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AubreeK
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Name: Aubree
Birthday: 2/12/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: I have so many! The good news above all. Hiking, canoeing, swimming, traveling, learning mandarin chinese, intercultural communication.
Expertise: using a squatie.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/1/2005
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| Better late than neverHey everyone out there who reads my blog... It's been so long since I wrote and the longer I go without writing, the less motivated I am to do so because how in the world do I possibly catch up? My time in America was great. Our boss sent me many people with hugs and kind words. My first few days back I was shocked at how very unlike me I felt. I knew I was Aubree and I looked the same, but inside I felt like a different person - a broken person. I had spent so much time in an environment where I felt unneeded and unwanted, I no longer remembered who or WHOSE I was. I don't think I necessarily was unneeded or unwanted, but it is how I felt. Don't get me wrong, things in China weren't all bad. I just really battled lonliness to the point where I forgot that people even liked me for being who I am. I even started thinking that the Boss only loves me because He has to be true to himself, but that He didn't like me and wouldn't want to hang out with me. Funny how being out of our realm of known can bring about all sorts of attacks. But, I guess, being broken isn't a bad thing because then He can rebuild me if I let Him. I did a LOT of driving this summer, and one thing I heard on the radio one morning was a definition of humility. The person said that humility wasn't thinking less of yourself, it was thinking of yourself less. In other words, it is not saying, "Oh, I am so terrible... I'm so rotten..." instead just take the "I" out altogether and focus on someone else's needs. Oh, that the Boss can uses this brokeness and drive me toward Him and make me humble. Parents want their children to grow up and be like them, right? Why is it that my selfishness so often fogs my way? All that said, I am actually REALLY excited about getting back into the swing of things at school. I bought all sorts of fun school stuff here that hopefully I can incorporate into my classes. I am excited about seeing the kids faces the first day back. I am excited about - gasp - 9th grade and our new text books. I am excited about eating Muslim noodles again. (YUMMY!) I'm excited to see my teammates and extended teammates to have some fellowship time. I'm excited to see our friend Eden have her baby in October. I'm excited about seeing my fellow teachers at the school. A few weeks ago, I asked our boss to settle my heart and He has done so much more than settle it. He's given me purpose and excitement again. Praise Him! I am still nervous about leaving and saying goodbye, but I know that it has to be done. I leave tomorrow morning at - gasp - 2:15 am! My flight leaves at 5:44 so I need to leave my house early. I hope to keep up more with my blog in China, but as always, it is unpredictable. I have skype if any of you out there do, please add me. I'd love to chat. And for only 90cents, you can make my day! Send me a letter: myname - Yidu Foreign Language School - Yidu, Hubei, CHINA - 443300 | | |
| LucyRest in peace, Lucy. You were a great friend. 
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| Dancing with married menOkay: I have a question to throw out to all of you friends through cyberspace. Does anyone else think that dancing with someone else's spouse is weird? I have this friend here, a man who is married. He is an English teacher at my school. Since he speaks English, we are friends. (Weird, I know, but true.) He's a fun guy and I enjoy talking with him. He keeps asking me to go out with him dancing and singing karoke. (Karoke is a VERY popular in China, much to my chagrin). I keep avoiding the question by saying things like, "Oh, I don't sing very well... haha..." but he keeps putting on the pressure.
Side cultural note: Sadly, married couple in China don't do things publically together very often. They show very little affection to each other and it's not uncommon to know of a husband who lives in one city making money while the wife and children live in another. This man and his wife both live here, and I have met her one time. But, generally, they don't hang out together. It's really sad.
