Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 20:01:02 GMT

happy valentine's day.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 21:25:39 GMT

don't you just hate it when people change their plans on you and not for you?

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 11:17:59 GMT

history always finds ways to repeat itself...that's when you know the lesson is not learned. and for those that have trouble letting go...i hope some words of my past can offer some help...

click here.

happy new year.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 10:32:21 GMT

after an extremely fun night, celebrating Thu’s birthday, that i hoped would have just ended with mafia…it ended with a talk with my parents. no it was not a happy talk…they were pissed like crazy. how pissed? let me recall all the things they came up with about my apparently vast disobedience….

-i go out too much
-i am not commited to him (my dad)
-i lied to them
-i don’t tell them where i am
-i don’t answer their calls every hour
-i only want to have fun
-i spend their money
-i waste gas
-i put myself in danger
-i never think or worry about them

now according the the 10 commandments set by my parents, i have committed sin and been guilt of all of them in the past 5 hours that i was in the OC, having a birthday dinner for a friend and spending time at her house. my cell phone was on silent through most of the time, and i honestly had so much fun that i didn’t even remember to check my phone for missed calls. now here was my rebuttal to all the points above, even though my opinion didn’t matter at all to them thus i was smart about it and didn’t refute…

-i don’t go out to much. i could count 3 times i went out this whole break. and if i could count how many times then that really isn’t a lot…taking to account that winter break is 3-4 weeks long. going out means going out with friends too.
-committed to my dad? what is that supposed to mean? i never heard that line before until my dad spoke it. apparently he wants me to be on a leach to him and worshipping his every word.
-i lied to them? ok, i don’t tell whole truths only because i hope they would trust me more. but it doesn’t work that way. i guess i’m guilty of this then.
-i don’t tell them where i am? ok, so how am i supposed to explain to them that i am at the beach at 12:30am? or that i am lost somewhere around downtown san diego? how would they react to that? geez…
-so i don’t answer their calls every hour. seriously is calling me every hour to interrupt whatever i am doing, really necessary? can’t i ever have 100% fun knowing that my parents are happy that i am having real fun after a strenuous 10 weeks quarter?
-i only want to have fun. ok, honestly…what else would i want? i want to be stressed out to the extreme and study all day because studying for life is the only way to succeed in life? come on now…who doesn’t want to have fun? and the truth is, i do want to have fun all the time…but do i let myself go with that? no, i even set my own limits…and apparently my own limits do not choke me like my parents’ limits do.
-i spend their money. i am guilty of that, i admit. but what other source of income can i get? if i get a job while i’m a full time student, my parents will get on my case about how “i’m not putting my education first”. either way, it’s a double standard on me. i am not allowed to get a part time job because of their fear of me not being responsible with my studies. so my only source of income is through them, isn’t that what they pretty much want? now do i spend too much of their money? i suppose so…i will just cut back on it. sorry for being an overpriced only child, mom and dad.
-i waste gas…well sorry, i am guilty of that completely. this ties in with the previous statement. but honestly, is it really my fault that gas prices go up? sure i can save by not driving so much and so far…but i’m sorry i’m not the type of child that absolutely does not mind being at home 24/7 to rot in front of the tv.
-i put myself in danger. dude…living at home is more dangerous than living in my apartment in irvine. that has to be the dumbest reason my parents think i’m so irresponsible. last time i checked, i go to places that has 10x less crime than my home area. talk about over-sheltering me…being in too much danger? i guess i should live in a bubble. at this rate, i might as well go insane and live in a padded asylum…that seems more safe to my parents than anything.
-i never think or worry about them. helloooooooooooooooo freakin a! i’m still living with the fact that i’m going to school and being a bio major not 100% for myself. they keep telling me “we are giving up our lives for your future. the future that we couldn’t have. etc…” well maybe they shouldn’t have given up their lives because their lives is not meaningless. a future that they couldn’t have? they couldn’t have their future because they had certain hardships…i understand that…but by saying those words to me, it looks like i’m going towards a future that i may not 100% want and have been brainwashed to want even what if i wake up 10 years from now realizing i don’t love my life? isn’t that the same thing as not having the future i want for myself? i do think about them, i just show it through taking classes that i don’t want to take only to fulfill a degree and get somewhere to make them proud. they can’t accept me for who i am. the just keep putting me into a mold.

