EVERYBODY'S CHANGING

VIRTUAL INSANITY

AND THEN YOU CALL ME AND IT'S NOT SO BAD

One of those things is strawberries and Nutella.  Another is speeding up Millbrae Avenue because there are no stop signs.  Still another is sitting at the dinner table in the middle of the night, alone, eating a chocolate muffin and drinking a cold glass of milk and reading the latest issue Newsweek.

But one thing that's really got me smiling is talking on the phone with him, not just because I'm attracted to him, but because he's there to listen and give support.  And of course, I do the same when he has crappy days.  I miss having that kind of connection with somebody. 

At this point, I wouldn't be sad if nothing really came out of this thing between me and him.  Because even now, what I have is nice.

I WANT TO BE FOREVER YOUNG

Here we are, nearing the end of our senior year.  We’ve all completed our last AP tests, we’ve all made our college decisions, we’re all sitting on the edges of our seats waiting to spring out of high school and into college.  

High school is such a chore now.  I find myself going through each day at school knowing that by the 3 o’clock bell, I’m one day closer to college.  No more construction, no more stupid tardy policy, no more outdoor lockers that magically move throughout the school year from one side of campus to the other.  Never again will I have to deal with stupid high school drama, smelly locker rooms, or the SATs.  Mills High School, Class of 2006?  No.  Columbia University, Class of 2010.  

I’m very confident about my future: I’ve paid my $500 deposit for Columbia, I’ve gotten in touch with future classmates, and I’m researching pre-orientation programs because I just can’t wait.  Next fall I’ll be attending one of the most prestigious universities in the world, in the greatest city in the world.  I’m ready to go and I’m not looking back.  

I look around me and I see the faces of my peers, some of whom I’ve known since freshman year.  In their eyes, I find comfort and security.  These are the people I’ve grown up with.  These are the people I’ll be leaving.  

I walk out of the doors to the senior parking lot and see everything I’ve grown accustomed to.  The gentle Californian sun beats down on my dirty black truck, eroding away at the colors on the stickers and heating up the seat so it becomes unbearably hot.  I drive around with the windows down — right hand on the stick, left foot on the clutch — and feel the clean suburban breeze rush in.  At night, I can look up at the sky and actually see stars.  This is where I am now, in a state of contentment.   Leaving all this won’t be easy.  

Perhaps it’s some sort of defense mechanism.  I don’t know exactly what; ask Mr Jackson afterwards and he may be able to tell you what’s going on.  But all this complaining about high school, all this eagerness to leave for New York, all this Columbia apparel ... that’s me hiding the fact that I’m afraid.   I am afraid of what’s to come.  

It’s true that I’m moving across the country.  But what if New York is too much for me and I long for suburban life as soon as I’m there?

And it’s true that I got into Columbia.  But what if the curriculum is too demanding and I can’t handle it?  

And yes, it’s true that I got into the engineering school.  But what if engineering isn’t really what I want to do for the rest of my life?

I thought I had it all figured out.  I wish I did.  I try my hardest to make it look like I do.  But in truth, I’m only pretending that I know what I’m doing.  Sometimes I even manage to fool myself into thinking I have it all planned out, but in the back of my mind I know that when all is said and done, I am lost.  

In retrospect, I’ve spent a lot of my high school life in anticipation of adulthood.  I’ve joined lots of clubs and clocked in community service hours and taken challenging classes, all to get into a good college, and I got into a good college to prepare me for my career and the road ahead.  But now that I’m standing with my toes over the edge, with high school behind me and the enormity of adulthood in front of me, I find myself slowly creeping backwards and longing for childhood again.   

The transition to college and adulthood is frightening.  I don’t want to grow up, but it’s like I’m being forced to anyway.  I feel like I’m losing my grip on what little innocence I have left, even though I’m holding on for dear life.  So please, let’s all be young again.  This is our last chance.  

TAKE ME BACK TO MANHATTAN

So yay, pictures!  I warn you, this was taken with my crappy camera.  Don't expect anything especially artistic.  These are also not in order because when I loaded the pictures to the camera, some crazy shit happened.  Deal with it.  

This is the sign at the subway stop right outside the gates of Columbia.  I imagine I'll be seeing this a lot next year.  

