Chuck Norris Facts, yes they are all facts. =)
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie “Back to the Future” they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
Chuck Norris invented water.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more humane.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
