nothing...

I dunno whats up with me right now... Something is not right with anymore.... maybe im just held back from all the things that i want to say to this one person. but i know i can't..... im losing myself again....  now i just dunno what to do... my girlfriend still loves her ex.... and that i have no choice but just be a second person or right hand person who is just left loved of half of her love to me...... apart me tells me that i love her, but when it comes down to hers and mine ex.... i end feeling like i should step back and just let her ex comes and goes when ever she needs to do or say to her..... but i'm guessing im wrong..... i'm guessing that i made the wrong desicion..... i'm guessing that I am the one whos making mine and my gf ex.. pushing me away from my gf....... but now I just dunno wat to do anymore..... right now...... i just how to make her happy from here..... or make her smile..... I just dont see myself anymore from what im doing right.... or... wrong...... *sigh* I just wish every thing could stop.... I wish that, I wasn't the person to interupt their relationship...... I've shouldn't have said that I had a crush on you..... but then again I know its right because i have been making her smile and happy..... but then..... I just cant take it from how her ex kept on saying things she wants to say.... i never done that.... i know it hurts.... but.... *sigh* just never mind..... well anyways im goin to stop... bye

mood:indescribeable

What i'm talking about: My gf ex and the same with mine....

....

today i found out why i feel like crap, it was a warning... just like everytime when i don't know whats wrong with me... right now i felt like i want to get a gun and shoot through my head... or just get my pocket knife and just make scars on my arms or legs till i bleed to death on the floor... but at the same i dont want to hurt the one i have, the one i made to be happy, the one i will always cherish or never to let her fall away from me. even though things comes with some bad times and the times that i cant even try to make her happy, just like today... i would try to forget quick and recover with a smile on my face.  but i did made her laugh for awhile... and until for like 3 hours and some minutes, ive made shanika laugh and smiled alot. just cause of what ive said that made her happy again... since everything is okay now, i just hope it wont come back and if it did.. then i hope it wont turn worst.

though today ive cried and same goes with shanika.. I really wanted to get out of my house and go over to her place just comfort her. but then again i was thinking that i shouldnt, because of how her parents will think about it and tell me to get out or something... but i now, i would quickly to forget and move on. even though it will be remember sooner or later. though from my previous relationship was something that I wont do again, never ever again. I've changed because i got a purpose and reason to, even that some people hates that i've changed...

ack its 12:55am and my mind is goin off somewhere, thinking about it even though im like trying to let it go and loose my mind off of it. i have no idea why its bothering me but its buggin me.. and that i dunno why!!!.... *sigh* but yeah anyways. im done... im just stop from here.. well then night and good bye.

my day yesterday...

alrighty... yesterday wasnt good at all.. the ppl i dont hangout wid for along time. this person told his gang a lie. and i am not in one. but tho when they gave me choices... i couldnt choose cauz they keep on sending me messages sayin this and that.. so until they sent me a list of only my jrotc friends, my ex, and the durnky friends that i dont know(but they are the drunky friends own friends...). and they dont have any friends that are close to my street... so pretty much i told them to come like grab me from my house...

but they did grab me to get out of my house... and the whole day ive been writtin a letter... so like around 7 or 8 i messaged michele.. so yeah... like about around 10 i came home from running bleedin, got poison, and stiching myself bak up.... wen to the hospital.. i thnk i cam bak home like around 10 in the morning..

anyways ima stop from here... but tho i have to find the rest of the gang and just stop and talk to them just to not to do anything at all.. so yeah i dunno should i stay home and do nothing? or go out there and still risk my life to save them.

well bye...

ellegarden- salamander lyrics

there ain't no fear
there ain't no hope
there ain't no right
there ain't no wrong
just make it loud
just make it loud
just make it loud
and feel no touch

there ain't no past
there ain't no fate
there ain't no thoughts
there ain't no rules
spoken words
broken hearts
instant dreams

just let it slide, wasting time
just keep it going and going
just let it slide, wasting life
just keep it rolling and rolling
just make it loud in your room
just make it loud, no one cares
just let it slide

there ain't no pain
there ain't no help
there ain't no doubt
there ain't no name
just make it fun
just make it fun
just make it fun
carry on

there ain't no hate
there ain't no grace
there ain't no harm
there ain't no truth
empty bowls
springer falls
lost and found

just let it slide, wasting time
just keep it going and going
just let it slide, wasting life
just keep it rolling and rolling
just make it loud in your room
just make it loud, no one cares
just let it slide

now i hear it snows
this year is getting colder
how i feel inside
losing my concentration
now i need more time, somehow i'll make through
i just need more time

just let it slide, wasting time
just keep it going and going
just let it slide, wasting life
just keep it rolling and rolling
just make it loud in your room
just make it loud, no one cares
just let it slide, yeah

taken by my wonderful gf

I am happy and always be. i never thought that iLL be this much happier wen i see her. but tho she is the only one that makes me smile everyday... anyways i gotta go and do some chores i wouldve type more but my mom is like shoutin so yeah um laterz.

3.20.07 LUV U MICHELE