If you look closely, you can see the statue of The Thinker in the background.  

Ulysses S. Grant's Tomb is located a few blocks away from campus.  My tour guide was so gung-ho about this guy.  Gosh I wish I had a hero.  

Look familiar?  It's the restaurant from Seinfeld, only the inside is totally different.  

Here's a view of Harlem from Morningside Heights.  It's really not as bad as people make it out to be.  I'd rather be in Harlem than boring-ass Hanover, New Hampshire.  Hahaha.

This is Uris Hall, I think?  I'm not really sure what it is.  Business school, perhaps.  

Well the point is ... that's probably the ugliest sculpture I've ever seen, haha.  Anyone have any idea what it is?  

Here's the front of the Cathedtral of St. John the Divine, the largest Gothic cathedral in the world.  IN THE WORLD

Next year, I want to take a naked picture next to my buddy Pan here, with the same pose.  

This is a view of the Teacher's College at Columbia University.  HINT HINT CIARA GO HERE FOR GRAD SCHOOL

Columbia Engineering, REPRESENT.  

OH MY GOD, this picture does Koronet's Pizza no justice.  These slices are seriously huge, but it doesn't even look like it in the picture because my hand was closer to the camera than the pizza was.  AND I LOOK GREEN, WTF?  Stupid camera.

This was taken on the top level during the New York City Bus Tour.  Yes, I'm that much of a tourist.  I was really on that big red double-decker bus.  Woooo Times Square!

The Empire State building looks cool at night.

Pretty self-explanatory.  

And this begins my journey through the tunnels!!  Alright, so my student host and his friends decided to take a group of prospective students down to the famous tunnels of Columbia.  We started out by going down the stairs near the Dodge Physical Fitness Center.  We took lots of little secret doors and ended up in these steam tunnels, some of which were nice and cool and others which were burning hot.  I found the sign above to be amusing, so I took a picture of it.  Also note that during this time, my camera's flash decided to be a douche and stop working, so I was only able to take pictures where the area was lit.  

You can't really see much in this picture, but I'm sure you get an idea just how sketchy and illegal it was being down in the tunnels.  

Throughout the tunnels, we found the names of certain frequent tunnelers on the walls and pipes.  You can't see it in this picture, but I'm going to talk about them anyway.  One such name was "Benoit" accompanied with the email address undercolumbia@yahoo.com.  Another was a picture of a rat, called the "Tunnel Rat."  For example, there was a door that wouldn't open, and on the door was drawn the Tunnel Rat with a little speech balloon saying "Stupid door won't open" or something to that effect.  Seriously, dude, this shit is like a secret society.  

Just as an example of how nerdy Columbia kids are, this was written on one of the walls.  "Ferrous Wheel," for those of you who can't see it.  

I like the eerie atmosphere this picture gives off.  

Did you know?

• The Manhattan Project originated in Columbia. 
• The cyclotron used in the Manhattan Project has been stored in the first floor of Pupin hall since the end of the project. 
• The first floor of Pupin is now inaccessible. 

So my student host heard one of his friends talking about how to break into the first floor since the doors leading to it were locked.  We all went into the bathroom and someone climbed up onto a toilet stall, over the ventilation thingy, and into the room across.  After we all freaked out that he wouldn't be able to get back out, he went around and opened the door for us.  Once we got into the first floor, we saw that everything was stale and untouched.  Tt was like discovering an ancient tomb.  We looked into all these rooms but didn't find anything interesting.  There was one door that was curiously bolted shut, so one of our hosts pulled out a knife and unscrewed it open.  Inside was a pitch-black room filled with machines and such.  No one brought a flashlight, so we explored with the help of continuous camera flashes.  Finally, we found it: the cyclotron.  Even the Tunnel Rat agreed that finding it was "Triumph!!"  It was surreal, to say the least.  (By the way, the only way I got this picture was by mooching off of someone else's flash.  I got skills, yessiree.)

On another note ... this is Butler Library, Columbia's main library.  I imagine I'll be spending lots of time in there, and if I'm bored I can always go here.  

Go Lions!

Oh Alma Mater, how I love thee.  This is my new cell phone background.  Pretty nifty, if you ask me.  

I miss Columbia already ...