BJeanneS's Xanga

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 06:25:22 GMT

Dang, I really miss this.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 06:12:58 GMT

Hold on, baby you're losing it
The waters high, you're jumping into it and letting go
And no one knows that you cry
But you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 20:57:12 GMT

So I know nobody reads these things anymore, but I was talking to Veronica last night about her old posts from last year, and how they brought back so many memories so I decided I might as well write... or type.

Let me just start off by saying, I love my God. Point blank. I don't really know how to describe the passion I feel for Him. Before this year... well, for the past two years I have been searching and searching for someone to fill this hole in my heart. Someone to love me, and make me happy. Little did I know, He was right infront of me. From the middle of my sophmore year, till 3 months ago I had been so down and depressed. I hated being single, I hated being all by myself and I pretty much just hated life. Then all of a sudden, I woke up. I finally found what I had been searching for all that time. I have always had a relationship with God, but nothing like what I have now. This is more than just a relationship, this is love! I am in love!! There's no better way to put it.

My senior year couldn't be better. The only problem is, it's going too fast. So much has happened, it's just amazing. I've lost friends I never thought I'd lose and I've become extremely close to people I'd never thought I would. I've pretty much narrowed colleges down to UT or ETSU, but all that could change in a second. Oh yeah and I got a new car which is awesome.

Marti, Mikael, and Danielle have been awesome friends to me this year. We always have so much fun together and just doing random stuff. There is this one particular night which I will never forget haha I love them!

I miss Veronica like crazy. Sometimes I just need someone to pick me up and drive me around aimlessly for 12 hours. She can't do that anymore, because she lives 2 hours away instead of 5 minutes. I do get to see her, but not near as much as I would like. But thank God it's almost Christmas then she's all mine!

And I still get to hang with my baller, aka Dustin. Who always makes me laugh. I'm glad we're friends and that I can just be myself around him.

I'm not sure why I deleted all my old posts, but because I want to, I will sometime put them all back up. It's always fun just to look back a year or 2 ago and reminice. Anyway, if you read this, thanks. Love.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 16:42:10 GMT

I was sure by now, God You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 01:17:21 GMT

Patience is a virtue... gah when will I ever learn that?

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Monday, August 14, 2006

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 03:11:20 GMT

Seniors?.... Seniors

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 19:27:14 GMT

school starts in one week, im excited
debutante is saturday, and i finally got a date
saw talledega nights last night, funny stuff
spent time with Veronica
went shopping this weekend
and now i am really broke
found out about Mrs. White
pray for her family
I GOT A NEW BED!!
and im rearranging my room
it's different but i like it
i never knew i had so much crap
i got tickets to go see miranda lambert!
i love her, looking foward to it
i cant wait till the first football game
finally a senior, life has flown by
wow

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 05:44:24 GMT

So I can't sleep.... again.

There's something always on my mind. I am constantly thinking. This is the worst feeling besides being heartbroken, when you want to go to sleep but it's impossible. Not fun. So what better way to get all those thoughts out than to let the whole world see them on the internet right? Ok, so some of those thoughts won't be shared ha... Anyway, I think God is punishing me. What for? I don't know. Maybe it's not punishment, maybe it's His way of looking after me. Or maybe it's just His way of being jealous, again. I feel like I deserve somethings a lot more that other people, but I don't get them. Or I feel like I don't deserve the things that have happened to me. Oh look, I'm being selfish. Ugh, I make myself sooooo mad! He knows me better than anyone. So why do I doubt Him? For some reason I struggle with trusting Him quite often. He knows my heart better than I do. But just because I think He'll take care of me, doesn't mean that I shouldn't take care of myself. I waste so much of my time being so down, when I have so much to be greatful for. Why not reverse this cycle and spend more time thanking Him for all the blessings He has given me and a lot less time grieving? Definitely a goal of mine. I bet He just thinks I'm so ungreatful. Which I am. I have realized that I have got to change my whole way of seeing things. Look at the brightside! I can already tell this is going to be a challenge, especially at what point I'm at in my life right now. I don't think I've stated a positive outlook for quite some time. Let's try to change that, shall we?

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 02:14:23 GMT

She said just give it away

     I wonder what a day in the life of someone who has no problems would be like. If I had one wish, I would ask for just one day without being sad, worried, or confused. That's all I am anymore... and it gets pretty old real fast.
     I went to the beach last week and probably, actually I know I had too much fun. It was so nice to get away from everything here. But now I'm back, and I hate it. We went to see Bo Bice at the House of Blues, and it had to be the most amazing concert I've ever been to. We were so close it was awesome. So much fun I can't even list it all. I'm just glad I have the best friends in the world. Period.
     Ever since I got back, my life has been a living hell. Don't ask me why, cause I won't tell you. I just need a prayer... And someone to talk to. More than likely it's not you, so don't tell me I can talk to you whenever I need to. I know who I need to talk to.
     I hate work. I want to get a new job that pays better. And forgive me when I say this, but I am so ready for school. I also need a debutante date. I have a few in mind, but unsure who to ask. Too bad I can't just go by myself. It would probably be easier.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

Lord, please believe in him, like I believe in You...

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 01:45:06 GMT

Give me strength, O Lord.