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| I dislike the new xanga settings Ah, it's been awhile since I've updated this. Heh, having a blog at the age of 19 feels weird, especially since I've had a xanga since I was 15 yrs old. Geez, how time flutters away. Well, my b-day was on May 8th it was lame. And let's see, I lost my paid internship due to the fact that I am under-qualified, I failed my Math class, and what else? Oh yeah, never got the car I wanted. Pretty much this year has been shitty and I still have a lot to do. Good thing is that I always have a backup plan. I ended up asking one the psychology department members if I could be their assistant and lo and behold, Mr. Rosen accepted me and will take me under his wing. He's a funny guy, likes John Stewart, and thinks the Interwebs is the best thing ever. I think we'll get along great. The other good thing is that my manager at Staples actually realized how great I am since 5 people quit and is now giving me more hours to work over the summer! Yay money!
My mom thinks its pathetic that I'm saving every paycheck to get a second hand car but if no one is going to support me then I might as well do it on my own. I should start looking for roommates near USC since I'll probably transfer there after 4 years or more. Why do I bother planning so early? It's not like I'll ever get what I want. </self doubt>
Anyways, Its summer and it feels so good not to have school but I still feel like studying. I've noticed that instead of reading comics online, I've been more drawn into reading articles. Hmm, Psychology is getting to me.
Other then work and school. I've also had a sudden urge to start clubbing and going to raves now. It must be due to the fact that I feel like my old self and want to be the party starter I once was. But times change and all that is left is the thought of who we once were.
Mehhhh, another bad thing is that my chances of going to N.Y. and running away for a week vacation has shattered. My mom doesn't want me to be anywhere near my aunt since she's a "bad" person, plane tickets are expensive, and my job plus my non-paid assistance job with Mr Rosen is far more important then Times Square or Queens. I'll always have plenty of chances to see the world. All I need is money and time. Which kinda sucks since the N.Y. saying is "time is money" and I don't have much of either. :[
(~Peace~)
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| Zelda: the MOVIE?!Mood~ O_o
This is the worst April Fools Day joke ever. I actually fell for it and believed that they were making a real movie based off the Zelda Video games. :[
Well, I hope eventually someone does make a great movie out of the game. I'd watch it, even if it ended up being a trilogy movie like Lord of The Rings.
On other news, I have midterms next week. I should be studying since I have a D in finite mathmatics. Wish me luck~! D:
(~Peace~) | | |
| The Worst and The Best Week of my LifeMood: gloomy
This week started with me getting hurt at work and crying for the first time at work. My manager had dropped the cabinet drawer on my foot. It hurt and I cried out from the pain. My poor big toe was not bleeding but it hurt. However, I forgave my manager and from now on he'll do whatever I say. If I say I'm thristy then he'll get me a drink. Haha, I love it. Maybe I can more hours now.
Then on St. Patricks day I got into my first car accident. :[ The sad thing is that it was not my car but my friends. It was my fault cause I hurt the side panel and the blinker but no one was hurt. The car I bumped into was fine just my friends' car is dead on one side and I have to take responsibility for it. I was more depressed that she forgave me. I still haven't forgiven myself for that stupid mistake. I couldn't be more thankful for a better friend.
Then I found out that getting my own car is going to be harder then it seems, since my Dad quit his job. I swear, I think he quit on purpose and now I just feel so depressed. I hate what my father puts me through. I wish I didn't need him financially. But until I get a great job I need to depend on him.
But then something good happened. I got accepted to put in my application for the MBRSA, its basiclly a psychology research job and I get paid $10 an hour at school. Also, this will help me on my path to become a doctor. I need to start doing actual research and lab work now. I just need to turn in 2 letters of recommendation and I am in. I'll be at my college 24/7. Haha.
Argh. I also found out that my scholarship money is going to be used for my mom's stomach surgery. She basically wants to lose weight the easy way and make her stomach the size of an orange so she'll eat little and become really skinny. Oh god, I can only imagine the medical bills. I hate it how she's using my study money for that reason. It makes me sick. I cried about it because if something goes wrong then my Mom is gone and I'll have to suffer more. I just don't want to think about this too much.
