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| i'm the reason for the wordbitch. i have certain moments when i feel the most alone. more alone than being alone itself. it's hard to explain but i'm sure you've experienced it yourself. for the most part...it's cool. and i love it. but then there are those days when it's like..where did everyone go? and i guess..this is one of those times. i definitely feel like i've drifted away from a lot of people. and maybe it's my fault. maybe it's yours. all i know is that it's a two way street. but we're not doing shit about it i guess. but it's okay because honestly... i heard you really don't stay close with many of your high school friends. it's rare. it's the college friends that stick around with you. it's life. people walk in and out with a blink of an eye and you can't do shit about it. life will just bring all of us our separate ways..and you know what? things will still be wonderful. life continues whether you like it or not. i learned that you can only depend on someone for so long until shit changes up on you. the only person you can depend on is yourself. it'd be impossible to turn on yourself but someone else could turn on you like a fucken light switch. so fuck you, you, and you, you and you. it's just me, myself and i. again. | | |
| i'm ready.i'm ready for college. or at least i'm ready to leave home. i've been thinking about it a lot lately and i realize that i miss my parents just a little more and more as each day passes by. because i know when i leave, i prolly won't be seeing them much. but then again, that's nothing i'm not already used to. my dad's been making me work every day and i have no time to do anything. and lately i've been staying home a lot because i work 8-9 hour shifts starting at 6 or 7 in the morning til about 4 or 5 in the afternoon. so by the time i get home, i'm tired as fuck and i don't want to do shit. plus, i've been going out running for about an hour every day after work which gets me even more tired. but hey, the good thing about that is, i work to earn money, and i don't have the time to spend it all. whereas before, i wouldn't have anything better to do than just go out and spend money constantly. money that i didn't have enough of. anywho. i haven't been arguing with my parents or my siblings which is a good thing because..in a month i might regret all of that. i don't know...i'm really going to miss them and it's kind of a scary thought. but i really think i'm ready. i'm ready to meet new people, to be more independent, to make good and bad judgements and learn from my mistakes without parents being on my ass. i think i'm ready to be more mature, be an adult and do adult things. =) yay for college. santa cruz here i come! | | |
| girls, you suck.when i'm out, i look around and i see a girl surrounded by a bunch of girls. i look at the people around me, and i'm surrounded by a bunch of guys. why? i just get along with guys so much more than i do with girls. don't get me wrong, i definitely have a small number of girlfriends, but not a lot like most girls do. my group of friends consists of mostly dicks. whenever i wanna go hang out, i'm always in a major sausage fest. it's like a 5-1 ratio. sometimes, i wish i had more girlfriends instead of guyfriends because i never had those "girl sleepovers". i've had "girls days/nights" but it would only be like..2-4 other girls which is hella sad. of course those girls days/nights are fun but it would be so much more fun if there were more girls. girls and i just don't get along too well. i mean yeah in the beginning it's cool and then later on it just gets complicated and doesn't work out due to guys, jealousy and what not. girls=drama. no joke. everyone knows that. i'm not saying that i don't bring drama cause..shit i know i do sometimes. but i try not to get buddy buddy with too many girls because it just makes my life that much more complicated. i'm hoping that in college, i'll make a good amount of girlfriends. ones that won't bring dumb ass drama in my life. ones that will be there through thick and thin like the few i have now. | | |
| Homecomingguess who's running for homecoming court/royalty? (because the whole entire senior class girls hahha) ME! just for the hell of it why not. it's our senior year and my first REAL homecoming. our theme is decades and the senior class is the 50's i think. interesting....well whatever. i'm doing song girls and stuff so i'm hecka excited. i've always gone to Mt Sac for cross country during homecoming, and i know we're about to hear brewer bitch at us every day about homecoming. but of course, i probably won't be there to hear it. HAAA. i wish mt sac was on another day. i kinda wanna go to that too. cold stone ice cream cake is hella good.and i lost my folder >.< and i'm starting college applications AHHHHHHH. help me help me help me. i'm not gunna make it in college | | |
| la premiere semaine d'ecole. what can i say? school is school. and everyone dreads it, even if it's their senior year. college apps are just around the corner, and here i am, clueless and absolutely lost. my first week of school was just like any other first week of school except for it felt like a constant repetition of previous years. i don't feel any older, or younger. i think of myself as a junior still at times, and three seconds later, i'd realize that i am now a senior. i guess there's not much of a difference. the rules at school are getting stricter. no cell phones. period. throughout the whole school day. no spaghetti straps. that's like middle school. pretty soon, coco's probably going to tell us that there's no off campus lunch allowed. the entire junior lot is gone, our track is gone. the senior lot has become a ocean filled with sharks and little fishes where we fight for parking spaces. at least we're at the top. our homecoming theme sounds ridiculous but i could be convinced otherwise. cross country is the same. i'm so bummed out i can't go to hawaii with them anymore. santa cruz is coming up, i kinda wish i didn't sign up to go on the busses. we should've just driven ourselves so we could stay later. that's heckav lame. this girl in my math class though i was a freshman. that's heckav funny. do i look like a freshman? hahha. NO! the people i love the most are the people i see the least this year. it's a shame. i only get to see them before school, and maybe sometimes during break. what kind of a senior year is that? L A M E. weekends are filled with work work and work. straight like 9 hours. my legs hurt like crazy by the end of the day. come visit me and buy something =] you're ridiculous. <3 | | |
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