have a slight feeling that i was pretending to be noble when i wrote on louis chan's xanga. i feel that i would write exactly the same kind of things if i were hurt, though i would not descend to his level. at least i wont blame others. even if i want to beat someone to release my fury, all i want to punch and kick is myself alone. bite arm in midnight, all that i want to is to release. always my turn to be the gentleman, when can i learn to be the jerk?