And to make this week a bit better. . . I get to go to an Art Festival at Redondo Pier and they have a full bar! Lol. No, I won't drink, I promised myself to stay away from all that. ;]
Another bad thing that happened = Allan came to Torrance. LOL. Just kidding.
Ok, so I have work tomorrow morning. I think I should sleep. My motto: more work = more money. Should be worth it. If I don't die from exhaustion. I think a .gif of Daniel Henney will make my night...
 Oh yeah~!
~(Peace)~ | | |
| Love line with Dr. Who?no mood today, just ranting. <3
 click for big pic!
Hahaha, I'm not non-sexual but asexual pretty much sums up my love life. I don't know if having a relationship will make me any different than I already am. It's one of those life experiences that I want to avoid because to not have loved someone is better then a heartbreak. Eh, though I've had my occasional "flings" with guys I just never saw myself in a committed relationship. I feel so bad for my coworkers who want to get to know me more and even ask me out just to build up a relationship. I don't give guys a chance and that's my fault. If I did I would probably be in a settled relationship. But at this time in my life I don't want one.
I see people walking around in the malls with there girlfriends/boyfriends and think to myself "Is that what I want?" I dunno. It's all to fake to me. I must be a narcassitic type of person if I can't love others. Maybe it's like that saying, "you can't love others if you can't love yourself." Then that wouldn't make me a narcassist.
All this spring season lovey dovey crap makes me nauseous. Just like getting married and having kids. My mother wants me to start a family after I get my PH.D but I don't want that. I cannot see myself as a wife or a mother. I don't even have affection towards kids, they make me sick. I know that all that devotion to a family is what girls should have, most girls dream to get married. But I want the opposite, I want to die alone with people who know me for my achievements and who I really am. I would never be committed to such a thing like a family life.
This sucks, I wish I wasn't a psychologist (in the making) because I can analyze other people but when I start to get problems myself then it only fires back and I can't do much for myself.
Other then that, I have no regrets rejecting the many guys that have asked me out to a date, prom, or whatever else. I may have short-lived realtions with men but long-term committment is not what I want for myself. I probably love the lust part and not the actual unconditional love. I can't say 'I love you' to my mom so what can I say to someone that really wants to get to know me?
Pfft, I'm such a bitch to guys. Sorry, I'd rather stay asexual and live a life of prosperity instead of love. Sad, ain't it?
Oh man, I have some issues.
~*Peace*~
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| A new dawn and a new year.mood:  ^_^
I had work early in the day so I started the day off in a semi-good mood and later on the day was reunited with people I love and know. It was nice to see everyone for a while at Kaitlyn's home. Today/last night was a pretty cool night. At 5:30 am I went out with Alison, Laura, & Scott to see the first sunrise of the new year. It was a beautiful site and I tried to take a pic of the sunrise but it was so windy up in the mountains that I didn't want to drop my cell phone. >.> Anyways, we had the best view of the new year and it was nice to cuddle with friends that are energetic like me. Afterwards, we all went out to breakfast and got yummy pancakes. I might do this sunrise watching thing again next year, it was definetly worth every minute. It is really a breathtaking experience and does make me feel good. I haven't slept at all and will probably crash towards the end of the day...sadly, I have work on New Years Day and its f-ed up. But I'll go to work and sleep when I come back. Or not. :D
I have no resolutions this year. Because I have goals, long-term goals. That is to get my degree ASAP. D:
Ah, my winter classes start in two days and I'm excited but will dread going to school at night. It gets cold and my college campus at night kinda scares me. However, I will accomplish what I want and that is to pass my math class. Damn you Algebra. ;_;
Ok, I have to get started on a lot of things. Maybe I'll do those things when I have a day off from school and work. Hmm, I wonder when that is...
Oh btw, HAPPY HANGOVER DAY. Haha, suckers!
(~Peace~) | | |
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