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| Beautiful OneWhy does it take me so long to make new posts?!
I'll tell you... I don't want to be one of those people who has to update you
on all the mundane details of my seemingly less than interesting life...
Additionally, when I do post, people are more prone to read and consider what I
am saying...
That being said, now I'm going to post the details of my mundane life:
#1. God is AWESOME... I could tell you about a million reasons why... but
the fact that He still heals... even from a distance, says a lot about just how
WONDERFUL He is!!!
#2... Tonight is one of the most beautiful Chicago nights I have ever experienced.
The cool wind is blowing hard, there is a light mist in the air, and the lights
of downtown are illuminating the foggy air of the urban landscape. I wish
I could share the sight with everyone... but Jesus is here to share it with
me... and that is more than I could ask for.
#3. My sister cracks me up
#4. I do miss my friends from IV, but only in so much as I am inclined to
think about how much I love them for a period of 30 minutes... then I move
on... I really need to learn how to feel things.... For a community I was
made... as I loner I was conditioned... no longer... make me over again, Lord.
#5. Siren... I'm inside Starbucks... I see her sitting here.... she is so
beautiful! It reminds me of when I used to wake up at 4:50am to see her,
to spend time with her... She was always so nurturing... and I was so cruel to
her, I guess I couldn't see her love until she was out of my life... *sigh*
She will always be in my heart...
An Ambulance passes outside... pray for the hurt. | | |
| Martyrdom | Short updates are a wonderful thing.... Question... Why is it that every time I don't make it to my 9am class we have a pop quiz.... and every time I get there early my teacher cancels class? Had a great breakfast this morning... I actually woke up early and ate some country sausage at Sweet Maple... and now I am absolutely exhausted. I had 2 coffees this morning and triple espresso... I am still absolutely fatigued.... No human should be tired after that much caffeine. Which leads me to a startling conclusion... (Physical) Ash is a wuss... thank Jesus that I'm not spiritually worthless. Esther and I conversed at great lengths last night about God... plain and simple... Spent most of breakfast talking about God and spiritual warfare.. If I could talk about Jesus every minute of everyday I would... Conclusion of my conversations: Satan's chief weapon is making believers think that they are all alone. That God has left or abandoned them, and that no other believer is there for you. Sad how often Satan uses this and we listen to it.... I think that the feeling of being alone is at the center of our problems... I have also found that there is an overwhelming desire in every Christian's heart to Experience God to know Him deeper to pour our all into Him... But it is hard to let go of "our" time, "our" responsibilities, and "our" lives. Of course they are all really His... So we will reach out every day with every beat of our hearts. My brothers and sisters... in revelation it says that the bridegroom is waiting to return... waiting for those who will be martyred for the sake of Christ and the Glory of His name... Yes, we are they.... He is saying, "It is not time yet.... I am waiting for Amber, I am waiting for Paul, for Ashley, for Emma, I am waiting for Ash... for they will be martyred for my sake. And after they arrive I will claim my bride!" I love God... He gave His life for me... I would gladly give my life back to him... I know... He knows you would too. With the shift of values in our great nation... martyrdom of Christians may not be far off. If it happens that persecution finds us... I want to be at the front of the line... "The most dangerous place in the world, is the center of God's will" Sanctus Real - Face of Love (I love this song) I've seen your face on stained glass, in colored lights
In pictures of you looking to the sky
You've been portrayed a thousand different ways
But my heart can see you better than my eyes
'Cause it's love that points the portrait of your life
The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love everyday
I've read your words in the pages of your life
And I've imagined what you were like
I may not know the shape of your face
But I can feel your heart changing mine
And your love still proves that you're alive
The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love everyday
You are the face that changed the whole world
No one too lost for you love
No one too low for you to serve
So give us the grace to change the world
No one too lost for me to love
No one too low for me to serve
Let us see...
Let us be your face |
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| Sweet! an updateHello my dear friends and
family. I guess it is time for an update... not a long one... but
an update none the less. Things have been crazy busy this last
month... with school starting, new student outreach, and InterVarsity
in general. I have been worn down to the bone but still, things
have been suprisingly "nice". I went home this last weekend
and I had a wonderful retreat. I feel revived. I am excited
for what God is doing in my life... his commitment to us... and Him
believing in us. He grew my faith a lot in a two day span.
I love Jesus. He is amazing! Prayer... I love prayer... I
love having Him look upon me. You get that sense that he is
smiling on you. Life is beautiful... Jesus is lovely... Sometimes
I miss Him and have to rerealize that he has been with me as I have
missed Him... you think I would have learned by now. :)
What'ev.
