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| hello, world. i'm 26 now.yes! that's me petting a horse! and i RODE one too, which was a few times more fun than petting one. ben took me on a horseback riding adventure on my birthday and it was quite the dream. boyfriends, if your ladies can handle a little outdoorsy fun, take 'em horseback riding. it will be fabulous if it is 1/2 as much fun as i had. :) hurray for love and for life. everyday an adventure.
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| watch out now. i bite.
ok - forget the terrible twos. call it the terrible twenties.
you not only learn to say "no" with gusto,
but you come to a realization in the wee hour of the night
that these "yes"es and "no"s can have pretty apparent and significant
consequences in your life - a daunting thought for even the most
adventurous person at times. coupled with this sense of responsibility is the
knowledge now that you basically got yourself into most of your crap
... or not. and if not, life becomes increasing bitter and "fair enough"
becomes harder and harder to say. it's as if in the moment when you
finally start to grasp the concept that in a sense you are the
"maker of your own destiny" (and really, at moments you kind of get
empowered by that), you see that there are some really horribly
biting people out there that sort of ruin it for you. they bite you,
they bite me or their lives just... bite.
like that idiot who attempted to compliment my asian friend
by saying that her "eyes [reminded him] of wantons." what the hell was he thinking?
okay. don't feel bad that just now you sort of chuckled. i remember
when i first heard that i laughed hysterically but mostly in disbelief.
was this guy for real? do we really have people like that in the corporate world
making decisions about where we should allocate our money and resources?
what he should have done in that 1/4 of a second of considering whether or not
he oughta say that comment was just say "no" to self. his "yes" definitely
did not serve him.
or that person who calls you only when they need something.
come on now. why are they surprised when they discover that
their friends no longer consider them their friends. do they not get it
that their manipulation betrays them? okay, eh hem, let me just tell you.
they don't want to be your friend anymore. don't call them.
gah - i didn't mean that.
or that person who blogs about negative stuff (pointing to self).
doesn't she get it that negativity can get exhausting and that you can
actually begin to lose your "voice" in things?
exhausted. i've exhausted my own restlessness. i give up being a bitch!
eh, i don't really mean that either. let me just say that i'm officially
announcing my need for a solution, a different mindset.
i want to love deeply and share freely. i want to sacrifice.
i want to be loved deeply and to be set free. i want to win.
but mostly now, i want to go on a hike.
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| there was a time when i would have really despised these ppl -
ppl that used maid service. wow. i was such a hater. now i despise
a totally different set of ppl - ppl who chomp on their food.
i don't know. maybe, i'll write another xanga 3 years from now and
confess that i chomp on my food.
well, today, our house had cleaning ppl come on over and clean
our entire house. i am amazed. either we were reallly dirty
or these ppl are good. applausa! they totally cleaned my mirrors:
my pet peeve being dirty windows and mirrors with finger prints on them.
i basically spent the latter half of my day at work writing the reason
why i wanted to vacation here: +++++++. undisclosed.
because i am a very secretive person. but no, i'm a very
open person.
yeah - it was okay that i spent two hours writing my proposal for
a vacation here: +++++++. i will set aside this much ++.++ money each month
and after three years, my company will match the dollar amount i set aside.
i'm gonna be rich! well - i will be if i take a really good picture there
and force my company to use it on the next ad... three years from now.
omg. i just got a reallly good idea. but i'm not going to share because
i'm a really private person, but every so often i will get wild. sometimes,
i can push myself to get there if i try to stop myself from fidgeting. i
usually never cross that threshold of completely unleashing my wildness
but revert to furiously shaking my leg until i'm completely satisfied with just
twirling my pen.
yes, so, today we had maid service. :)
happy belated, jill!
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| double take
i'll take a glass of mystery, miss.
its deep red, the aroma and the warmth in this cold
will remedy my questions and doubt.
i'll take that glass, miss
and only with that will i, can i, accept my
questions. and kiss
me, miss, will i think that even my doubt is good?
and soon enough, my questioning, my talking
will be because it was - there was mystery -
running, washing through me.
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