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| The Summer of LearningI'm beginning to see what God has in mind for me this summer...and what He's been doing all along.
He kept me in this dark place for so long, but it wasn't a bad thing...it was in his plan all along.
I'm reading "This Present Darkness" by Frank Peretti. I've read it once already, but it was so good I decided to read it again.
It's basically a book about spiritual warfare. In the story, you see how the natural world is affected by the spiritual world. The angels watching over one of the main characters are confused because they haven't been given the orders to fight off the demons that are tormenting him. They want to but they can't do anything until they are told to. The "Captain" keeps telling them...its necessary..he must fall first in order for the plan to be complete. After the main character falls, he becomes victorious in the end.
That's how I've felt for the past year, like I've fallen...but now I'm becoming victorious.
God has taught me so much already this summer and it's still coming.
I listened again to one of my prophecies from church and that's exactly what they told me. One lady said she saw me all alone and sad, but she said that's the way God wanted it for now because it was in that sadness that he was beginning to shape me. And for so long I had this feeling that even in a crowded room of people I was alone.
Listening back to that I realize what God's been up to. He's not leaving me..because he said he would NEVER do that...he's just simply molding me into who he wants me to be.
Also I am beginning to think it has something to do with the career path I have chosen. As some of you know, I want to be a family/marriage/teenage counselor (of course how could I counsel people if I've never been through similar hard times. Maybe these hard times have happened so when someone comes to me in a few years for counseling I will be able to say, "it's okay you're not the only person that's felt this way, I went through something similar too")
Anyway, as you can see from the title, I'm calling this the summer of learning because it's packed full of little lessons. I wish I had time to write them all but that would take far too long.
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| PerspectiveWow, working with my grandmother has def. been a blessing. The work itself seems pointless and mundane, but the talks we have in the car to and from work and at lunch are the best.
I have learned so much from her in the past two weeks.
First of all is I've learned to not live in the moment. Hearing her talk about her past makes me think that what I'm going through will one day be ancient history when I'm her age. So it makes me not worry so much about the here and now.
I talked to my first ex the other night and we were talking about all the funny stuff from our relationship (the cheesy cards and mixed CD's we made for each other) and we were able to laugh at it remember it without taking it too seriously. That gave me some perspective too, what is serious now will be funny in the future. I thought so much of the gifts he gave me, and now they are just a distant funny memory. I am really glad we didn't burn that bridge when we broke up because he is a great friend.
Also something I've learned by myself (not from my grandmother) is patience. I'm dealing with a few delicate situations that are very important to me and I DONT want to screw it up. The only way I can do this is by waiting and seeing what becomes of this.
I'm faced with two choices. I have dreams that I make one choice, and I feel great about it...it just feels right and the I have a dream where I make the second choice and everything seems wrong. The thing is the choice that feels right is going to take a lot of trust in God because as of right now, it seems impossible that that would happen.
Anyway, thats all for now I guess.
Peace
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| Lessons Learned From My GrandmotherAs most of you know, I am working as a receptionist in the LSU Ag Center (where my grandmother also works). Most of the time, we have lunch together in the break room upstairs. The other day, we were eating lunch with a friend of hers, June Smith. Later, in the car ride home, my grandmother told me a little bit more about Mrs. June. She went through hard times, two husbands died, two were bad to her, she has two biological children and one adopted child. The adopted child is mentally retarded, and the biological daughter is not well off (has a kid and is in between men) Mrs. June has been put in charge of taking care of her grandchild most of the time because her mother is unfit. On top of all that, she is not well off financially.
My grandmother told me that on occasion, she would put an envelope with some money in Mrs. June's mailbox at work (never told her who gave her the money - and sometimes, it may have only been 20 dollars) I admired my grandmother for this because it is so selfless (not wanting glory for giving charity to someone and giving money that she didn't have to spare, because my grandmother didn't have it too well either)
The next week, we ate lunch with Mrs. June again, and as I watched her and my grandmother talked I noticed something absolutely stunning....true friendship.
One friend, giving selflessly to the other, and the other friend totally unaware of the kindness - and still being friendly. Mrs. June doesn't know what my grandmother did for her, yet she is still a friend to her (she's not friends with my grandmother for what she can get) So many people today are fake and are only looking for what they can get from other people. Mrs. June is not one of those people. And my grandmother knows in her heart what she did, and she will take it to her grave, which begs the question, what else has she done for others that even I don't know about?? Has she done things for me that I don't know about?...Probably so.
All this to say, be good friends not for what you can get from someone but for what you can give them. Also, be nice to everyone because you never know what they are doing for you behind your back.
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| and the days go by...Well I have been meaning to write a xanga entry the past few weeks and never gotten around to it, but now that I have a few minutes...the inspiration is gone. (all i remember is it was going to be a reflection upon my two years at SLU before I moved out for yet another summer)
To fill you in on my life since school's been out...
1. Moved out of my dorm on one of the hottest days of the year (and a day after the worst hail storm in a while)...and because of said storm, I may be able to get a new paint job on my car, because I have a bunch of little chips where it got hit with hail
2. The day after I moved out, me and the family packed up and took a 15 hour trip to North Carolina for a nice vacation in the mountains...it was a great vacation except the fact that it was way too short
3. After we got back, I began a job working in the LSU Ag Center (the same building my grandmother works in) It's nice, we've been carpooling and I've been getting to spend some quality time with my grandmother. It's a nice job, a lot of office work so its pretty boring, but its WAY better than Blue Bayou (and I get off at 4:30 every day!!)
4. Things between me and Brandon are still rocky and getting rockier...it's to the point where I don't know if a friendship between the two of us is going to work. I don't know what went wrong or when we started acting the way we do but I hate it. I hate fighting with him over stupid stuff but for some reason I still do. I want to hate him so much because I feel sometimes that if I hated him, I wouldn't miss him as much, but at the same time I wish we could be friends so I wouldn't lose him forever. It's a weird place after you break up with someone you've cared so much for for so long. You want to get over them, but you still want to love them. I don't know what will become of us, but I'm just trying to do the best I can to keep my head above water right now.
I guess that's about all I've been thinking about recently
And don't let this rant fool you, things have been getting better overall (not perfect but better)...its just something happened this afternoon with him that put a damper on my day and i had to rant...
so thanks for reading
Peace
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| David was an emo bloggerSo I was reading my Bible today and I was reading Psalm 13 and it sounds like my Xanga entries. It starts off saying God how long will you forget me? then talks about all David's struggles and then at the end sums up with no matter what is going on I will choose to be faithful and trust in you.
Just thought it was funny because sometimes we think everyone back then had it all figured out...but they were just as confused as we are!!!
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