Badtzmarugirl31's Xanga

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 03:43:22 GMT

Today was the NE Regionals dance competition where all the dancers of NE part of US compete to qualify for the Nationals (nation-wide) competition in August. All you have to do is just dance one dance and it doesn't matter how well you do.

So partner and I decided we would just do the champ level and see how it goes. We also could have done pre-champ but there wasn't as much incentive as we've faced most competition and overcome most of them.

Champ was some sort of a joke. Those big guys have been around for a long time and they know they're good. The minute i walked on the floor i just couldn't shake away that "i want to go home now" feeling. Our teammates and friends told us we danced well, even though to us it felt like shit. I fell in my favorite and best dance, the cha. That just couldn't count as quality dance (although ppl do fall from time to time and it's usually not a liability) because no, you just don't slip in your favorite and best dance. I think in the end we were just happy to have been cut in the first round and to go home with our tails in between our legs. But seriously, it felt like we were doing champ for the first time even though we've done something to this extent a few times before. Some ppl that we didn't know were cheering for us...i think we both were thinking "stop drawing attention to us!"

Haha, well hopefully next time we'll do better. It wasn't so much as we didn't feel like we didn't belong there as much as we weren't prepared enough. Oh wells, the truth is that there will always be people better than us and there is nothing that we can do about that. We're the old bones against some young adults..no comparison to that. I'm grateful to even have been able to get this far..never thought I could have. :).

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 03:43:21 GMT

Monday, January 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 01:31:50 GMT

..here's a funny story:

duwayne and I were asked to do a performance for the today show yesterday. D came up to me after i changed and asked if i wanted to do it. he said it was 9am in the morning. so it goes:

D: do you want to do it?

S: it's 9 in the morning..

D: yeah, well it's up to you.

S: but 9 in the morning.

D: ehh..well we don't have to do it.

S: but it would be nice to do it although i don't wnat to fall in front of national television

D: you won't fall. so decide.

S: let's do stone papers and scissors..wait you always win.

D: how about we flip a coin (searches pocket for a quarter)

Today show person (a few feet away): Oh! it's okay we found another couple!

D & S: ohhh ok that's great, by all means, good, great! ( waving hands and sighing with relief).

There went our first chance to dance live. I guess we are both too lazy hahahah. National tv vs. sleep. sleep wins.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 02:29:48 GMT

Man, finally done with this semester. Actually, this is the most lackadaisical semester of school work that i've ever produced in my entire life. hell, i didn't even study for the final until an hour before it. and then i wrote up a lot of made-up answers, barely checked them and then left. Before i left, i was told by my professor that i didn't complete 5 of the 10 journals required of me for my other observation class (had to go sit in a class in another school observing kindergarteners. rather interesting, actually. PS 112 all the way in East Harlem). Thank goodness the professor is leaving Hunter in June and therefore doesn't seem to care to penalize students that much at this point (what's the point? she doesn't care, which is good for lazy students like me).

I'm just glad the semester is over, although the next will definitely be worst, and tomorrow is the last day of work before winter break begins. I have until Jan. 2 to lie around and do nothing (which is probably what i will be doing word for word). I'm looking forward, though, to dec. 27th when a ghstny will be around again and then the 30th when N will be back. meanwhile, i'm trying not to be mentally killed off by my dance arch-nemesis. I should chant nam-myoho-renge-kyo about it (I am a Nichiren Buddhist. Yay, i'm finally religious).

Enough

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 06:08:51 GMT

When is not enough, enough?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 19:59:54 GMT

You know, just as I thought that when the memories of refreshment and enlightment resulting from my trip to Asia would all fade away, JYY's (it's three initials now!) wedding this past weekend just added another surge of good (not just good but phenomenal) things to remember. Many good things can catch you by surprise, especially when you're not watching, thinking, expecting. Man, am I sounding...positive? Ghst, help me out here. We're supposed to be bitter and angry, together. I think a lot of California-ttitude is getting to me.

I think I'm going through post-wedding blues. Hell, it wasn't even my own wedding. Yet being involved in something so full of momentum inevitably impacts you in many small but significant ways. I mean, I even got free money out of that. Money that you didn't have to work for is always something good. I haven't touched an atm machine in awhile. I'm furthermore hoping that I can maintain the some discipline and not spend anymore mooloo on CVS, Duane Reade, Eckerd, you name it products until 2007. No wait, I still have to tan for upcoming competitions. Dammit. Those things make me red and itchy.

I've come to a realization yesterday. It's simply that my phone conversations skills have gone awry for awhile but w/o my noticing it. I think it inevitably happened when my dearest Nokia 3650 (the one that many of you hated) died out on me in August 2005. I spent all my bday money and got a new one, the Vodafone but it's reception quality is really awful (as per my hearing friends also). I think I have been (gasp) avoiding the phone for more than a year. Ghst, remember we used to chat for hours on the phone? I used to pride myself in being able to carry on a conversation for hours. Is it aim's fault? I used to only use aim to keep in touch with people whom I can't physically see or talk to, people in other states or some faraway land. Yet lately I realize that aim is my comfort zone. I could always count on a few people to be on it when I need or want to talk to them. And if/when I don't feel like talking anymore I can just rest my fingers and watch some Grey's Anatomy or Bollywood movies (yes they are my new fav.). But most of all, being able to visually see what people type makes remembering the things they write easier. I can save parts of conversations that I like and come back to smile at it again later. I'm also more of a visual memorizer than auditory (for apparent reasons). After a long conversation on the phone my ears usually ring from straining really hard to listen. The only thing that I don't like about aim is the lack of options in emotional expression. Say I found something funny and I laughed so hard I fell off my chair. It would a totally different effect if someone actually saw this happen (or heard it) than if I write (wryly), hey i just fell off my chair. The time lapsed from the fall to the typing just kills the impact of the incident.

