You know, there's people that you're friends with and some people wonder why you're friends with them.
They have this miscewed perception of what the person is, but they're wrong. Because that person, that I'm friends with, is my best friend. And no, it's not just because she buys me dinner at Olive Garden. But because she's always there. She's there when I puke in my driveway, she's then when my mom goes crazy, she's there when I feel like shit and don't want to move from my bed all day. And she's there to light a fire under my ass and get me to try new things at church. And she's always there to remind me that I deserve the world, I deserve what God says is possible and I deserve the best.

And as far as I'm concerned, I have the bestest best friend in the world. Even if you guys don't get it.

There's things I want, like being closer to God. Some may point their fingers and raise an eyebrow, saying how hypocritical because I don't live my life to the point of a real Christian believer, but I'm working on it. I'm trying to downsize the lag time, I want to react to a situation with a God-like behavior. I don't want to scream at my parents and my sisters when I'm upset. And granted, that doesn't happen unless provoked, actually, even if provoke I wont repsond. But that's not because I've gotten any better. It's simply because I haven't the energy to care. I haven't got the energy to sit there and scream, so instead, I let it all go unsaid. Which is just as unhealthy as screaming.

I'm soul seeking.
And being lazy behind pages of books, this summer.

Yeah, I quoted a Christmas song in my last entry.

I don't even know how I fucking was listening to that song.

And LOL at who I met this weekend. I couldn't even stand up, but I'd do anything for a cigarette
and I mean, it's been like 5 years so it's about time.

Tonight, I'll be creeping in Hoover's neighborhood, on accident. T's brother lives in the same apt complex
and Hoover is ignoring me. Which is fine, because some how he always ends up ignoring me when I get my monthly bill and then, even if I want to, I wont be angry with him.

I need a job(1)and I need to meet more people(2).

I'm so tired.

XANGA iS FUCKING BITCH.

I should have known I couldn't get away with it, but I'm not too worried.

Because 1. Lurchy, it's not awkward when I call and your girlfriend calls because I'll gladly get off of the phone so you can talk to her.
2. Why do you even read this Lurch, if you don't fucking care.
3. I'll gladly explain myself.

To whom it may concern (Lurch's gf)-

Look, this is fucked up. Trust me, I know. I have nothing against you. I thought I did, but really, if he likes you then you're probably really cool and I'm sure that you don't believe me but it's not you that I hate at all. And I don't think you're ugly, I was just raging by the way your stupid ass boyfriend was talking to me that morning. I hate him for the way he makes me feel. But that's beside the point because I'm fucking over that. Apparently I'm two faced because I tell the truth. Whatever. Look, I don't think you're ugly. You look young, that's all I can say from your pictures, which yes, I' ve lurked. Honesty is key. And that's not a bad thing, you have a baby face (your bf's words, not mine), which is good for when you turn forty and you look twenty. that's good. With all the alcohol I drink, I'll look 80 when I'm 20. WOOT MOTHERFUCKING WOOT. Whatever. Anyway, I don't fucking care, I'm offering a peace offer, dude, I don't have antyhing against you and actually, to make you feel more comfortable about the fact that your bf and I still talk, I'm offering friendship. If you're ever bored in the house while he's at work and you want to hang out and shit, then I'll be more than happy to give you my number. For real, it may be hard to believe me and your bf may tell you different but I could give a fck and I'd be more than happy to be yoour friend. I know that you don't have very many friends in Indiana and I'm down with making more. And I hope you still want to meet me because I'm for real, I don't care. I don't care about your boyfriend anymore and I want you to know that I'm not the person he's probably played me out to be. So in hopes that you read this, make sure you get to know me before you judge me. Because I'm doing the same thing.

BrXXke.