ApatheticSympathy's Xanga

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 16:44:31 GMT

New Xanga.

www.xanga.com/skrying_rorschach

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 06:12:44 GMT

Went to the show at The Red Devil tonight with Ash and Chastity, Jessie soon showing up. Nothing like a little Death Metal to liven up your day, especially whilst in a bar while being underage.

Hoorah for me.

Wish some other people would have shown up.

Oh well.

Everything I've become now is everything I didn't want to be.

I feel like venting on someone's face, or crotch. One of the two.

And we hide behind
Lies, anger, hate-
They shoo love away.
Build shells of ourselves outside,
Keep us safe from the cold reigns of reality.

Come on,
Step out
Of your rind,
Assemble strength.
Focus,
And release,

And run to me, you can never look back
To the visions of the past, they fade and wilt in time.
You just got to trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away.

Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
Bleed you, and strip you of your state of Ain Soph Aur.
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
I spit up on my plate, push everything away from me.

And we sever all ties,
It creates disruption midst circle of friends;
I become the sacrifice;
Run away, and leave me to my misery.

Get off the cross,
And save yourself!
Run away you'll be okay!

Run now,
Get away from me
If I can get my grip
I'll pull you down
Into the Hell I call my head,
You'll never get away.
I sit down in my ugly place
And build walls out of
Fragments of my past
Of all the people
That I loved and needed
That walked away.

You've got to just trust me to hold your hand through,
Then I turn and walk away.

I walk under clouds of grey,
A sphere of storms in my head.
I'm trapped again in endless rain.

I divorce the thoughts of you in love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt.
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fucking thing.
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony.
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the passtime of jealousy.
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce inequity.

I'll always be your shadow,
And shield your eyes from states of Ain Soph Aur.
I can't be the hero anymore I spit up on my plate,
And then I turn and walk away.
I spit up on my plate,
And I disrupt the family.
I spit up on my plate,
As I sever the entity,
And I feel your warm sun on my face,
Seperate,
Seperate,
Seperate!

Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
Bleed you, strip you of your state of Ain Soph Aur.
Eclipse you,
[I will push you away]
It's always been this way, I push everything away from me.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 03:15:32 GMT

Well.

I had a sort of epiphany today, if you will, talking to people I've gone to elementary school with, grown up with, played in the playground with, traded pokemon cards with: we're growing up. It seems like we're just parading around in our pseudo-grown up costumes, pretending our best to be adults, but failing so miserably in the points that actually matter. Little kids playing dress-up. Smoking cigarettes to look older, drinking booze to be cool, selling pot to be bad-ass.

Then it hits you.

You are grown up.

There's no going back.

Shouldn't have pretended to be what you inevitably will be, and instead luxuriated in what you are.

Too late for me.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 20:14:23 GMT

Skipped school today after 2nd period, and got ditched by Aly. Thanks!

Went to go hang out with Caleb, Britney and Harlon instead...that wasn't so great, just sat around doing nothing. So here I am, looking for something to do, waiting for my twenty sack.

Beh.

Call me up, 2410522.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 01:06:38 GMT

Dort am Klavier,
Lauchte ich ihr;
Und wenn ihr Spiel begann,
Hielt ich den Atem an.
Dort am Klavier,
Lauchte sie mir;
Und wenn mein Spiel begann,
Hielt sie den Atem an.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 00:31:15 GMT

Ever lack the courage to do something that you know you want to do? Sure, I've got plenty of courage, when it doesn't involve those of the oppsosite sex, especially when you hardly know them, and vice versa. Some of you know what I'm talking about, most of you don't, and that's because I've grown a rather large distrust of those around me. Maybe I'm bitter, maybe I'm disconnected, maybe I just hate you.

Either way, don't take it personally. If I hated you, you'd know. If you're unsure, it either doesn't concern you, or I haven't talked to you yet.

I hope I don't seem like an ass doing it. Most of the time I don't care what I come across as; however, this is a little bit different.