So, what's my point? I wasn't planning on having one. But now I think it is, aim and phones just can't beat talking to people in real time and place. So ~ all you people who used to live in NYC and moved thousands of miles away (some of u despite my earnest protests) better come back sooner or later or else! Although in the end I know I'll probably just have to keep sucking it up. I think I just found new reasons to be more angry and bitter.

ok, nap time.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 07:31:01 GMT

Another "year" has started up. I count my "years" not from Jan. 1, but from Sept. 1 when school starts. That's when the dancing starts back up.

A nearly month-long trip to Asia was the best decision I've ever made. It was an unplanned event..and I thought that going back would induce me to spend a lot but i actually didn't. I didn't get to see a lot of old friends but I did reconnect with a few that I haven't spoken to in years. I feel a lot more refreshed and I know that this year will be a different one. A friend was right when she observed in July that I was withdrawing from people. She probably observed a diminishing lack of energy to deal mostly with the drama that ballroom (like all other things, places, people) presents.

Yet it's not only that. It's easy to feel jaded and hopeless towards new possiblities that used to come so naturally. I still don't know if I'm letting competition in ballroom seep into other parts in my life so that I feel there is a need to compete or fight my way through everything else in life. A friend in high school predicted that of me, that i would have to live most of my life bumping through lessons and punches. I didn't want me to be that person.

It's easy to forget the happy feelings that I felt the entire time I was in asia. a month has already passed since I came back. It feels a lot faster than the 3 weeks that I was in Asia. I want the good memories to linger longer, so that I can keep having that refreshened reserve of energy and enthusiasm to face anything that comes my way this "year". This year has to be different.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 19:43:27 GMT

I think I'm over it. Two days. Not so bad.

Married

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 03:07:43 GMT

It seems like every other person I used to know or currently know is getting married. Wow. all are people whom I didn't expect to get married so young and soon. I wonder to myself, do they all have something in common? Was it something about them back in college that said "I'm the type to marry early" or "I'm ready to get married" that I didn't notice?

But then again, it's been 4-5 years since I've last seen or heard from some of these people so I am not entirely surprised by the changes. However, I do feel that I've probably stayed more or less in the same spot while these people were changing their lives probably drastically. Marriage is one of those things that does that, right?

Looking back, I couldn't have changed anything that I've done since college. I went my way. I've become a better dancer and much more involved in competitive dancing than I ever was before. I've changed jobs and career fields completely, I'm in grad school, I've made some new friends (non-ballroom thank goodness), and went through a relationship but am back to square one in that field (status-wise). So considering all that, have I really accomplished stuff in this half a decade or have I been wasting my time?

It seems that a lot of ppl cringe when they hear about a bunch of people getting married. I think the mentality towards the union between man and woman in relation to life is that life only "really" begins after marriage. Could that be it? That when we are single, we are just prepping ourselves to become "marryable?"

I read somewhere that this kind of mentality is actually very dangerous. It stipulates that marriage, in fact, is not the beginning of a better life because of the gain of a spouse but of working together with the partner to become better individuals, or something like that.

Well, if i play to that theory then I can probably conclude (somewhat in relief) that I definitely have not been wasting my time. My life may be different, but it is not better nor worse. It just is. I do things for myself and I try to do it well.

Congratulations to all of those who were able to marry right out of college or before they turned 25. For those still waiting or who do not give a hoot about marrying, we're all still in a great place!

short tribute to my first year of grad school

Wed, 24 May 2006 20:47:18 GMT

I'm finally done. it's been a year in grad school. a full year, and 2 more to go.. and frankly speaking, it's hard to juggle, but this first year wasn't so bad. my grades are definitely better in grad than undergrad. I think taking 2 or 3 classes at a time really helps, and my attitude towards grades right now are "i dont' care". whatever, i have other more important things in my life and busting my a$$ for grad school isn't part of the plan.

I also met a few really cool people, one of which i already went on an awesome vacation with. by friends I mean only females, because there are practically no males in this education program. is it still the stereotype that teachers are mostly female, yea? even in the school where I work there is only 1 male teacher and 2 male teacher assistants. everybody else (you're talking 12 teachers and on average 4 assistants per class) are female. man. or should I say, women.

one pivotal thing i regained this year in school is my love for doing hands-on projects. i used to make my own bday cards and stuff when i was a kid. undergrad in tourism and hospitality also provided some opportunities for "art" projects, but this time in grad school I was allowed to make stuff from the point of view of a child. things had to make sense for a child. lots of colors, cute things, big letters and numbers. there are so many things I took /take for granted. studying education made me realize how lucky i am to know the things i know and be able to do the things I do. some children can't read, can't write and will probably never learn the skills the way we can read and write fluently. given the public school education systems we have now, it's just sad bc many teachers out there don't nkow what they are doing. i even heard that they are going to take play time out of kindergarten. does that make any sense at all? it's so typical, to expect something to happen but not provide the means for it to. this pattern starts in early childhood.

so come this memorial day weekend i hope to catch up with all of the friends that i've been forced to ignore for the past few weeks. i'm grateful for their understanding. aside from getting back to working off my newly gained flabs before they proliferate even more, i'm gonna start by watching x-men on friday! sh!ts, which reminds me i'm in charge of getting the tix now. toodles.

question: does anyone remember how they were taught to read/write? how long did it take? are you happy with your skills?