AznBratQueeN's Xanga

My love is like a drug...

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 17:29:58 GMT

He's the drug and love is the drug dealer.
When he is with me,
all my tormented cravings are gone.
My body would possess with heavenly endorphines and blissful orgasms.
I want to smile... to sing... to laugh... to dance.
My muscles would untense and slowly relax.
Divine energy... delightful satisfaction... and uplifting serenity...
would take hold of my peaceful mind as I reach the state of nirvana.
I am just high off him.

When he is gone,
all my plagued cravings return.
I am consume with compelling agitation and compulsive fustration.
I want to scream... to grab... to punch... to kick.
My toes would curls and my fist would tightly clench.
Gut wrenching pain... endless torture... and uncontrollable desire
would take hold of my retched body as I suffer continuously.
I am just addicted to him.

Haven't been on here in forever... welp here is the update...
I am currently working at The Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown.
It is the hardest serving job ever. I am building arm muscles just carrying trays full of about 6 dinner plates back and forth to the damn customers and to the kitchen. Not to mention I have to make salads, drinks, and scoop icecream for the customers.
I don't recommend workin there unless you are desperate and can handle multiple task.

Anyhow, I am also takin a summer class... Oral Communication just to get it out of the way and build on to my credits. I am still attending Truman State University. Am leaving back to school on August 16th... (actually am goin to Rolla to visit Dinko during his freshman/party week and then to school).

Plans for the upcoming future...
1) Work my ass off everyday to save money
2) July 4th - Go to the fair
3) July 14-17- go to Chicago to visit HIM
4) Get a tattoo and my nipple pierced
5) Get a strappy black shoes and cocktail dress

Monday, April 03, 2006

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 01:30:35 GMT

Wow! I had sucha good Spring Break! Let's start off with Wednesday because that's when my real Spring Break began...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006.
Today is Dinko's Birthday! I left for Rolla. It was about a 1 hour and a half drive. I told my parents I had to go back to school for a meeting but for real, I went to Rolla for St. Patrick's parties. Hehe. I gave Dinko a stitched letter T-shirt with his frat name n something else...*wink wink* We got drunk n went to a Sig Tau party. Hey isn't this funny...Dinko is a Kappa Sigma and I'm a Sigma Kappa? Hehe.

Thursday, March 16, 2006
UMR really take their St. Patrick's very seriously. They don't have school today or Friday. We went to some Greek tournament. They called it "The Goncho Games." We then came back to his frat house and took a nap. After we woke up, we took a shower, ate something, and got ready for the parties. We pre-partied with his frat and played some drinking games. Somehow, Dinko began to sense my distance... This is when things start goin down... I gave him my journal to read... about our odd relationship. After some deep and sensitive talk and some tears, he asked me back out! I am just ridiculously happy. I think we can make it work. We went to the TKEs party afterwards! Everytime he introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends, I just can't help but smile...

Friday, March 17, 2006
When we woke up, we went to the Goncho games again. We came back, took a nap, shower, and we went to dinner. Four other people went with us. One of his brothers girlfriend came... coincidently, she is a SIGMA KAPPA too! We went to KYOTO to eat. I never went to a Japanese steakhouse before. It was so kool to have the chef cook in front of us. To top it off, this old guy who randomly sat with us paid for our dinner! Everything cost like $10 and up! He is supposeably a millionaire. Hehehe. The tab cost about $180 and he gave the waiter like a $40 dollar tip! That was so awesome! At night, I we met up with some people from our highschool and partied. We went to Phi Kapp party...so crowded.

Saturday, March 18, 2006
We went to concert. It was all hippies there. Hehe. At night, his frat host the Greek party. It was a foam party! It was so wild and crazy! All I remember from that night, was me n Dinko gettin it down on the dance floor which was covered in a 4ft high foam. I remember throwing up in the boys shower. Hehe. I passed out like whoa. I lost my shirt, I was running around in my bra the whole time!

Sunday, March 19, 2006
Hhee. Dinko had to wake up early to go clean up. Poor boy. Let me just tell you, the house is fucked up. Hella dirty. Puke, liquor, and trash all over the floor, mixed with foam. I was all ashy the next morning. I was so depressed to leave and go back to school. Dammit, back to reality!

Me n my baby

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 17:01:29 GMT

It's time to update.... Gosh, it has been so long.

