I find myself once again on the journey through my past. The very events that shaped and molded me into the person I am today. I cannot accept that this is all life has to offer me. There has to be something far better than what I have experienced at this time. Right now, I feel very much like a character from Disney’s "Peter Pan" trapped in Never-Never Land, a bent reality. I realize that in order for me to move forward I must first let go of past negativity. I understand that it will only hold me back and deter me from my life’s purpose. I am willing to do whatever it takes to leave it behind, and savor the memories.

The pain and sorrow I felt upon his departure was when I came to realize just how much he had truly meant to me. I remember it like it was only yesterday, not three years ago. I had just pulled in the driveway when I noticed my mother standing at the front door. It is not unusual for her, but that day it gave me the feeling in my stomach that something was amiss. I stepped into the house, my best friend Jerod in tow. One look at mom’s tear-streaked face and my previous suspicion was proved true something was wrong, way wrong.

"What’s wrong, why are you crying?" I asked her. She replied, " Jimmy Pierson died last night, he was killed by a drunk driver". "What did you just say!" I exclaimed, not wanting to believe my own ears. She repeated herself, "You’re lying!?!" I yelled. But the look in her eye was all the proof I needed to know it was true.

When the realization of what happened came over me the explosion of emotions was almost too hard to bear. I had lost people I cared a lot about before, but the pain was never as bad and never lasted this long. It was like running full force into a sliding glass door, thinking it’s open, only to find out its not when you crash through it.

He touched a lot of people in the short, happy life he lived. So many people came to the calling hours that they had to keep the doors open for two extra hours. My mother and I, whom were considered part of the family, went with the m to bury him in West Virginia. Jimmy had always wanted to be buried by his grandpa in Nebo Cemetery. That’s when my troubles began.

When Jimmy passed away, he took with him a piece of my heart that can never be replaced. My entire outlook on life changed drastically. I no longer trusted a lot of my beliefs. I took a turn for the worst, and became involved with drugs. It felt like I was plummeting down a dark hole, only I was digging it for myself. I liked the drugs; they made me feel comfortably numb. I was fighting a losing battle and I knew that from the beginning. The scary part was I didn’t care. There is so much I can’t remember; yet a lot I can never forget. It’s like a bottomless pit and if you can’t control it, it’ll suck you in, chew you up and spit you out. Drugs will consume you if given the chance. But if you can manage to escape and never look back you can overcome it.

I hated what my life had become. I was 19 years old, Jobless and homeless. I had lost everything I had worked so hard for all of my life. The few things I had were my car, 4 bags of clothing and thankfully, my life. Although at that point there wasn’t much of a future for me. My parents and true friends disliked me when I was on the drugs. I understand why they did I wasn’t myself.

I’m now trying to do what I can to leave the drama behind and put my life back into order. Coming to Life Skills and earning my diploma is only phase one. It’s going to be a long, hard road but knowing that my family and friends are there to offer me support and help; it will be easier to accomplish. If I knew then what I do now things would have been so different. There’s no reason for me to dwell on the past it can’t be changed or erased, it’s a part of me and I have learned to accept that. I am fully prepared to step forward and become the woman I have to be.