bye bye xanga. bye bye xanga friends. bye bye xanga readers.

i'm leaving.

to be blunt, this place is way too 'aZn' for me.

moving on to bigger and better things...

...located here

gears in motion,
wheels turning round,
feeble, into the mist i tredge,
nothing true, nothing false, i wont let me budge,
in front of me my ghost,
with a future of which it can boast,
lost, confused, dazed,
looking back amazed,
seeing through my naked transparency,
shocked at the myopia of myself in me,
an outer shell with nothing to show, offer, provide,
with but a fire inside,
so easily watered down, so dangerousely watered down, so hopelessly watered down,
forward bound,
the only barrier me,
reaching for the shooting star, a hope, a dream, a love, a life,
impossible? unreasonable? unfathomable?
nothing to lose, a world to gain,
with all the flurry there is no hurry,
however,
if it is not reached,
if i continue to bout,
a fire inside is so easily put out.

i have too much to say, i'll make it quick; cut it down.

everybody sells themselves. deal with it. you do it too.

don't have expectations of friends, family, partners. you'll be dissapointed.

everybody is a fucking whore. people in 'relationships' fucking others left and right. people in 'relationships' flirting and grappling other people. it's fucking disgusting. i would love to video tape 'friendly' encounters and send them to the not very significant others.

'serious' relationships do not exist. please, prove me wrong, i'll give you a surprise.

today, 'love' is meaningless. it is thrown around, used in all circumstances, recycled, and thrown away. have i told you i loved you? i meant it. that's why i don't use it very often.

society and the media over-simplify life. understand that there is no one meaning, understand that the only happiness is your happiness, understand that no one can find that for you.

don't look for a truth, it's hopeless. understand that what we see, our lives, our experiences, all is engineered. excluding rare, invaluable personal relationships.

you think you know a person? congratulations, you have seen one of many dimensions of that human being. be careful, observe, and expect a terrible surprise.

i'll come back periodically to each of those topics and discuss, in depth, how i feel and what i mean.

i've gained almost an inch on my biceps. i think i may have taken up smoking. not a very good idea considering track is starting in a couple weeks. oh well. keeps me busy.

it's a nice time for a cigarette.

adios.

awesome weekend.

before-bed cigarette.

i have come to a conclusion.

girls are fucking crazy.

i am now enlightened.