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AznDSLxHK
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Name: Daniel
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Torrance
Birthday: 9/6/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Tennis, or practically any other athletic. I like watching korean drama!!!! All time fav. is "My Girl". Favorite is enjoying free time with friends doing wutever...
Expertise: Being me
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  AznDSLxHK
Member Since:
10/4/2005
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| A New Start Well I guess it has been an extremely long period of time since I have used this xanga but since I have one why not still use it and plus I have free time now that finals is over.
Well lets see how is my life now?
Well I must start with how awesome my summer with I guess. I still remember it in a decent amount of depth its like staring at a very familiar portrait. Well this summer I attend a program in taiwan called OCAC (forgot what it stood for haha) but well.... I actually went to hong kong first. My grandma from my mom's side was in a very bad condition so I spent about a month of my summer there before going to taiwan to attend the program. Actually I will start with what happened in hong kong first.
As of early may my summer break had already began and I was more excited than ever because I was able to go to hong kong again the country of my birth and plus I had to refurnish my cantonese because it was getting a bit rusty. So I left to hong kong in around may 20 something. I was excited because there was so much I could buy in hong kong and it is so much cheaper plus I felt more comfortable in a asian environment. So after a long strenuous flight I arrived alone and I think my aunt was there to pick me up. Then I was to stay at my grandma's place from my dads side. I must say it was extremely humid and for someone like me who cant take the heat I felt miserable. However after a few days I was adapted and I spent most of my time watching cantonese television. I believe there were only like four channels haha so I watched practically anything. Then I spent a lot of time with my "cousins". One of them took me to many museums in hong kong which was very educational for me it was pretty cool exploring with him. The other one took me to play basketball with many of his friends. It was fun however I became a mosquito magnet... The hong kong mosquitos tend to bite me only so I became everyones mosquito repellent. I also found it pretty interesting on how I was actually pretty tall in hong kong. Then my other cousin she took me to karaoke! yea that was pretty awesome since I mainly only karaoke with asian songs since most of my songs are in chinese. Well everything was alright and I did visit my grandma that was sick a few times a week. Those were moments I dont think I can ever forget... I was considered my grandma's favorite grandchild between me and my sister because she was the one that raised me when I was like two or three when my parents moved to America. It was painful watching her with that machine that gives her oxygen to breathe. And I can see she was in pain though whenever I was there she always tried to act like everything was alright. And at time she cant breathe to the point where she was suffocating. I was scared at those times I couldnt do anything but watch my grandma struggle to intake oxygen. Though I know that this would not heal but only get worse I always had hope that my grandma would get better. I never lost hope and now I am not sure if I was in denial.
Then June 1 approached, it was my mother birthday. So I took my mom to lunch and paid for it. It was a sunny and nice day. Everything was happy and it was a friday which means I am going to sleep in my aunts house to wake up at 7am to play badminton with her in the morning. That night it suddenely began to rain really hard. I was at my aunts house watching TV and they had already gone to sleep. I watched TV to around 1 am and then I went to sleep. The rain was still really hard and I tried going to sleep. Then it was 2am I was somehow still not asleep... I heard my aunt answer the phone and talk. Then before I realized what had happened my aunt came into my room crying. Well it turns out my mom called because my grandma has passed away. I cant really explain how I felt in that moment. I think I felt empty or I just couldnt understand what she was saying. So my aunt and uncle went back to their room and told me to go back to sleep. So I just sat in the dark and began to think. I still somehow was unable to absorb those words. How could my grandma have died when I just saw her this evening... Nothing seemed to make sense all I could hear was the rain. It continued as hard as ever and I just sat there. I slowly began to take in the fact that my grandma was gone... yet I was not crying... why was I not crying... and I cold blooded and heartless? What is happening? I just began to constantly scold myself for not crying... I sat in the dark for an hour scolding myself... thinking that I was just watching TV and sleeping when she died and I couldnt even sense anything. I hated myself... Then I actually began to cry.... and I guess my aunt heard me and she tried to comfort me to stop... but I couldnt.... I dont know why I just couldnt.... then she told me to call my dad who was in America but filled with tears I couldnt speak.... I tried but only stuttered... My mind was blank and I had to constantly remind myself that my grandma was gone. I shiver just be recalling this event but it feels like it happened yesterday. Well I dont want to go into detail anymore... those were extremely depressing moments and for once I actually realized death is a reality... Well it just continued with many more tearful days and I remember the day when we went to confirm the corpse... The moment I saw my grandma tears rolled down and I couldnt control myself. I wanted to go over to my grandma and tell her to wake up even though I knew it would never happen... On the way back was quiet.... I had to go to the restroom to clean up... as the only guy since my dad was in america I had to comfort my mom. I had to stay strong and hold everything in. My mom constantly cried even on the bus on the way back and everyone looked at her thinking what is wrong with her. Well then there was the funeral and all... My dad and sister flew to hong kong instantly and stayed till the funeral was over... and you know what this was all cause my cigarettes... I dont know why people actually smoke still... they have no idea that its not only hurting themselves but the ones around them that actually care... From that moment on I swore that I will have to do well in school and change myself for the better... but today right now I am extremely disappointed with myself. I have just finished my final but I didnt even put much effort in it at all... I know I will get an A or worst a B but I could have tried harder to make everything a solid high A.... I hate myself I have no idea why I got lazy.... Sigh.... well enough with this depressing story...
So right after that I was to go to taiwan to attend the program to learn mandarin. After all that had happened in hong kong I was not happy at all... I didnt look forward to the program because I thought it will be pretty bad but I was motivated to learn mandarin. When I arrived it turns out I was already late because everyone was suppose to be there in the morning but I arrived in the afternoon. So I went into the auditorium where they all the students were. To my surprise, they were mainly a bunch of high schoolers... I graduated and now I have to be with all these little kids again... From then on I expected the program to be really bad... Then I went to my dorm and I was roomed with a 14 year old german speaking asian guy and a 18 yr old who is going to UCLA. It was an interesting combination and I was happy that there was actually a person who was decently old. So I went to eat and stuck with my roomies and the german guy was pretty interesting since I havent met many asian people who speak european languages. During that week we had to take a test to get organized into classes that are in our level. I surprisingly got into class 8 with 13 being the hardest. I was still pretty diffident in the first week but then I got to know my class better and better. I also met many other people I somehow ended up as always being the oldest in the groups. But I made many good friends which gave me hope in the younger generation because that was when I saw that not everyone only cared about sex and all that.... Though I must admit that many were and I heard many stories of drama that happened in the program... Though there were many bad there were also many good so I took care of them most of the time. I became good friend with many of them and I would wish to keep in contact with these people and I hope they grow up to be really good people. I tried setting a good example for those I was with to show them that good people exist I guess. I really hope they dont get swayed by temptations in society and I will do whatever I can to help them and protect them because those people felt like a family to me. And I would really like to thank them because they have all made and impact in my life and one I would never forget. I believe this is the first time that this has happened to me so I really liked this program. Also because of this program I have a girlfriend that I would like to brag to the entire world about because she is so perfect. Seeing her picture could make all my days. Though she is currently in austria and this is a long distance relationship I am confident things will work out between us and I will try hard to make it work out. So this program has given me hope, motivation, and happiness. I now know what my meaning in life is and I have found my direction. I have always thought about how meaningless my life is I was not as smart as my sister and so many other people. I felt lonely and lost for quite a while but now I believe I have found my way to move on and overcome obstacles once again. So now I can actually say I am proud of the life I am in.
I hope everyone could be as proud and happy as I am today!
Daniel Lam
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Since I can't have a real pet, this virtual hamster will do  . | | |
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