Eh.

Damn me, and my angsty teenaged ways.

Damn me to Hell.

"She's lost her color where it's beautiful, intoxicated from the deep sleep, deep sleep. Do you wonder what it's like, living in a permanent imagination? Sleeping to escape reality..but you like it like that.

I'm guilty by design."

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 20:05:18 GMT

I would like to dispel some myths going around about me. One, I was not involved in a gang-bang with Aly, Pat and Lance. Two, I am not dealing drugs again. Three, Aly did not have sex with a dog.

These rumors are coming from Joe Mitchell and his immature friends; they're all a little upset because we wouldn't give them booze at a party they weren't invited to. Looks like someone has a little growing up to do, no?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 05:38:53 GMT

It is the last day of summer, technically speaking. I will remember this summer for many things: friends I'll never see again, newfound friends, rediscovered friends; midnight at the waffle house, 5 AM at the diner, 7 in the evening in the rain; drinking guiness, smoking blacks, eating nuggets; watching movies, listening to music, feeling it all; spinning beneath the stars, dancing in the rain, walking in the sun; the waves at my feet, sea gulls above my head, and sand everywhere I don't want it to be; smoking in the bathroom, in the cars, in my living room; finding God, sobering up, and realizing it was all a dream.

This is my last year of public schooling. My last year living under the same roof as my family. My last year of real childhood. I've done many things that few else have, and yet there is much left I want to do.

Will I remember my youth in the years to come with the clarity that I do now? Will I be in such a better place that I won't want to, or will I be in such a place that all I have to cling to is my memory?

Will I find you, or will you find me?

Will the path reveal itself, or stay lost in the underbrush?

--Alex Price, A.K.A. Gnome, A.K.A. The Stationary Vagabond, A.K.A. Nikita Kruschev III.

"I watch the heavens, but I find no calling,
Something I can do to change what's coming.
Stay close to me while the sky is falling,
Don't want to be left alone, don't want to be alone."

Monday, August 22, 2005

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 02:34:37 GMT

Here I am again, yours truly, to narrate once again the humdrum life of me, Joe Average, Stan S. Quo, Mr. Median. I don't even know why I bother to post on here; every day is the same: wake up, go to my shitty job, make french fries for snot nosed kids and their slack jawed parents, take shit all day from people that I know aren't even half as intelligent as the piece of dog shit I scraped off my boot on the way there, go home to my drunk parents, and come on-line. Day in, day out. So it shall be until I become the slack-jawed parent, the alchaholic piece of shit that festers on the sofa in front of the TV watching UFC calling out fake bets to my sloppy nasty wife, yelling at my stupid shit kids for thinking they're worth a damn.

Unless.

Unless I realize that I actually have the ability to steer away from such a path, to avoid becoming Joe Sixpack and instead be Alex Price, the person I want to be.

So many of my peers spend their time wallowing around in their own miserable self-pity that they don't realize that they have nothing wrong in their lives. They spend so long a time wallowing that they don't notice when something does actually go wrong, and they wind up on the spiral twist to everything they never wanted to be.

I don't want to be like that, but goddamn, wallowing feels so good sometimes. Sometimes, I don't have the balls to just buck up, say fuck it, and deal with my shit.

Call me a pussy, I don't care.

Anyway.

Enough catharsis for now.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 23:47:33 GMT

So, here I am once again. I have been requested by Bizzle to bring up Nate and Brian's demo cd thing or whatever.

Buy it.

It's only a dollar.

Quit being cheap, you dirty fucks.

Even though they stole a stolen beat, it's not half bad. I don't even like that kind of music anymore.

Anyway, enough plugging for me.

Apparently, the only reason they requested that I do it is because 'everyone reads my xanga'. I don't know about that, but hey.

That's all I've got to say.

Oh, and I am the come back king...to quote ATHF: "YOU ARE THE INSULT MASTER!!!!"