Today, we were talking about etiquette, as it had come up in his text book. (Another side note: This man is going to be traveling to the U.S. in the fall with some students so we are trying to help prepare all of them for this cultural shock). We were talking about personal space bubbles and how in China it is okay to be face to face while in America, we want atleast an arms distance from each other. Anyway, the subject of dancing came up again. I really don't much enjoy dancing in the first place as I REALLY am REALLY bad at it. He, however, dodged that excuse with a "It doesn't matter. I can teach you." Now, to me dancing (depending on the kind) is a somewhat sort of an intimate thing. I mean, you kinda have to be close to each other. I'm not against dancing certainly. I have enjoyed it a few times that I did it, but I finally decided the reason it was weird and I just told him: I think dancing with a married man is a bit strange. If he wasn't married, I would consider it, but since he is it's just like an automatic "hands off" sign in front. To this he replied, "What so married men should just die??" HA! I said, no, married men should take their wives out to dance!
Then he said, "Well, in American movies..." (He is ALL the time watching american movies. I think he knows more about them than I do...) "...people dance with strangers all the time." (I'm thinking: They do more than that with strangers, but I'm not going to bring THAT one up...) "So," he said, "You are not very common. You are very conservative. Most Americans aren't like you." He does know what I believe in, but I must be very careful because the B does not specifically say, "thou shalt not dance with married men" HOWEVER, it is because of what I believe that I kinda came up with this rule. I don't want to be legalistic about it because certainly it's not WRONG in certain circumstances, but it just makes me unconfortable and is generally a situation that I would like to avoid. The only married men I want to dance with are my Dad and my husband.
So, all this to say: Sigh. I wish people didn't get all their ideas of America from movies. What do you all think? Comments? Am I being ridiculous?? I don't want to offend this man but I'm trying to avoid a potentially awkward situation. I keep asking him to invite his wife to do things together but he just says she doesn't enjoy going out with people.
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| Self Revelation and Mystery RevealedSELF REVELATION:
Ever have those moments where life smacks you across the head and you realize something important about yourself? I realized that I am way too sensitive to little things causing me to doubt myself when I shouldn't.
For example, if someone else is having a bad day and I try to talk to them and they brush me off I automatically think they are angry with me. I may say, "Are you okay? You don't seem yourself." But inside I say, "Ack! They don't like me anymore! I'm not okay. I'm not okay." Then, the rest of the day I may go around doubting who I am and walk on eggshells around that person because I am worried that they figured out who I really am and have judged me unacceptable for their company.
But, naming your demons does have its advantages. When you know what is something you struggle with, you know more about how to fight against it. Last week, I had one of these watershed moments. I was going along with my daily activity when someone was rather curt and rude to me. I began to think, "Oh no. What did I do wrong?" But, then I realized, I had done absolutely nothing wrong. And, if I did something wrong that I didn't realize, it is that person's responsibility to come to me and tell me. (Now, if I had wronged that person it is up to me to go to them...) So, instead of worrying about what I did wrong - I just stopped. I didn't worry. And, it felt so - liberating! I hope that knowing this about myself helps me in the future...
MYSTERY REVEALED:
Lucy, as it turns out, or at least in the vet's opinion today is NOT pregnant. Rather, is sick with some stomach thing. So, I had to leave her today at the vets to be tortured all week with IVs. My house seems so empty and lonely now. I hated to leave her there - it was like a sort of betrayl but I want her to feel better. Be thinking of this - that she will get better and not have any more complications. I'm rather worried. I know she is just a cat, but she's a great cat and I'm not sure how I would live in China for long without her.
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| Anticipation of... ?Do you ever feel a bit out of place and a bit out of tune?
Do you ever feel as if you are waiting for something big to happen but you aren't sure what it is or if it will ever happen?
Do you ever struggle with contentment?
Do you ever wonder if you're doing the right thing?
Do you ever feel farther from the boss than you should be and nothing but your own laziness keeps you from Him?
Do you ever think about how all the people in the world can't fill you up like you need to be filled and you know where to turn to for fulfilment yet you just don't?
Do you revisit decisions from the past wondering why you did what you did?
Do you feel misunderstood?
me too.
me too.
Don't worry. I am really just fine. I am just a complicated person, but I guess we all are in reality. Keep asking for my back - it still hurts. Don't know about the cat yet. Still wondering...
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