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| New Xanga.
www.xanga.com/skrying_rorschach
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| Went to the show at The Red Devil tonight with Ash and Chastity, Jessie
soon showing up. Nothing like a little Death Metal to liven up your
day, especially whilst in a bar while being underage.
Hoorah for me.
Wish some other people would have shown up.
Oh well.
Everything I've become now is everything I didn't want to be.
I feel like venting on someone's face, or crotch. One of the two.
And we hide behind
Lies, anger, hate-
They shoo love away.
Build shells of ourselves outside,
Keep us safe from the cold reigns of reality.
Come on,
Step out
Of your rind,
Assemble strength.
Focus,
And release,
And run to me, you can never look back
To the visions of the past, they fade and wilt in time.
You just got to trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away.
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
Bleed you, and strip you of your state of Ain Soph Aur.
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
I spit up on my plate, push everything away from me.
And we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends;
I become the sacrifice;
Run away, and leave me to my misery.
Get off the cross,
And save yourself!
Run away you'll be okay!
Run now,
Get away from me
If I can get my grip
I'll pull you down
Into the Hell I call my head,
You'll never get away.
I sit down in my ugly place
And build walls out of
Fragments of my past
Of all the people
That I loved and needed
That walked away.
You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away.
I walk under clouds of grey,
A sphere of storms in my head.
I'm trapped again in endless rain.
I divorce the thoughts of you in love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt.
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fucking thing.
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony.
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the passtime of jealousy.
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce inequity.
I'll always be your shadow,
And shield your eyes from states of Ain Soph Aur.
I can't be the hero anymore I spit up on my plate,
And then I turn and walk away.
I spit up on my plate,
And I disrupt the family.
I spit up on my plate,
As I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face,
Seperate,
Seperate,
Seperate!
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
Bleed you, strip you of your state of Ain Soph Aur.
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
It's always been this way, I push everything away from me.
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| Well.
I had a sort of epiphany today, if you will, talking to people I've
gone to elementary school with, grown up with, played in the playground
with, traded pokemon cards with: we're growing up. It seems like we're
just parading around in our pseudo-grown up costumes, pretending our
best to be adults, but failing so miserably in the points that actually
matter. Little kids playing dress-up. Smoking cigarettes to look older,
drinking booze to be cool, selling pot to be bad-ass.
Then it hits you.
You are grown up.
There's no going back.
Shouldn't have pretended to be what you inevitably will be, and instead luxuriated in what you are.
Too late for me.
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| Skipped school today after 2nd period, and got ditched by Aly. Thanks!
Went to go hang out with Caleb, Britney and Harlon instead...that
wasn't so great, just sat around doing nothing. So here I am, looking
for something to do, waiting for my twenty sack.
Beh.
Call me up, 2410522.
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| Dort am Klavier,
Lauchte ich ihr;
Und wenn ihr Spiel begann,
Hielt ich den Atem an.
Dort am Klavier,
Lauchte sie mir;
Und wenn mein Spiel begann,
Hielt sie den Atem an.
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