So this is a bit interesting...I haven't updated this webblog in such a long time, and yet my user name and password still work. That's amazing. 0_0

Not that I thought Xanga would shut down or anything, I just figured with all the new updates and remake of it, that it would throw out most of the old stuff. In any case, it's been a while.

I guess I can say a lot has gone on in the past year. The struggle, the pain, the deep quest in pursuit of the truths of life. but mainly, school, and trying to keep my head above water. There are things that we take for granted, and yet some things that seem to want to be taken for granted. A love hate relationship if you will. I've spent most of my life alone. I've had many friends, but few good ones. Most of the friends I've had, have become nothing more than mere acquaintances due to the fact we never hang out, or let alone talk when not with a mutual friend. But I've still kept a good number and surprisingly manage to find newer and better friends. Funny how things work out. You always see the "popular" kids on facebook or myspace with hundreds of friends, as compared to your poultry few and have a since of, it doesn't matter (as much).

I guess I learned to stop thinking about such trivial things, maturing into an individual who somewhat knows what he's looking for in life. I've started working out, getting out and just hanging with friends, and being a good student, and trying to make it through this twisted awkward life of mine. The last two parts of my life equation, is one the obvious, getting through school and ultimately finding that career for life that will pave the way for my own future, and also, that special someone to share it with.

To be honest, never been in a relationship, not very hard to see why not. I've overly shy, and always become the friend. Though not so much a "dreaded" word, but a killer, when seeking a relationship, beyond platonic. All in all, the hope still burns alive, and I am simply waiting here.

-afallen1

Wow, I haven't updated this thing in so long... Well, i don't know where I stopped...But since my last post was in September, well, things have changed rather dramatically since then. First off, I'm no longer working at Proxy Communications. The company was sold and the call center was closed, leaving me jobless. They actually closed early November, therefore, I've only been out of a job for about two months, but those two months were fucking hell. Never been more stressed, and ultimately the stress made me buckle, and i slipped into a much deeper depression.

Side story on that, throughout the years, i've often felt symptoms of clinical depression. However, I've never really took notice, therefore, i let it go untreated.  Unfortunately, now i've been officially diagnosted with clinical depression. As a matter of fact, i've shown the symptoms for it, and no counselor that i sought knew the answer to it. fucking idiots.

Anyways, as i slipped much deepre than i've ever been before, I've lost a lot of time. As well, as money, and have little to show for my past semester. But I don't care anymore. I've decided to take some time off of school, and well, just work, save up enough money to actually become independant from my parents.

Well, needless to say, after long trials and hardships of being rejected time and time again... i finally got one. *whew* i'm rather excited. At least now i have a job, and this particular job doesn't really require me to stay on, if i find a better job, or i find that what i'm supposed to be doing, isn't what's right for me. Therefore, i now have a bit more security as well as time in order to search for an even better job. Which will ultimately be working for the post office. they start you out at a minimum of $20/ hr. With all federal benefits and stuff. Well, Seeing how i haven't actually done anything with this job, i'll still take the required battery/ civil service test, and if i happen to make exemplary marks, and my interview goes well with them, i'll be able to tell the company that just hired me, i quit. and put in my two weeks resignation, or if i must, just tell them i found something better, and i won't be joining their team. Won't be easy, but hey, the test was rather easy, the interview was a joke, and the company's policies are rather etchy. Oh, and i'll be unfortunately working as a temp, therefore, this job could become something good, or just go down the shitter. Nevertheless, i have, for the moment, a bit more stability in my life. ^_^

That pretty much sums up everything that's happened in the past few months or so. Oh and if you haven't guessed it by now, i've kind of moved out from my parents house, and am now living with my "second family." I've grown rather attached with this family, as well as them to me. So i'll be sticking around for a while. And no, i'm not just loafing about, if i did, they'd probably kick me out in a heartbeat. lol. Anyways, i've practically been adopted by them, and i really don't mind too much. Therefore, both of my step sisters are in Israel right now. One actually moved there in August, i believe i've mentioned this before, but if not, then yes, my older step sister, moved to Israel on her aliyah, and i've missed her greatly since then. I still do, but we keep in contact with each other, so it's all good. My younger step sister has gone to Israel on her birthright, and is now visting her biological sister, ie, my older step sister. They argue a bit, but hey, siblings have their quarrels. It just happens.


On a future note, i'm looking to buy a new car. I'm pretty sure i'll need one once i move out of my mom's house for good, and actually get an apartment or something to that effect. But i'm looking at three cars at the moment. I'm looking at the 2006 Acura RSX type-S, the 2007 Mazada 6 i VE or Grand Touring, or the 2007 Subaru WRX TR or STI.  Unfortunately for me, the 2006 Acura RSX has been discontinued, therefore finding a new one will be rather difficult. But it can still be done. However, if i can't get that car, the i'm leaning more towards the 07 Mazada 6, but the 07 Subaru is pretty sweet itself. But If i can't get the car of my choice then my second pic will be the Mazada 6.
( a friend of mine recently got a Mazada Speed 6. And to be honest, it's pretty. It's turbo engine is fucking amazing. and well, i'm kind of jealous that he got such a great car. but then again, if i get things my way, I'll be driving around a pimpin' 06 Acura RSX type-S. I want to get things my way, and i really don't want to buy a Pre-owned acura, but if i get desperate, which i probably will, i'll do it that way.)

ok, i'm actually getting tired. My insomnia fades away after a few days of not sleeping. I think the technical term is "crashing" or "complete shutdown". = )


anyways, i'll update more, whenever i remember.

oh, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that jazz.

-afallen1

WOW, so i just moved into my dorm room, and is it crappy...*sigh* i had such high hopes...first off, it feels like a prison cell, it's small, yet large enough for just one person. I need to add/rearrange things so that it feels just a bit more comfortable. But...it echoes when i'm talking on the phone, geez...could it get any more bare? ...... I'll just have to be inovative and do some drastic things, such as post up posters, or even make a giant murral that i'll eventually have to take down, and/or re-draw, when i get bored of the current art work. We'll see.

but nonetheless, it's a swell place to live. I call it my new home, and therefore it shall be. = ) i'll just have to make things work.

anyways, this summer has actually been great! probably the best summer i've had in a long while. I've been getting great paychecks *enough to pay both rent and tuition*, i've made so many friends!!!, i've been actually going out when i get off work, I'm not entirely cooped up in my room for all enternity, i've been having so much fun hanging out with friends, and above all, i think i've matured a bit more now. and i really like it.

so this is to you all!! *my friends old/ new* (takes a chug of water)
i thank you for making this my best summer to date! thank you.

later.
-afallen1