I really wanted to thank everybody for making my birthday as special as
it was. I am grateful for your taking the time to come out and
see me. I am just as thankful for those who sent me message in
anyway shape or form... facebook... myspace...
And thank you to Kevin for setting so much of it up. I am
thankful you are my friend. God bless you all. I love you
guys.
I need to express how much I enjoy
the band Sleeping at Last. Their lyrics really make the world a
better place... kinda like ranch dressing.
Needle And Thread
When the world welcomes us in,
We’re closer to Heaven than we’ll ever know.
They say this place has changed,
But strip away all of the technology
And you will see
That we all are hunters,
Hunting for something that will make us okay.
Here we lay alone in hospital beds,
Tracing life in our heads;
But all that is left
Is that this was our entrance and now it’s our exit,
As we find our way home.
All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand
That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.
“You were a million years of work,”
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
“You’re a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we’ll see you soon.”
All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand
That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and,
somehow,
Made perfectly mine.
We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love.
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| Posted!"Ash... Update your Xanga" ~ Quote of the week
Where do I begin? Life has been absolutely crazy lately. For the last two weeks I've been working ACCC from 9 to 5 four days a week and 2 of those days I've had to work at Starbucks afterwards til close... 12 hour days are fun and all but I'm kind of wore out. Anyway here is the update:
Chapter Focus Week was an incredible and exhausting experience. I was confronted with my short comings, my sins. Since then I have been unraveling the layers of myself trying to find the root of my problem. What's my sin? When I care for somebody I want them to feel like the most important person in the world... coupled with my sometimes "flirty" personality, I can cause others to stumble. I have found over the last few days why I have problems with this. I don't give my heart away very easily... I can love on people, I can care about people, but I don't become attached easily. I discovered what I believe to be the root of this problem as well. Most of my life I have found a very close connection with movies like "Unfaithful" and have seriously believed that I will someday be cheated on by my lover... by my wife. When I became a Christian I thought I would never have to deal with that... I mean... no sex before marriage and faithfulness to ones significant other is primary. But instead of sexual adultery I've experienced the pangs of emotional adultery... and I've hid myself... keeping myself from becoming attached to others. I found from "Blue Like Jazz" that this stems from self-hatred or no self value. Both of which I willingly bear to avoid personal "pride". Sadly, I also expect others to "guard" their hearts like I do... by restricting access to it completely. As a result I will act in a sometimes "flirty" or "engaging" manner, leaving people hurt or irritated in my wake. I've also found that I am in need of encouragement and support from spiritual leaders... I often feel that the work I do and the thoughts I have are worthless and not "what we are looking for". I can accept criticism... but it starts to hurt when I don't feel like the work I do is good in any way shape or form... I am at the mercy of my own desires to find self worth in something that I do.
Prayer that I have received in the last few weeks has been REALLY healing for my heart. Prayers about feeling that as a leader I am an illegitimate... possessing a leadership that is unprepared... inadequate... birthed as a mistake and incomplete. Prayer of the blessing from a father. Prayer for the refilling of the spirit over my life... that I have been half full when those around me see that I am full... I feel like I am so good at hiding my struggles and my pain that I do so without intending to. Thus I am making my announcements of all this publicly and on each of my online journals.
Anyway, about Cedar Campus... It was wonderful... we prepared a lot of amazing things for this next year. We are getting InterVarsity's name everywhere on campus. I got the chance to grow close to the most amazing team I have every been a part of. The servant team is unbelievable, yes.... but I mean InterVarsity for all of UIC... the Asian-American Chapter and also my chapter. They are a most amazing people! Over the week I fell in Lake Huron, Ran about 6 miles (yay for getting back in shape), met a bunch of people I've been attending school with the for the past 2 years, grew friendships, had leadership struggles, and got through hard core initiatives (SAVE MY BABY!). I also grew.... not in ways I was hoping too... as is life. I love God.
It's funny... I took a visiting couple from the Columbus Vineyard to Hyde Park Vineyard this last week. And they blew me away... their love for God was breathtaking, their excitement for starting a small group seemed so trivial to me at first... but they were exploding with joy for this opportunity to assist God in the redemption of humanity. They made me cry... their hearts are so beautiful! They took me as their son for a 4 hour period... and it left a resounding impact on and in me. They brought me to a strong awareness. In my time in Chicago I have grown... I have learned much of the bible, I have learned doctrine, right conduct, spiritual disciplines, serving, personal identity, understood culture much better, became more globally minded, and many other blessing have come from being here... particularly my friends… my family here. But this couple reminded me of why I love Champaign Vineyard so much… They develop their love more. Whenever I return I feel like I’m back with my family… The people there develop their love… for others and for God… it feels like heaven as a result… Hanging out with this couple made me want to love God more, love others more… love myself more.
