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i used to be so fucking close to my goal weight n that all went to shit. only plus i guess would be my metabolisms up and im maintaining? but im so miserable cuz i would never wanna maintain this weight ew. my boyfriend pulls this pic out of his wallet.. pic when i was at my lowest weight.. n i look in the mirror and see how much fucking more digusting i am. i never thought much of myself but compared to me now i was fucking gorgeous then, god. my face is visibly fatter its gross i try to fucking fast but being italian n have people force shit on you.. ha thats VERY hard. plus we dont have money so my family eats out alot. ew. i seemed to do so fucking good when i had support. i have NONE now so thats where i fail i guess. cuz i dont have the confidence or motivation or any of that. well i mean being the opposite of what i wanna look you would htink thats motivation enough but no.. cuz when your severely depressed that doesnt exactly help your cause. ive been drinking alot lately. and i dont really enjoy that. but its a temporary relief, you know. last night i drank 2 glasses of 99.. yeah 99 thats strong shit. cant remember shit at all.. woke up drunk n with a headache.. ugh idk, idk what to fucking do. my best friends internet n phone is off well she got a cell now but he never has service so FUCK, i really need to talk to her mannn fuckk..FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK
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The game of life is hard to play
Im gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll some day lay
So this is all I have to say
That Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please
The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesnt hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please
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well binging really sucks. i had to purge so much. fuck. im afraid to get on the scale..
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| alright so people made me eat i smoked pot and went off track. like when you smoke its impossible to be depressed. n like its the only time i would eat n not feel guilty. but i got my punishment i gained so much weight back omfg like im so depressed about it now its retarded. when i was on here posting everyday i was doing so fucking good n it all went to shit. family problems and relationship problems plus my own i cant handle ugh idk yah |
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