my parents made several threats. one was making me move back home and commuting to school. i told them that it would just make it harder for me to get through school…but they just said “tough, it’s your fault.” then my dad forbade me from going to retreat…now that just got me really upset. i asked what the retreat has to do with anything about what happened tonight. his answer was that “i am not committed to him.” and by “him” he definitely did not mean God. my dad is not a spiritual person at all. in fact, if i had gotten my spirituality from anyone, it’s from my mom. good thing my mom knows what’s important because she backed me up about retreat and agreed that i need to go to retreat and that it has nothing to do with me coming home late tonight. my dad got pissed and was like “let me talk to cha toan! let’s see who’s right and who’s wrong. what the hell is hat cai. eating every night? going out late at night? let me talk to cha toan about this.” in my mind i was thinking…please talk to cha toan! he invites us to late night movies! even he understands our college life nature! lol…i would love to see this. my parents even complained about how i sleep late and that morning for me starts at 1:00pm. well honestly, i’ve been trying to sleep, but i end up laying in my bed until dawn and then i start sleeping. you know, if i were in irvine, i would have more things to do, thus more reason to wake up earlier and get back on the right sleeping schedule.

all in all after the yelling and lecturing…it really is all a big misunderstanding as well as my parents’ overprotection. dude, just because i didn’t answer my cell for 5 hours, you know what they did? they drove all the way down to my apartment in irvine to see that i wasn’t there. they thought i was dead and buried somewhere at a bar or club. what the heck? even if i was a missing person, the police department doesn’t even start looking for me until 48 hours later! my goodness, this is how much they lack trust in God. that is the biggest fault i see with them. i even tried subtley suggesting that to them, yet they stopped me in my tracks when they knew where i was going. TRUST IN GOD. seriously! just 5 hours from the last phone call with them when i picked up…and they go berserk and start thinking i was dead already. ok i understand that they truly are concerned and care about me…but seriously…that is just going overboard. my mom said that she wants me to tell them where i am everywhere i go whenever they call me. that’s fine, i’ll do that but all i ask is their trust. and they said that they have no reason to trust me right now.

my dad thinks that the reason i stayed out so late and didn’t answer my cell phone is because i am busy talking to girls and being into them. hahaha yea right…that is the lamest thing i’ve heard. then my mom said “for all we know, you can be out on the streets doing drugs or stealing and robbing places.” then i replied…”mom, do you really know me?”…that just makes me really sad and upset right now…because it seems that from this entire incident tonight, my parents do not know me…because they never opened up to me until now…and all they opened up to me with is how i have not lived up to their expectations as an “obedient child”. i’m sad because i asked my mom a question realizing that the answer is no…they don’t truly know me. the only things they want to know me as, is an unemotoinaly academic machine that will crank out degrees and a 6 digit salary. how sad.

i have more to work on this retreat (if i am allowed to g0)…and i guess most of it i should focus on being a “good kid” for my parents.

p.s.
no more new year’s celebration for me. it’s just me, rotting in front of my tv watching the countdown just like the past 20 years of my life…what a way to end the year. hello 2006.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 08:59:03 GMT

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 08:32:58 GMT

i attended the depech mode concert earlier tonight. it was awesome. thanks thy for pushing me to go, thanks vinh for getting the tickets (i'll pay you back soon), thanks michelle for just being cool.

goodnight to you.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 07:39:52 GMT

you know how on the harry potter and the goblet of fire movie trailer how it uses the line "dark times lie ahead, harry."

well...ditto. i feel you on that mr. harry potter.

dark times lie ahead...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 13:39:12 GMT

i'm missing my hoag shift this morning. not feeling so well. i forgot to eat yesterday again. feel like throwing up a little. should go back to bed. nite/morning.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 08:07:37 GMT

i sigh a lot. i need to stop sighing, or elese people will think something is wrong with me.

AznFrAnKie's Xanga