It has been an amazing month… please pray for my father… things have been crazy lately! Thanks | | |
| GloryG'day, This is a long time coming... as usual. Once again... I'm going to try to update more regularly. But here is a quick, does not do justice to the experience, synopsis of my weekend.
Friday I worked... after I talked to William about our InterVarsity Chapter next year: vision, leadership, and plans oh my. I walked away REALLY EXCITED about all that next year holds for our chapter. This is in opposition to me usually walking away really excited about next year. But I went to class... went to work... worked on my papers due this week. At 5, I got off went home and packed my stuff to go down to Champaign. I picked up Raina got her packed. Went downtown and ate at Wendy's... I know... we're classy. And off we went to go see RENT. The show was fantastic even though the cast was not quite as good as some of the others I have seen. It was awesome none the less!!! I was late picking up Libby... only by a couple of hours... which is lame... I hate being late... but I'm good at it. It needs to stop, and I'm the one to do it. Anyway, I tried to get ahold of Lisa to no avail... :( so we continued down to Champaign.
I got home around 2:30ish and set up sleeping arrangements. In the morning we got up... got to Church at 8:30 and met up with our fellow Hyde Parkers. It was such a blessing to see so great a showing from our Church at the Young Adult Conference. Amanda informed me about the subject matter of the previous night. Voice 2006 conference was about finding your voice... what’s unique to you... but not in a way you can offer way... but in a "what can be called out of you" way. The topic of the weekend was "The Barbarian Revolt". If you scream to God during worship because you authentically desire God... don't hold back.... Don't let anybody else hold back your authentic love for God. Anyway, the Worship was unbelievable, Robbie Reider is fantastic!
I have to give the Rick Olmstead biography.
Rick is the Senior Pastor and founder of the Vineyard Church of Fort Collins. He loves seeing people come alive in Christ, grow, and change. Rick is originally from Los Angeles, California, and moved to Colorado to start the church in 1982. He has been a pastor for 29 years. Rick was a High School teacher/coach/principal before he became a pastor.
Rick feels God's call to be a father to young adults. He is passionate about the Sunday night Overdrive service which is comprised of 300-400 young adults every week. Rick wants to see the next generation raised up to hear God's voice and minister with power to people around them.
Rick was our speaker. He was amazing; he had a whole talk on a God being your Father. Talk about a touchy subject. Hearing his story was heart breaking!!! I kept trying to be tough... I was determined not to cry. He played a video... yeah cried... played a clip from the Passion of the Christ... cried... Prayed that we would not only forgive our parents but let them love us when they choose.... cried... He brought up all the people who had their father absent from their lives entirely... cried... I felt so blessed... and so weak. God really is my father.... my dad... my daddy... So I connected with that part of my life even more. The next thing we talked about was being a barbarian and breaking loose. He said so many encouraging things about what he sees in our generation. He asked us not to be tame but to be who you are. SCREAM to God if you it is authentic worship, dance if you feel like expressing your love like that, open up and offer yourself… your personality… who God has made you… back to Him. The community we experienced this weekend left me thirsty for more. I am inspired to seek more.
We convinced Toya to stay with us for the whole weekend and hang out. We had many theological conversations and I have to admit… I was stretched… and I always learn so much by discussing with my brothers and sisters. It was wonderful to be with my fellow church members and seek God together.
Sunday was wonderful the message was wonderful, it was about persevering struggles. But the young adult service WAS GREAT!!! Rick spoke again and talked about hearing God and had everybody open up to God in ministry time. It was relaxed and the stories he had about his own failures made me feel comfortable to step out. I am grateful for Rick and his heart for young adults. Shortly after we all drove back to Chicago.
I had a wonderful weekend. God is so wonderful to me… to us. I couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for God and for everything He has done in my life and all the plans He has for me.
Praise Jesus for taking our spot in death and giving us life and for rising to give us hope.
Praise the Father for His heart for us, for being counting the cost of reconciling us to Himself.
Praise the Holy Spirit for touching our lives and making our path level to follow the will of God’s life. | | |
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