Today is the day we are moving to all cash spending. It is going to be a transition but I think it is going to be a really good thing. We have used our credit card since we got married. But we have also paid off said credit card each month. I have just not really wanted to let go of the cash back aspect of using my card. We get a point for every dollar we spend which in the past has resulted in a pretty decent check coming our way when I cashed those points in. Anyway, we sat down and made our first month attempt at setting a cash budget. I think doing things this way will really help me be less stressed about our finances...

Other than that, I am heading to New Orleans at 7AM in the morning. I have no idea what we are exactly doing so I suppose I will be going with the flow. I know we are doing some reconstruction and some evangelism. I think it will be a good thing. I think I have actually become less flexible now that I am married so we will see how that plays out...

So, in a week I might be heading to New Orleans on a Mission trip. I haven't been on a mission trip since I got off the plane from India almost three years ago. I am nervous about it. Is that totally weird? There was the day when I would jump at the chance to go...and now going presents itself to me and for once I am not jumping...I think God and I have some things to talk about...

And, I have decided that I don't want to make the change to blogger. I just think that xanga is so much easier in keeping up with everyone. Plus there is just so much history with this blog...it goes way back to my days in India when I first started it...

Life is funny sometimes...And freeing...and surprising. Way back in May of 2004 I had my heart broken by a boy. A boy I had been making future plans with in my head...and probably my heart too to be honest...God knew our relationship was never to be, and in a way I knew it too, but it didn't make it hurt any less when it ended. I hurt and struggled to keep my mind and heart focused on the task at hand...reaching out to share Jesus with those who had never heard in a far away land.

(It is funny...that break up...it was because of that break up that I realized God is the only one who means it and can REALLY say it when He says He will never leave you or forsake you. God never quits on you...He never gives up on you...so many things I found comfort in back then. I read today on Beth Moore's daughters blog how women tend to think that getting married will solve the longing of the soul....but it won't. She is right, only God can fill that longing that is deep within us all...)

Anyway, back to surprises. A few months ago that boy who broke my heart walked back into my life. Nothing serious...just a quick email to say hello and ask how I was. At the time I was sick to my stomach...I had so much bitterness stored up inside of me that I had managed to pack away in my memory baggage some where...not that I had forgotten it was there...every now and then it would come back to me in a dream...reminding me that things were bad and I would awake with a sense of dread...I didn't know what to do...having all of these emotions stirred up inside of me once again...I didn't want them there....I wanted to be free...and today I finally am. He apologized to me in his email which I let stew in my inbox for a few months...and today I finally realized that I had not ever forgiven him....and that was keeping me in bondage...it was in facing and responding to his apology that I was broken...and it all came...forgiveness...letting go...complete healing and moving on...and it feels wonderful.

I am so glad that he knew the Lord which I am sure prompted his apology...and I am glad that he didn't do as I asked when I told him to never correspond with me again...because if he hadn't written I would have continued to live on in bondage because I would have withheld grace...something God would never do...I hope this is a lesson for me in my future....not that I want anyone to break my heart...but if they do I hope it gets dealt with much quicker than 4 years later...that is a long time to live in bondage to anything...