| | I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DISGUSTED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. EVER
read this, and please please sign there guest book tellign them how mcuh of SICK FUCKS they are. if you have ANY HEART.
this is just wrong.
Introduction
For centuries, people in the West have marveled at the delicate beauty produced by Oriental artists and sculptors. From gardening to tattooing to dance and martial arts, these craftsmen have enthralled us with complex forms and simplistic perfection. One of the most fascinating of the visual techniques to emerge from this highly cultured region is the Oriental art of miniature sculpture. Who has not been stricken with the expressive grace of Japanese Bonsai? Though once the sole province of Bonsai masters within Japan, Bonsai plants have been available to fortunate consumers throughout the world for some time. With this in mind, we are proud to now offer to you the animal complement of this art form; the Bonsai Kitten.
Method
At only a few weeks of age, a kitten's bones have not yet hardened and become osseous. They are extremely soft and springy. In fact, if you take a week-old kitten and throw it to the floor, it will actually bounce! We do not recommend that you try this at home. The kitten may bounce under the furniture and be difficult to retrieve, as well as covered in unsightly household dust ( SO MUCH FOR THINKING THEY CARED ONE OUNCE OF THERE COLD BLACK HEART.). However, the flexibility of the kitten's skeleton means that if the bones are gently warped at this early age, they can be molded into any desired shape. At Bonsai Kitten, we achieve this by placing the kitten into a rigid vessel soon after birth, and allowing the young cat to grow out its formative time entirely within this container. The kitten essentially grows into the shape of the vessel! Once the cat is fully developed, it is removed (or the vessel broken to remove it!), producing the lovable, furry pet you've always wanted, but it remains in the shape you've always dreamed of! There is virtually no limit to the eventual shape of your pet.
Practical Considerations
At Bonsai Kitten, we are happy to take care of all the little details and simply deliver to you a fully shaped kitten according to your specifications. However, for those who have applied for and received the appropriate Bonsai Kitticulture permits from the U.S. government, we are happy to provide details of the procedure to those who want to start from "scratch"! There are three main requirements that must be considered when making a Bonsai Kitten:
- Air. This ought to go without saying, but you'd be surprised how many amateurs forget this detail and wind up with a cold, hard kitty in the morning! If the containment vessel is sealed, you must drill airholes prior to kitten insertion. A diamond drill is recommended for glass vessels.
- Food & Water. Especially if the kitten's head is being shaped (one of the most versatile aspects of the Bonsai Kitten), it will not be able to eat or drink normally. The most common solution is another hole in the container with a feeding tube to the kitten's mouth, where a liquid food slurry can provide both nutrient and hydration requirements.
- Waste Removal. Left to its own devices, the kitten would quickly fill its vessel with its own urine and feces, leading to certain sickness and death, not to mention the inevitably unpleasant appearance and odor. The best solution is to seal the kitten's anus with Super Glue prior to insertion, and then insert a waste tube through a third hole in the vessel. As the kitten's body is still developing, a natural rectal diverticulum will soon form around the tube, which can be drained in any convenient fashion. It's just like a kitty colostomy bag!
I DONT EVEN NEED TO TELL U HOW SICK
dont beleive me?
http://www.bonsaikitten.com |
Shit.
