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| 24 pt lead and lakers still lost in the end and now trail the series 3-1. at this point, i've lost hope even in the lakers just like i've lost hope on everything else. nice job life, nice job...
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| everyone's going to want you to become something you're not, something you don't want to be, something that pressures you to depression. they all say its for you're own good, but its only good cause it'll make them look good. it's only for their rep. why this world always has to resort to competition, i will never know. being forced and pressure to do something cause it'd seem right and they don't even know how i feel, how i'd react back into that kind of environment. i don't care anymore, throw my life away and make people happy because thats exactly what i've been doing my whole life. another issue is the fact that some people don't seem to know their limits. maybe something they do may seem like crack and its hard to stop, but enough is enough...or maybe its just me and everything that doesn't seem right is always considered a small priority and may not be as important to me. whatever it is, i'm letting that go too. im going to let people do what they feel is right and if god forbid someday something goes down, i won't be there to say i told you so, i'll just sit in dismay and know i have failed because i could of prevented it. but again, this is only where i'm used to people's advantages.
everyone is mad at me and why shouldn't they be? i don't listen, i don't know my own limits, and i never care. i always have fun and i show no consideration to anyone's feeling and their "reputation". so i'll break the walls that surrounds me and give everyone what they wanted; control and dominance. they say i have it good, they say im lucky, they say im ignorant...then why is that i'm constricted and criticized for everything that i've done. hah, but you can all say i'm just feeling sorry for myself.
"i existed because i dream and well, i dream no more.
i've given up on the entire human race."
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| maybe its the feeling of loneliness when i wake up in the morning.
maybe its the feel of dew in the air as i take that big breath into my lungs
or maybe its just the senses of disappointment.
whatever it maybe, the warmth of my bed will keep me from my reality.
promise.
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| it's been awhile. i don't really know why i've been neglecting my xanga. i have no other excuse other than i've been hard at work to try and just prove to everyone in life, the ones that support me and the ones that see i don't make it, that i can make what i dreamed of becoming and doing come true. nothing really knew happening since my past entry other than i got a job at HSBC. i can't complain. the pay is good and i work 3 days a week. school is school and theres been ups and downs with friends...but we always work it out...no matter how hard the obstacle can be. thats just how we roll.
i cant stress how fast time goes by in this stage in my life. when i was a kid, i could never wait for a certain day to be over because i just wanted the weekend to come. and now a days, i just wish a day would stay a bit longer so tomorrow would not come as fast. seasons are changing and in a blink of an eye, im 19 years old. ive grown to realize that everyone in life needs guidance and motivation in order to help them pursue their happiness. as hard as that can sound, a little bit goes a long way...even if it means just hearing the person pour his/her heart out. the painful realization that all has gone wrong and nobody cares at all is the worst feeling a person should feel. i know all too well of this feeling and i would never wish it upon anyone else. but sticking to the topic, time has never been a friend of mine. as i get busier in my life and more active in what i plan to pursue career wise and educationally, i find that i have less time than ever had to achieve what i want.
no one said life was easy...but no one ever really prepped me for the obstacles i face now. im still learning to adapt to all this change and i may make a lot of mistakes in the process, but i hope things will turn out for the best because if theres one there i truly learned during the past 19 years...its that life is all about risks. if you never fail, what can you ever learn from? you learn from your mistakes and you obtain knowledge and experience in what you tried to accomplish. do what you have to. forget the remarks, forget the chances of failing, forget the negativity. strive for it and dont stop until you reached the end of your pursuit of happiness.
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| Everyone thinks of changing the world...
but no one thinks of changing themselves.
...So if you want a change, i'll show you a change.
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