffee or the gum. Or the water better yet. And go on with life, like food is poison that will bring you down in every way possible.

>>>>Ill have thinspo tomorrow. number of comments=pictures of thinspo. Which wont be many trust me.

Love you all, stay strong.

})i({Whitneyyy

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 16:51:26 GMT

Well, todays gotten off to agood start i do believe. One of my friends spent the night last night and we went to the movies and the mall and stuff. Poser had a camp out but i didnt go..and some chick keeps leaving him messages and shit on his myspace and flirting with him. It makes me so fucking mad i could beat the fuck out of the fat bitch..anyhow..

total intake

raspberry water- 0 cals

sugar free jello- 10 cals

Im really proud for the moment. Haha. I hope i can make some plans for tonight so i dont have to be all bored. Poser has to work at the damn skate shop. It sucks really bad. Im doing a liquid fast for as long as i can. Which is suppose to last at least until friday morning when iwake up..well see how that shit goes.

Stay strong girls. I love you.

})i({Whitneyyy

EDIT

After i got off of the internet i went straight to the bed. I was trying to sleep but my parents kept coming in there. My mom made this soup that looking like gross poop or something i swear..and she kept trying to get me to eat that gross crap. Instead i fixed some tomatoe soup. Then i went to the mall to see Poser for a little while, while my parents went to do something for my grandmother. teehee.

total intake

jello- 10 cals

tomatoe soup- 90 cals

total- about 100 cals

Comments please. I havent really gotten any in awhile, which sucks.

})i({

Monday, October 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 13:56:41 GMT

So, i know i havent posted in acouple days. Sorry about that. Ive been pretty bland. I ate normal for the weekend because my moms pretty much on my bad and everything so i figured that i would do her a favor..I won btw. I havent weighed myself all weekend. After the liquid fast ends ill weigh myself..im scared too right now..jesus i bet im a fucking lard assssssss.

Today im eating normal too. But tomorrow im starting a 3 day liquid fast. Anyone care to join me? Im doing it. No matter how hungry i get i know i can distract myself. Its fall break and there are so many freaking things to do. But im hyper as crap and i dont have cheer this week. It sucks..

intake today

rice- 200 cals

thats it, thats all ive had. But thats probably all ill have hopefully. I was suppose to work today but iwas like fuck it. And i didnt tget out of bed. Its my familys bussiness so i dont really give a shit. lol

Stay strong girls.

})i({Whitneyyy

liquid fast if you want to join me..

tomorrow through thursday...rules

1. one ciggerette a day (if you smoke orwhatever) and only when you get oo hungry to bare it.

2. no liquid over 100 calories

3. 500 cals max a day..

4. if you want you can start right away. Im starting from right now until Friday morning when i wake up.

THATS ALL teeehee...

Friday, October 07, 2005

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 17:32:32 GMT

I can feel winter slipping up. My whole body is cold and i can feel the chills seeping in through the cracks in the house. My nose is freezing and im burning more calories. Thank Jesus for the season..

I dont have much to say actually, im feeling really blande today but excited for Alex's birthday party tonight. I love her so much. I baked her a cake and got her a really awesome present that she liked..Im eating cake tonight because i deserve a reward.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 125. I stepped off and i saw that it was off scale. So i fixed it and stepped back on. cw: 122 lbs. I was so fucking stoked omg. I cant believe it. YAY! So ive decided not to FAST this weekend because i deserve a little some. Liquid fast tomorrow, i think it seems pretty easy and liquids fill you up!!

total intake

2 oreos- 140 cals

milk- 170 cals

bread- 140 cals

total- 450 cals total..

Plus the cake im going to eat but thats not too bad for what ive been doing and plus i did ever binge at all. YAY. But tomorrows going to be super cool and this is my fall break week and i have a lot planned and everything. exitementttttt

My beautiful boyfriend, Poser.

I love you all very very much. stay strong

})i({Whitneyyy

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:18:23 GMT

Today was okay. I woke up and i weighed 124 so i havent lost anything. My moms trying to lose 5 lbs quick so we're making it a race type thing. I ate today and im going to start tomorrow. We decided the race would start tomorrow and we would both eat a little something to day to jump start us. Im so excited omg. My mom has never EVER provoked anything like that. I love it. I know after shell start bitching at me again but yeah, im happy right now. lmao

total intake

brown rice- 155 cals

pretzles- 50 cals

cake batter- 200 cals

2 oreos- 140 cals

total- 545 cals

Cheerleading- (-305)

total intake- 240 cals (YAY)

Yeah my mom baked a cake. Its one of my really good friends birthday tomorrow and he mom isnt doing shit for her. so i bought her some cake and baked it and stuff..i got her a death cab for cutie cd and all the jazz. Pretty cool of me huh? lol im stupid. Im fasting tomorrow for as long as i can (which will be able a day =() longer i hope than that though.) lol. im stupid.

Well..ill update later..comments girls.

I love you all, and stay strong.

})i({whitneyyy

EDIT

I am so stressed. This is the end of the midterm so there are a lot of tests and final grades and stuff like that. My lowest grade is a 70% in chemistry and i am trying to hard to keep it up and make it better. Im not doing very good at all in my gymnastics, i feel like its going no where at fucking all. I left my favorite bracelet- one that poser gave to me- at cheerleading and someone much have stolen it. Its not there anymore. And my dad got mad at me and started treating me like shit.

On top of that..im fat as a fucking lard bitch.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 17:46:51 GMT

So, todays been okay. I felt horrible this morning and was so tired i was falling asleep during all my classes and stuff like that. My chest hurts, my throat is killing me, i had a cramp from ending my period THANK THE LORD, and a killer headache. I feel a little bit better now..the cramp and headache is gone. My stomaches got a throwup feeling though.

When my dad picked me up we went to burger king because he said its probably from me not eating very regularly..so i decided i would eat a little something and you know theres NOTHING here because my moms ana and my dad has to watch his colesteral. Or whatever.

total intake

med fries- 360 cals

4chicken fries- 170 cals

Coke- 145 cals

total cals- 675

+sleep= 500 cals total

So, i dont think i did THAT bad but yeah. Starting tomorrow..or right now. Whatever you wanna say. Im going to fast for three days. I heard that if you fast for 3 days after that 3rd day you lose all interest in food. So im going to try it out and see how it goes. Anyone want to do it with me? Im not going to fail this time..i swear it.

I only got two comments =( That sucks balls

I love you all very very much. Stay strong everyone.

})i({Whitneyy

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 21:25:21 GMT

Today went okay. I didnt eat that much but i ate fatty foods..REALLY fatty food. lol..

todays intake

french fries: 600 cals

rice- 200 cals

spaghetti- 300 cals

bread- 200 cals

total- 1300 calories.

Its okay. One day of eating like normal person never hurt anyone in the world. At least i didnt binge or anything like that. And im fasting tomorrow for sure since i didnt taday. Its a lot easier to fast every other day. I think im going to start taking rice for lunch or something. I dont know..or ill eat it as soon as i get home. Then the next day ill fast. Something like that. =)

My tummys getting smaller. And Poser told me im so much lighter because he gave me a piggy back ride today. My mom also was like "whitney you're eating, you never it." It made me laugh pretty hard.

Stay strong everyone..i love you all