Asian16's Xanga

Its been awhile since a heartfelt message was written on here

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 18:21:14 GMT

Basiacally i just wanted to let everyone know i'm trying to fight for what is right and let me tell you it s a warzone out here

Why are you smiling....

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 14:33:49 GMT

You say you love me…. A Smile crept across my face…. You smile whore…. Listen to yourself breathe and soundly come back to reality…. Jealously has taken its toll…. And you like simple when its mere complications holding you down…. We are the representation…. Representing past, present, and future generations of lost teenagers, confused by the difference between love and lust, dependency and solemn thinking, hope and selfishness. Don’t wait up for me, this journey will show me who you really are and he can get away with this. Breaking dates and finding you in places so unstable I question my own theories and logics. Here I lie undressed of my usual attire… wearing nothing but good intentions and armed with a heart willing to break at any cause. Your brightest future I have in mind…. Kiss me for good luck. The worlds a crazy place… is that all souls are good for… connecting with another and throwing away the tie between one’s mind and one’s heart forgetting everything I used to stand for…. I never knew or imagined you’d be the one to bring me down… sweet sweet girl I trusted… you only wanted me to change for you. Why didn’t I see it coming… is it trust I’m lacking or is it strings she’s pulling. I’d give anything for her and that’s what she knows… I should’ve never let her in on my secret. But I always hoped she could see it in my eyes. Simply put… I don’t want to do it alone and she’s telling me “You have to, except when I’m free.” I cant play this game and my falling apart can only last for so long…. Call me overdramatic… only the ignorant of drama would say that. And they don’t exist. Look after yourself. Tell me to do so. The calendar is no longer my friend for time is running out. I’ve lost my way along the road… that was my faithful routine…. I remember hope. Hope was looking at the stars and knowing, not because there’s no way I could ever understand but because I had reassurance. I remember hope. It’s a sad sad day when you remember loss more than hope…. When you remember the last lie told to you rather than hope… and even worse do you remember the last real kiss… when she was 100% sure. Maybe I don’t understand anything… my brain somehow mixed up with my heart and decided to give me what I needed to sustain a normal life when my soul is begging for extraordinary. My enemies are growing strong. Someone tell me my life is not pure convenience. Anyone. You saw me through this… my hearts last desires and the God to put me through them…. To bad I need to find reality. You know he doesn’t care right? Not about you. About himself? You better believe it. But you, you’ll be flying again soon. I’m using words to sweep you off your feet. Words so wrapped around my own finger that I only show you the bits and pieces others could get by reading between the lines…. My enemies… My solitude…. Each day you’ll see more…. You don’t see me for who I am… yet. And I won’t give it up until you’re sure you want to hear it all…. I could tell you stories that would make you question who you thought I was…. I’m only hiding behind writing…. But at least I’m following something I believe in with all my heart…. This is not goodbye this is not see you later this is until then…..

Stay with you

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 16:57:02 GMT

The softspoken band knows as the goo goo dolls recently released a song titled "Stay with you" the song merely says "i'll stay with you" "I'll feel the storm inside of you i'll stay with you" take my hand we'll run forever.... I'll stay with you... basically tho we need to stand on our own sometimes... we still need to stay with you....

Idk what we're doing but the point is I'll stay with my boyz... this is brotherhood

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 16:36:55 GMT

Go head girl go head get down...

CROSSWALKS AND YIELD SIGNS....

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 15:31:29 GMT

You dont know what you have until it hangs in the balance... guard everything you have with everything you have.... and fight for hope and hope will fight for you.... strive for love and it will cover more than you... it will cover everything else you strive for.....

i'm nervous as the year comes to an end we all fall aprt... lose touch... lose faith.... we decide.... friends....

THEIR WHISPERS OF FIRE ARE BURNING THE ONLY BRIDGE I WANT TO CROSS....

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:19:18 GMT

they cant give it up... cant let it go.... pass decisions haunt me.... with no regrets and the torment of relationships i never had... "i'm bad for her" it's sad they say this when once i was who they desired... i just didnt desire them.... happiness is here i feel it.... not a passing one either.... its knocking at our door and i dont want to give it up..... this is not good unless its you and me.... not good unless its your embrace.... your touch... forgive me, but i'm not leaving.... i know what i want, nothings stopping me except you.... youve gotta want it back....gotta wanna fight for it.... if this was going to be easy wouldnt everyone be as lucky as i might be.... i think id rather it be hard... and be the only one with this feeling.... this relationship could shine.... we just have to let it.... dont be scared to jump

ONE MORE IDEA TO RUN MY LIFE

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 23:58:45 GMT

So i took a step and began a podcast... just a relief for some things taht go through my head check it out if you'd like and let me know.....

My Mixed up Podcast

check it out.... lata

I WORRY I WONT SEE YOUR FACE LIGHT UP AGAIN......

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 16:28:14 GMT

Wow.... you ever feel like everything, despite the boundaries and the guidelines, feels overwhelming.... i know what needs to be done... i see the outcome before it even begins and though it makes me smile.... the journey is a road less traveled,hard and painful, dirt, and gravel.... the reasons behind all of it maybe arent even pure... but the heart rendering the emotions is..... unforutunately this cant be done by the book.... and good things have to be.... but great things follow no pattern. i fell for sure.... but falling is so easy..... getting back up from the fall is the hard part...... tonight we lay seperate in our hearts and beds.... but one day we'll break from the comfort zone of your bed..... i dont want someone that will make me feel comfortable but make me step out of my zone and live..... its in those moments that love becomes more than just a seed ready to grow.... but begins to break forth from its shell and breathes its first breath of life.... it lives..... there is no easy way to do this..... but if it were easy everyone would be great.... lets set ourselves apart for once and follow our own mold.... thats my wish, my hearts desire.... my journey.....

theres no right time.... only the time in which we decide to break free........

YOU EVER ...

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 17:56:33 GMT

have you ever listened to the song "How's it going to be"? A friend of minegave me the pleasure of listening to it today... and i have to leave you with the lyrics in hopes it means something to you as it did to me and him....

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder
What are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder
Is there anything I'm going to miss
I wonder How it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there is no one to talk to, between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like...
The hammocks by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty, don't see lightning like last fall when it was
always
about to hit
me
I wonder how's it going to be when it goes down
Hows it going to be
When your not around
Hows it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be.
Hows it going to be
When you don't know me any more
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivian
Wanna taste the soul of your skin
The soft dive of oblivian
Oblivian
How's it going to be
When you don't know me any more
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

I hope we all have to wonder a little bit... it keeps our hearts on its toes.... maybe just maybe that made sense......

i feel like its time someone said something

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 18:04:02 GMT

i'm sorry for all that i really am... no longer is this life a playground but a minefield with no room left for me to step... one false move and we all die here.... yet you now youre killing me with the way you look tonight... my angel my princess... my last regret and first place winner of my heart... know that i never stopped caring but now i've stopped hurting... thanks to my indescision to hold you close.... no use... we all breathe in and then out releasing my heart from your hands.... sorry i ruined your plans to peice together this beautiful fabrication....I'm not lying to myself and you are lying to everything we were... one stop and you bring us to our knees... this story doest ever get old just longer... adding more chapters to this evergrowing epic story with these battlefields consuming even the butterflies flying aoround in my stomach.... i'll stop the day i know youre less than fake... ahh forget it... we lie alone tonight.... we wish alone tonight...