Nothin much is happenin with me. I am juz hella bz with school. Tryna keep up with it.

I'm excited for my sister's wedding tho... It shood be really fun. I love my bridesmaid dress. Hella sexi.

Last Friday, he picked me up from Mizzou... I was so happy to see HIM. Then we went to STL. On saturday, we went to Rolla and partied there. Had some Great time! *wink wink.* He gave me a stuff animal, chocolates and candy for Valentine Day! I love him! It was so depressing to leave him on Sunday. The times I spent with him always seem so surreal and fantasy-like... it is always enjoyable and pleasant. It fucikin sucks to return back to reality.

Hmm. Is it possible to tell someone you love him but there's no title to your relationship?

I'm very confused...

I mean we talk to each other everyday and we end our conversations with those "Three Letter Words" but we aren't in a relationship. Is that wrong?

I feel as if our passion for each other is growing and getting stronger... it's beginning to reach the point where it's considered "Infatuation." I feel I should stop this passion now before we'll both regret it in the end. Seriously, where is this love heading? and if this is not a relationship, what would it be called? Would it be called "Friends with Benefits?" What exactly is Friends with Benefits? Is it a fuck-buddy? How about when the relationship is "Friends with Benefits." + uncontrollable passion? What would that be called?

I am so happy with him right now but I am doubting this relationship....
I am afraid of falling in love so deeply that it'll just hurt me in the end... but I'm more afraid of losing him.

Seriously, I am beginning to see this as a backup for another relationship. We just haven't found an opportunity to talk with someone else. However, if one us did, how fucked up would that be? I see some heartbreak, rejection, and some major drama goin down. Personally, I don't want to date anyone. Why would I want to when I have something good in right in front of me? However, that something is not within the range of my grasp. It is just there for me to see... until someone comes along and takes it away.

Welpz, what should I do? Should I continue this odd relationship or pour water on the fire and move on?

Seriously Confused,
Thiky

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 22:40:57 GMT

Is my Birffdayyy!!! I hit dah Big 19 yall! 2 more years till i hit 21.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 07:34:50 GMT

I am drunkkkkkkkkkk! I fuckin love me sorority! I juz got intiated today... I mean yesterday! So i am a real Sigma Kappa. Go to college n join a sorrority. Is fuckin fun n is dah best decision i've made. "One heart, One way! Sleepy slepeey... am out! Peace! i

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 20:30:29 GMT

Wow. I feel so dumb here in college... People here are geniouses. I'm so sleep deprived. Too much BIO homework. Someone shoot me. Calc is so hard... I never done this bad in math.

Welpz, I'm gettin initiated in 2 weeks, purrdy excitin. I'm constantly bz wit school, n when i'm not, i'm alwayz nappin. Can't wait to get a laptop. My brothers buyin it 4 me. =). Am sayin randomn things. Am out of it... Welpz, juz thought i update but nuthin much is happenin. I dyed my hair back to BLack! I miss my st.louisans. Blahhhh!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 20:48:08 GMT

I'm officially a member of the SIGMA KAPPA sorority! Yea... Welpz imma go do homework.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 06:23:43 GMT

Damn... Gezzi wat?

Am Rushin!

Thursday and Friday I went to open parties for different sororities. So much fun.. met hella gyrlz. N then I got invited back to all 5 parties but I had to cut one. So today I went to 4 parties. Exhaustin as hell. Hopefulli i get invited back again for preference party. Then I have to cut 2 if I get invited back to all four. Let me tell you this... I never smiled so much in my life and act perky n shyt. Hadda make a good impression. My cheeeks hurts. Anywayz, monday will be the bid day. N I'll finally be in a sorority.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 19:01:15 GMT

Damn. College is great. There's a party every night. Shooh, litterally each block I walk to, there's a frat party. Welpz, I went out last nite n got drunk. Am bout to do it again tonight.

I miss STL. Imma come back for labor day weekend.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 19:19:56 GMT

Letting go of a great summer has been so hard. I met many new friends and reunited with some old. Gosh I wish this summer never end... but unfortunately life goes on.

Anywayz, I'm leaving this Sunday to go to Truman State University. Imma miss yoo guyz in STL.

Goodluck to all the people goin away to college and those hoo are stayin here in STL. Hope wateva path ya take, it'll be successful.

Anybody wanna go to AMP this friday? I needa go clubbin b4 i leave..