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BeInG_your_BuDdY
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Name: Laur
Birthday: 3/12/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: being with friends anywhere on the planet. being with greg. laughing it up like a crazy mother <3
Expertise: \\laughing//nintendo//having a smashing good time//being crazy\\
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  couchworld
Member Since:
2/21/2004
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| so much random stuff has happened, its ridiculous but i have gotten a second wind on life :) im very excited and i have so much stuff i wanna do, i feel like if i live to be 100 years old it wont be enough to squeeze in everything i wanna do. i feel like living life to the fullest and trying everything at least once. i dont regret anything. im learning and im only 19, theres a million more things ahead of mee and im just excited for lifee. =) | | |
| today is that day ive always dreaded. it was never actually supposed to come. even tho i dont get to say my boyfriend is in iraq, im glad i can at least say one of my best friends is in iraq. im thankful i got to see him yesterday. totally worth driving 10 hours and not sleeping for 2 and a half days. crazy, i know. but i dont care. oddly, im alright with our situation now. it feels weird to be okay with it, but i am. we talked and hugged and it was what i needed. we will definetly keep in touch, we already know we're good at writing letters to eachother so its all good. i have a reason to smile. and thats okay, too. the 15 month countdown begins. im so proud of him. and i love my friends. life is looking up. | | |
| its funny what changes and what stays the same. i still wonder if i made the right choice. some days i think i did, others im a mess. i want it to be easier. i hate that he has a girlfriend, what ever that means to someone you just started dating right before you leave for 15 months. its not real. its out of spite and it kind of makes me laugh. and i will feel genuinely sad for him when she fucks it up. but anyway. i hate being single. i dont think im good at it. i have a very good girlfriend gene and i need to use it damnit. he wants us to be friends. i dont know what thats going to mean either. us write? will he write back? i just wanted him to love me and worry about me. now his love and worry is taken up by his so-called girlfriend. i dont know what kind of girl wants a guy still dealing with all this baggage and leaving. my friends say i dont deserve him. i dont know what to think about that. he says we might be able to try again when he comes back. is he assuming him and his 'girlfriend' wont be together? who gets in a relationship like that? when ur both on the rebound, it doesnt usually end up well. do what you will, i still have my dignity and respect for myself. im sorry i didnt have 8 relationships before 10th grade and im sorry i didnt have a psycho on the side waiting for it us to end. then maybe id understand why, but right now i do not. | | |
| cant we just skip tomorrow? pleasseee. well i am horrible. did i make a mistake? isnt it supposed to get easier, not harder? ugh. i dont think i can do this. whhyy did i do this. i miss him. i miss telling him my plans. i miss the discussion. i miss the encouragement and the praise. i miss giving the encouragement and the praise. how do people be single? i want to be able to do whatever i want, when i want. i cant be on someone elses schedule. i just cant, not now. maybe there is no one else for me and im finding out the hard way. i hate not knowing. not knowing what to do and not knowing whats going to come of this. its not fair. i cant get over this. this is making me so dumb which is makin it worse. i want to know how he feels. i want him to understand. i want him to love me no matter what, through space and time. i thought he understood. but i dont know anymore. i am hurting. physically and emotionally. was this the right thing to do? sometimes i want to wake up and he be like 2 weeks ago. and everything would be okay. ugh. maybe i dont need other people, maybe i just needed to see what im like without him. i just dont know and it sucks. i fill the need to call him and tell him about i stuff i did. ughhh. 2 more weeks of school. i wanna go home. i still love him. can we please just skip over tomorrow?  | | |
| i woke up and it was still real. my heart ached. i realized it hadnt ached like that in awhile. that was the problem. i hurt to be with him last semester. this one was different. i knew id see him in feb and march. but this time was different. i realize now i wasnt aching to see him. i missed him and i loved him, as i still do, but it didnt hurt. well it hurts now. i want to wake up from this ridiculous nightmare. was i too naive to think it would work? to think that i was strong enough? every step i take is a memory. i dont know what i want. i dont remember how to be single and i liked it that way. this is weird. i need to figure out who i am. i never thought about this. i guess its what i wanted deep down, but i didnt want this feeling. i feel so empty. im alone. | | |
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