| I was just recently [[bored and]] going through my friends old xanga entrys. OLD ones. It was kinda fun. I smiled and frowned throughout entrys. I was comparing how it was back just a year ago and now, and it's changed so much. Like, of course you all were probably planning on me saying this, but take Rita's old blogs for example. I mean, Rita's wasn't the only one I looked at, I looked at MANY. But of course Rita was a person I had a lot of memories with. It was sortof fun I suppose seeing like...all the CD's she liked back a year ago. But it was also sad, like...through the period where we were dating, the entrys about my flower-giving and how she was excited about going to the movies. I probably sound creepy for all of this. Ha-ha. But nah I went through mens xangas too. Like Jakes. I'm not going to talk about every persons though. It just got me thinking about the past. I've really been thinking about life and my physical form in this universe. I honestly don't think as many people really care about me as much as they used to. And by people I mean...everyone. I mean...rita jake alyse marli lauren mitch buddy nicky amy alex and much more. I don't really mean to name names, but maybe it's better. I mean maybe it wasn't a huge change, but a change DEFINATLY did happen. And if one person that I named confronts me about "Oh I still care about you!" Well as much as that may be, you don't as much as you do and I can tell each individual person why they dont, and compare how it is these days to say, a year ago. And maybe I'm just ranting, but I have these rants, and today is one of them. I really havn't felt there is a person that can actually hang out with me continuously and really enjoy it like what used to happen when I actually hung out with the group. People say they don't exclude me, but... ... ... ... ... ... ... honestly...
i have a brain.
I've been excluded many, many times. And I'm not saying that ANYTIME ONE OF MY FRIENDS GOES OUT THEY SHOULD BRING ME ALONG! I'm just saying, I know when my friends go out, I know when they are with other friends that are my friends. Not naming anybody, beacuse it's pretty much happened from all of my friends. And I'm sure it's happened to everybody in the world. Somebody excluded. But this hurts me pretty bad seeing that I know people say "we should hang out sometime!" and when they actually get together at a place, guess who isn't hanging out? Sorry, you, as the reader, (if you still are reading this long entry) probably think I'm being whiney, or...overreacting. Well this ist just how I feel. Sorry. But this whole entry was based on the past and the present, and how I saw the past from journal entrys here. I'm trying to go parrallel with life making sure things are as euphoric as they can be, but it's been spiraling downward.
Goodbye. |
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www.myspace.com/coldsteelrain
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